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Are we all female sex workers?

“Truth be said, all women are sex workers” It all boils down to sex and advances, whether you are in your married relationship or committed relationship”.

To put it in simple terms, it has been said that sex work or transactional sex is practised by just about any adult woman. From the married woman to the girl still dating. Come on, all girls love the gift, the attention, the smothering in cash and kind, in return for the sex!

These are some of the ladies chit chats at an international Disco in Coast, Mombasa during a couple nights out. These ladies make me love my BCC work even more and this piece will simply capture their candid safe views.
Look at it in a sexual perspective. Each person gets in a sexual moment for something and this is where advances are attached. A man always wants to get done with it to quench their thirst and will give or promise anything! Anything. Here is a scenario where a woman is trying to bring in a conversation of wanting to be bought for a car, taken to a vacation, designers fabric, change of furniture, plasma TV etc, what is the best way to do this than to start with a sweet romance then move to a well planned evening?

What is the difference between this and the acclaimed sex workers who also sell sex? Infact, this is even more fun as it’s safer, no strings attached hence condom use is a must! And it is affordable too to the man, compared to all that that will invest, just to bed a single woman. Now for the sex worker, the guy can just come sleep with woman, get bored, proceed to woman B..etc...etc...etc. Meanwhile with a sex worker, the man can experiment with a lot, can have both anal sex, oral or even go threesome...all in a safe manner – correct and consisted condom use at all times. While the dating woman, use of condom simply is not easily acceptable.

Staying in this state comes with it’s professionalism too. This includes fashion, high self esteem and strong communication skills. Who said that it is the lowest, least gratifying self esteem job?

One evening, I decided to call a friend, Esy who is a female sex worker and I decided to tag along that evening. Esy advised that I have to tone down my looks if I am to walk along with her in the club so that her chances of getting a customer ain’t lowered. This made me curious on Esy was planning to present herself. Ravishly and dressed to kill is how I could describe her looks. Esy says that the secret is to aim for getting noticed and Stand out from the rest. In high heeled shoes to stand taller for easy spotting, long hair that can be bought at local shops and they have to fall down mostly on your bare back, shoulders at the point is that, the hair extension touches bare skin. The beauty of a woman is noticeable, that is the protruding features.

“I walk into the club and my strides and dressing attracts and the minute a customer approaches, this boosts my self esteem. How the night ends is determined by my mouth, how I sell it and how much I drink” Esy confidently explains
While talking to a group of professional sex workers, I discover that this profession comes along with its care. The customers tend to increase as the night goes out. Imagine three customers a night where standards have to be maintained. Unprofessional/ fake ones give in to sex without a condom and drinks too much. Standards have now changed where, being accompanied with condoms in your purse is fashionable! Imagine how extra careful these ladies are! Compared to us who trust our partners so much to compromise condom use.

Aren’t we all in sex work? No matter where you do it, in a house, lodging or a hotel, morning, daylight at night, all nature observed. We play it safest! Do you? Another sex worker shares
Now, get it that most of the female sex workers do not intend to leave the job! Who wants to pull you out of your office and feel that you need something better to do? This does not stop you from having your multiple sexual partners-‘multiple’ here is even two sexual partners.

“For your information, what you call a decent job, working in an office? Yes I have it, cocktailed fun, appreciated and an extra shilling is what am after, later on. Welcome to the sexual world. We are all the same”

Tell you what, Sex work is just a profession like any other. Some are doctors, some are teachers, others are engineers. As long as it pays my bills, its ok. What sex workers want is an environment in which they can practise their profession, safely. Is that too hard to ask?


flora1's picture

You bring up interesting

You bring up interesting points. safety is a major concern for everyone. not only disease (condom use) but also protection against violence and exploitation. Being careful (and it sounds like you are smart and careful)

The only point I can argue with is that love can't be bought and someday you will love someone and will not want to share them and they won't want to share you. It is not about what the man gives you in exchange for sex. One day, it will be what you give each other, sexually and as a couple, in your home.

Please be careful. Keep using condoms, be safe and healthy. And keep writing. You have a fine brain.


Jacky Kowa's picture


Thanks so much for your views Flora! This helps in the design of discussion questions during our young female sessions.

What love is all about and the measure of it is what I don't believe it exists. In Kenya right now, couples in a marriage set up seem to be more at risk because of issues of 'side plans' and trust. Condom use, like you have emphasized makes total sense when we just cant seem to measure trust. Nobody wants to drop their side plans, infact, men and women keep increasing sexual partners but condom use is going high.

Thanks for the encouragement too.



flora1's picture

wise woman

You are wise in your assessment about trust. What everyone needs to realize is that trust begins with ourselves. If you trust yourself to protect your life and your heart from hurt, so you can be a good parent, a healthy citizen, and move forward within your community, you will encourage others to trust as well.

Side plans, sadly, are a part of our global culture. The messages in the media do not help us be strong in our core. People like you can off-set that message. Thank you for being a part of the message of respect.

be well.


Omid's picture

cross road.

As I try to educate myself about feminism and women right, I always come to a crossroad on topic of sex workers.


Jacky Kowa's picture

Let's talk

Thanks Omid,

I know that most sex workers are female and most of them vulnerable, part of our communities. Getting to understand them better is an interesting journey. I am loving it!

Lets continue learning together. I will keep you posted on any findings, from this part of my world. As you shares yours too...;-}



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