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Je did non à l'enterement avant la dot

La dot est un droit à l'union d'un jeune homme qui épouse une fille, cela est du droit coutumier.
Donc la dote est la signe d'union de 2 jeunes qui s'unissent ou se marient (sociale). Elle est symbole d'amour vrai amour reconnu par l'Etat, et par l'Eglise. dans le parcours de la vie, en voyant les coutumes de l'Est de la RD Congo, chez les Bashi, les Balega, Bavira; si l'épouse meurt dans le foyer de son mari, sans avoir été dote, ses parent en font un grand problème.
Le jeune marié devenu veuf, par la mort de son épouse doit verser la dot à belle famille avant l'enterrement de son épouse morte. Au lieu de pleurer la défunte, des grâves disputes parfois même des coups et des bléssures entre entre les membres de 2 familles.
Telle mesure ne peut pas être exusée. Elle est contraignante.
D'habitude l'Etaat tranche et le jeune veuf sera obligé de verser cette dot, ou alors écrire une reconnaissance de dot à un bref délait. Après telle convention écrite les familles réunies peuvent délibérer, et aller enterrer pour retablir le droit à la dot. Deux jours d'incomprehension entre le deux familles, la décomposition du corps de la défunte les poussent à une compromis pour l'entérrement. Nos jeunes garçons sont interpellés de n'est pas prendre en mariage une fille d'autrui sans avoir donné la dot

Bon conseil pour prevenir de tels traumatismes.

Merci beaucoup mes amies

English translation by PulseWire member ngalula

"I say NO to the burial before the dowry"

A dowry is a right deriving from the union of a young man to a young woman, who then becomes the dower.
Therefore, the dowry is a sign of unification of two young people who are getting married. It's a symbol of true love recognised by the State and by the Church.

Considered the costumes of the population of the East DRC, the Bashis, Balegas and Baviras, during the course of life if the wife dies after being married without a dowry, both families might experience major problems.
The groom widowed from the death of his wife has to pay the dowry to the wife's family before her body is buried. So, instead of mourning there are often quarrels and violent fights between the members of the two families.
This kind of practice is unacceptable and too binding.

Usually the State cut in and the young widow is forced to pay the dowry or alternatively he has to write a brief note acknowledging the need of the dowry. After this the families can finally meet and make a decision, after which they can bury the wife. If two days pass and the families haven't reached a compromise, the body will start decompose and this will push the families to make a final decision.

Our young men are advised not to marry a woman without a dowry.
It seems like a good advice to avoid all that stress and trauma.

Thank you very much my friend.

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

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Comments

ngalula's picture

TRANSLATION

"I say NO to the burial before the dowry"

A dowry is a right deriving from the union of a young man to a young woman, who then becomes the dower.
Therefore, the dowry is a sign of unification of two young people who are getting married. It's a symbol of true love recognised by the State and by the Church.

Considered the costumes of the population of the East DRC, the Bashis, Balegas and Baviras, during the course of life if the wife dies after being married without a dowry, both families might experience major problems.
The groom widowed from the death of his wife has to pay the dowry to the wife's family before her body is buried. So, instead of mourning there are often quarrels and violent fights between the members of the two families.
This kind of practice is unacceptable and too binding.

Usually the State cut in and the young widow is forced to pay the dowry or alternatively he has to write a brief note acknowledging the need of the dowry. After this the families can finally meet and make a decision, after which they can bury the wife. If two days pass and the families haven't reached a compromise, the body will start decompose and this will push the families to make a final decision.

Our young men are advised not to marry a woman without a dowry.
It seems like a good advice to avoid all that stress and trauma.

Thank you very much my friend.

:: Beatrice Ngalula Kabutakapua
:: Foreign Correspondent || Researcher
:: Blog: www.balobeshayi.com
:: Skype: beka.trixie
:: Twitter: @Kabutakapua

Sheil's picture

Mon cher Wakenge Fifi

Mon cher Wakenge Fifi Namudumbi,

J'utilise Google pour traduire en français. J'espère que mon message est clair!

Merci d'avoir écrit à propos de la triste situation quand une femme meurt en l'absence de dot a été versée. Pouvez-vous m'en dire plus sur la façon dont la dot est un symbole de l'amour vrai, et pourquoi le mari veuf devra verser une dot à la famille de sa femme? Qu'est-ce qu'il symbolise? Je sais que c'est une partie importante de votre culture, et je veux vraiment mieux le comprendre.

Continuez d'écrire vos histoires à faire la lumière sur votre pays, la culture et les expériences.

J'ai eu la chance de grandir dans un pays où je pourrais aller à l'école et à l'université et subvenir à mes besoins. Quand j'ai épousé mon mari, il n'y avait pas de dot, mais que tous les deux nous a conduits à notre mariage que nous avons gagné par nous-mêmes. Donc, vous voyez, je ne suis pas familier avec la dot, mais vraiment envie d'en savoir plus auprès de vous.

Votre ami,
Sheil

My dear Wakenge Fifi Namudumbi,

Thank you for writing about the sad situation when a wife dies when no dowry was paid. Can you tell me more about how a dowry is a symbol of true love, and why the widowed husband would have to pay a dowry to his wife's family? What does it symbolize? I know it is an important part of your culture, and I truly want to understand it better.

Keep writing your stories to shed light on your country, culture, and experiences.

I have been fortunate to grow up in a country where I could go to school and university and support myself. When I married my husband, there was no dowry, but what the two of us brought to our marriage that we earned on our own. So, you can see I am not familiar with dowries, but really want to know more from you.

Your friend,
Sheil

Sheila

merci mon amie sheil
Tout d'abord mon nom n'est pas lézard .La dot est un symbole de l'amour vrai,que beaucoup de coutumes profitent pour changer cette définition.Ici selon la coutume de chez nous,le mari veuf verse la dot car il est consideré comme voleur. Et la femme qui est morte dans sa propre maison fait qu'il devienne responsable de cette mort.C'est pourquoi il est obligé (par la coutume) de verser ou de donner cette dot avant l'enterrement de sa défunte femme.
Merci encore pour cette contribution.

Leslie Stoupas's picture

Awareness

Bonjour Wakenge,

I was also curious about the relationship of the dowry to the marriage, especially why the dowry goes back to the wife's parents. I am not familiar with this tradition, either, and it sounds very interesting.

What I found particularly moving in your piece is how disruptive the arguments about the dowry are when instead, the husband and the parents need to grieve for the loss of the very special woman who has died. It sounds like there should be something in place to resolve this problem more easily. Aside from not marrying a woman without a dowry, I wonder what you would recommend to keep the conflict from happening so that appropriate grieving may take place.

Thank you for sharing this very interesting dilemma!

Leslie Stoupas

wakenge fifi namudumbi's picture

Merci pour ce commentaire

Chère Leslie
Nos traditions sont très différente de vôtres.Chez nous c'est la famille du jeune époux qui verse la dot comme un cadeau à la famille de la jeune épouse.Dans notre pays,il y a deux systèmes:le patriarcat et le matriarcat.Dans le patriarcat,les enfants appartiennent au mari et dans le matriarcat les enfants appartiennent à la femme et cela malgré la dot versé par le mari.En ce qui concerne le deuil,le mari est toujours obligé de verser la dot.Il n'y a rien pour résoudre ce problème aussi facilement.Le plus souvent,c'est la pauvreté qui est à la base du mariage sans dot. Les deux époux peuvent sachant que tous fourniront un effort pour que la dot soit verser au fil du temps.
Merci

viochan's picture

Thank you!

Dear Wakenge,
Thank you for posting about this issue. I am also unaware of the cultural implications of dowry giving or receiving, what it means for the young men and women involved in the process of getting married, or whether it is still a predominant custom or one in decline.

So I appreciate you shining a light not only to the custom itself, but also to the issues that may arise when the custom isn't followed exactly as it is "supposed to." I find it interesting that cultural practices can be so engrained and traditions so strong, but when it comes to human interaction, relationships are hardly ever black or white, are they?

Hope to hear more about this topic - perhaps you could let us know more about dowries and what they mean to the people of the DRC?

Warm regards,

Violeta

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thank you

Dear Wakenge,
Thank you for this interesting situation in your country. In Uganda dowry is very common. It is more as a way of appreciating the parents for her upbringing but eventually it brings sadness in the home because the groom will feel like he has bought the bride. In 2007 an NGO in Uganda MIFUMI petitioned the constitutional court asking the court to abolish the practice of bride price in Uganda because it was discovered that it contributed largely to domestic violence. However in 2010 the constitutional Court threw out the case. But there is a lot of advocacy work centering around the court ruling. I would therefore encourage you to look under your constitution and see if it permits an ngo to file a constitutional petition and then you seek court for this declaration. Even if you lose the case in the courts of law it will have created awareness and you can still educate the masses on this very bad practice that has been going on for many years.

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

Huma's picture

Thank you

Thank you for bringing this very important issue to light. My cultural background also poses a lot of importance on the issue of dowry. Most of the time women are killed if they don't bring dowry. If they bring less dowry they get treated very harshly. This is very unfair, and I'm glad you're speaking out against it. Thank you.

Sarah Whitten-Grigsby's picture

Very Informative

Dear Wakenge Fifi,

Thank you for your very informative testimony regarding the extreme difficulties attached to marrying a woman with a dowry, of which I, as an American, was unaware.

Instead of a dowry of money and material goods, some men, in some cultures, are wise enough to accept a woman whose "dowry' comes in the form of love, wisdom and compassion!

Your voice is being heard, now, through World Pulse, so keep writing!

With Respect,

Interfaith Rev. Sarah

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