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la vie sexuelle en famille

J'ai mene une petite enquete concernant la vie sexuelle dans le foyer,la plupart de femmes ne peuvent pas exprimer le desir sexuel sinon le mari la considere comme une prostituee ;cette situation rend certaines femmes frigides,memes d'autres se revoltent ,surtout les jeunes elles arrivent aux divorces ,nous qui sommes un peu agees nous nous resignons mais c'est revoltant .les hommes sont trop attaches aux coutumes ,et a leur egoisme.

English translation by PulseWire member Aurore

I carried out a little survey in the community on sex life within relationships. Most women cannot share their sexual desires without their husbands seeing them as prostitutes. This has many consequences. Some women become frigid. Some others rebel against this situation, especially young women who might end up divorcing. Older women like us resign themselves, but this is outraging. Men hold on to traditions and their selfishness.

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

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Comments

Bonjour!
J'aime bien votre questionnement. Je trouve que d'une manière ou d'une autre, les hommes cherchent toujours à avoir le pouvoir dans les relations sexuelles. Les femmes, pour beaucoup d'entre eux, ne servent qu'à leur rendre service mais elles ne doivent rien demander au retour. Une femme qui désire quelque chose (une vie sexuelle épanouie, le contrôle de sa fécondité, ou autre chose) ne doit pas exister - je crois que si! Je suis curieuse de lire les commentaires des autres sur ce sujet.

Aurore's picture

Bonjour!

Bonjour Nabintu, merci d'avoir partagé les résultats de votre enquête. Pourriez-vous en dire un peu plus sur les différences d'attitude entre les jeunes femmes et les femmes plus âgées ? Je suis sûre que beaucoup de membres PulseWire sont intéressés par ce sujet. Encore une fois, bravo pour votre courage à partager ces situations personnelles difficiles. Respectueusement, Aurore

Aurore's picture

Read the article in English!

I carried out a little survey in the community on sex life within relationships. Most women cannot share their sexual desires without their husbands seeing them as prostitutes. This has many consequences. Some women become frigid. Some others rebel against this situation, especially young women who might end up divorcing. Older women like us resign themselves, but this is outraging. Men hold on to traditions and their selfishness.

(This is an English translation of this blog post)

jacquesato's picture

Thanks for sharing this

Bonjour Nabintu, first of all I 'd like to congratulate you for your openness in sharing how women in your community feel unsatisfied with their sex life due to their partners' selfishness and chauvinism. What you're telling us is something that happens to many women all over the world. When women enjoy (or try to) their sexuality, they're seen as dangerous and promiscuous. The distinction between good women and bad women is a way of maintaining the domination over our lives and bodies. And there's always a double standard, one for men and one for women. However, our sexual and reproductive rights include the right to refuse the sexual interactions we don't want and seek the ones we do, as well as the right to pursue pleasure and fulfillment in sex. We have the power to change things and It's really important to instill different values to our sons and daughters.

Jacqueline

topieopolot's picture

hello nabintu

talk of men and selfishness! african men surely hold a long record when it comes to sexual intimacy and a few other things selfishness.
some traditions are good but some have enslaved women...if i may ask nabintu, does this kind attitude and behavior apply to even the educated men? and what happens to women that get divorced, does the community look at the differently? what of the fellow women's attitude towards these divorced women?
i also conducted a little research in my area on violence and one thing i noted is how women barely talked about intimacy, afew women however braved it and accepted that the men demanded and not asked for sexual intimacy and if they on the other hand dared to ask they got a rude and cold response.
let the women out their know that just like men they have rights to for instance say no if they don't feel like it.
i get angered when i hear sexist comments coming from men and how they go name calling the women decide they have had enough. and its funny when they go around sleeping with as many women as possible, and not be bothered but any woman who tries it is automatically tagged...
what do you think can be done to a wake women in your country.?
thank you and thanks for sharing

flora1's picture

sexuality

Hello Nabintu,

I am from Mexico and I remember hearing such stories from my culture as well. It breeds a disconnect and men turn away from their wives. They require such lady-like behaviour from them and then seek more adventuresome sex with other women. This is not good for families. But, we must remember men's egos are fragile and perhaps they also have insecurities.

Perhaps leading them slowly and gently, as one would lead a child to his studies? Show them that shared pleasure multiplies the happiness, secures more intimacy, celebrates their manhood rather than dimishes it.

It is very complex because it is tied to tradition and tradition takes generations to fully change, but we can start today, with our beloved and tender words.

Thank you for saying what needed to be said. I am sure many women feel what you feel and simply did not have the words to express it. You are brave.

be well.

~flora

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