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les difficultés d'une femme

une femme était abandonnée par son mari avec 8 enfants ; sans service sans salaire pour manque de moyen et support
par la famille de son mari et de sa famille, elle était obligée de contracter une autre mariage avec quelqu'un d'autre
maintenant le deuxième mari voudrait apporter la dot chez la dame , elle commence avoir des annuies de part son
premier mari elle se trouve dans l'insécurité total qu'ellle solution que vous pouvez lui aider puor échapper à la violence?

sé madame japa louise/adresse Education RDC/BUKAVU

English translation by PulseWire member Alvaroos

One woman was abandoned by her husband, with eight children and without any kind of salary, means or support. Her husband´s family and her own family forced her to get married again with someone else.
Now the second husband would like to get the dowry from the lady´s family and now she begins to have news from his first husband, she is uncertain. What solution/advice would you recommend to her to escape from this kind of violence?

Mrs. Japa Louise / address DRC Education / BUKAVU

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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Comments

Alvaroos's picture

ENGLISH - A woman difficulties

One woman was abandoned by her husband, with eight children and without any kind of salary, means or support. Her husband´s family and her own family forced her to get married again with someone else.
Now the second husband would like to get the dowry from the lady´s family and now she begins to have news from his first husband, she is uncertain. What solution/advice would you recommend to her to escape from this kind of violence?

Alvaroos's picture

Bonjour Japa Louise

One woman was abandoned by her husband, with eight children and without any kind of salary, means or support. Her husband´s family and her own family forced her to get married again with someone else.
Now the second husband would like to get the dowry from the lady´s family and now she begins to have news from his first husband, she is uncertain. What solution/advice would you recommend to her to escape from this kind of violence?

Mrs. Japa Louise / address DRC Education / BUKAVU

William's picture

difficullty in marriage

Dear Japa Louise, you have told a sad story. How is a women expected to feed 8 children by herself? The man should not have left his wife and children, unless looking for work and then sending her money and letting her know where he is. Her family wanted her married again so they wouldn't have to feed her and her 8 children. I'll agree with you that women don't have enough rights and this story confirms that. Any dowry at this point is simply blackmail by the second husband to try to get what isn't his and what he doesn't deserve. I think the woman's family should give food to her and her children and see how the second husband treats their daughter. The family should stand up for her and protect her. Does this make sense?

binapatel33's picture

difficullty in marriage

Dear Japa Louise, thank you for sharing this story with us. Is there anyway that the girl's parents and family can stand up for her instead of forcing her to get married again? If they stand up for her then they can just help support their daugther and the kids. It is no point for her family to pay the dowry to her second husband when they can use the money to help with the children. I hope this makes sense.

If her own family doesn't want to keep her because of what society thinks then can she find work and support her children without forcing to get married again?

Thanks,
Bina

Kind Regards,
Bina Patel
hc Mediate, LLC
www.hcmediate.com

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Difficult Situation

Dear Japa Louise,
This is a very difficult situation for any one let alone a woman to be in. Now that she has news from the first husband what exactly does he want from her after he abandoned her with the children. Does he want to reconcile with her. I need more information on this situation before i can advice on what to do. Please provide more information. Stay blessed my sister and thank you for bringing out such sad stories of women suffering in your country.

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

viochan's picture

Thank you

Dear Japa Louise,
Thank you for your post - it poses a very difficult question and it raises many more: did the woman want to have eight kids or did she lack access to family planning services? Where are the government safety nets that would give an abandoned person and her family the help she needs to get training, an education, a job, schooling for her children, health services, legal services, etc.? Where are the laws that protect her and her family from being harassed by her former husband?

Even though we don't have clear answers, the story you're telling illustrates perfectly the lack of a multi-pronged approach to the social problems we face. At best, there is no easy answer. At worst, there is none. Her only consolation, if there is any, is that she is not alone and that millions of women endure what she's going through every day and that there are organizations (like yours) and people (like you) fighting to make her plight a thing of the past.

Stay strong!

Violeta

Sheil's picture

What help do you need?

Hello Mrs. Japa Louise,

I am sorry to hear about the women whose husband abandoned her and his children. Where I am from, husbands are cherished for the love and protection and much more they provide their wives. They honor and love us and we honor and love them back. It is not a perfect culture, but the relationship between men and women is founded in choice; both parties wanting to be together. Then, we raise our family with hard work, love, education, commitment to each other and an effort to give our children the greatest advantage. I hope this part of our culture spreads globally. Thank you for posting the information so we know what is going on is other parts of the world. Do not lose hope.

I agree that the husband should not have left unless to seek a way to support his family (get work, etc.), and if so, have strong lines of communications with his familiy back home. If that is not the case, the wife's family should protect and feed her and her children, and ensure if she does go with one of the husbands, it is one that she wants to. I don't understand the dowry system so will be tasking myself to learn more about it in the coming weeks.

Is there a local non profit where the family can go for help? Is the United Nations peace keeping force in DRC? Can she reach out to them and get support as a refugee if there is no local help/aid from the communitiy?

Sheil

Sheila

Sheil's picture

Quelle aide avez-vous besoin?

Bonjour Mme Louise Japa,

Je suis désolé d'entendre parler des femmes dont le mari a abandonné son et ses enfants. D'où je viens, les maris sont chères pour l'amour et la protection et ils fournissent beaucoup plus de leurs épouses. Ils honorent et nous aimer et nous honorer et de les aimer en retour. Ce n'est pas une culture parfaite, mais la relation entre les hommes et les femmes est fondée sur le choix, les deux parties qui veulent être ensemble. Ensuite, nous élevons notre famille avec le travail dur, l'amour, l'éducation, l'engagement à l'autre et d'un effort pour donner à nos enfants le meilleur parti. J'espère que cette partie de notre culture se répand dans le monde. Merci de poster les informations afin que nous sachions ce qui se passe est d'autres parties du monde. Ne perdez pas espoir.

Je suis d'accord que le mari n'aurait pas dû laisser à moins de trouver un moyen de soutenir sa famille (trouver du travail, etc), et si oui, ont de fortes lignes de communications avec son retour à la maison familiy. Si ce n'est pas le cas, la famille de la femme doit protéger et nourrir elle et ses enfants, et d'assurer si elle ne va à l'un des époux, il est celui qui elle veut. Je ne comprends pas le système de la dot pour moi sera tâches pour en savoir plus à ce sujet dans les semaines à venir.

Y at-il un bénéfice non locale où la famille peut trouver de l'aide? Est la paix des Nations Unies en RDC force de maintien? Peut-elle aller vers eux et obtenir de l'aide en tant que réfugié s'il n'y a pas d'aide local / aide service de la communauté?

Sheil

Sheila

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