Birthday with a Difference!
You couldn’t wait for two more weeks to greet me. You left me on 04 April on Wednesday and my birthday was on 18 April same day. Albeit, you used to remember every date, including lot of firsts, but this time what made you so casual? Why did you back out from all your promises?
So, on my birthday, let me be sad and mourn your absence again. Let me remember all your wishes of the past and future promises on my birthday. Let me think back to the day when for the first time you got a big jolt after you came to know about your disease and the fear that gripped you at that point in time of viewing yourself dead.
Today you cannot say you hate tears and being emotional. After all I have every reason to mourn on this day. Allow me tears to cry so that it will fill my heart to the brim. Let all the pain that I endured spill again today while longing for what could it have been, had you been alive today?
But, how can I hold you responsible, as angels came and took you away? You never leave any room for doubt nor misunderstandings. You had always been there whenever things would tend to go wrong. But Alas! Today you have yourself become the reason.
I know a birthday comes with surprises and gifts. The day provides us with a chance to be happy for each other. Now the sadness has become a key to ever single memory because it makes all the past more precious and special. Thank You for being so special.
You once said that there is no mechanism to predict disasters (of any kind) leave aside our preparedness for such right. You were right. I always used to get surprised and lost that how could you so powerfully and beautifully predict about uncertainties.
Brother, your death also came incidentally without our preparedness, making us so helpless to save you! You have more smiles to flash ,more warmth to give, more strength to share, more lessons to teach, more experiences to learn from, more love to spread and more good times to cherish…These all past wishes of yours are now becoming more precious with every wonderful feeling to feel blessed.
Generally, ‘Sympathy’ can offer the kind of support that one needs indispensably after the loss of a brother. You had been always making some good personal notes to express your feelings honestly on someone’s birthday.
What then if you would have to gift me another pack of Diary milk chocolate in a typical filmy style and say, “Kuch meetha hojayeah (Let us have something sweet).” My sweet brother, I know you were never tired of gifting things. So why did abscond on this day without even dropping a message or waiting for few more weeks? And that too forever!
Anyways!!! I am not alone today, nor will I be tomorrow, as your warmest thoughts of care are with me in this sorrow. All these thoughts comfort me as I know you still think about everything in a complete new and powerful Avatar!!!
I am not able to forget what you always used to reiterate, “Yes I am here always for u & on popular demand,” you said once. So when you are needed the most, you don’t respond why so? What is wrong?
In all these days, since you left, this is for the first time that I am falling short of words. I really don’t know what to say, but there is so much that I want to say, there is unknown barrier today that is becoming a halt.
My painful memories of all the past birthdays are now growling which scares me now.
Your words still reverberate in mind that, “I hate fancy things, rest I love everything.” But, as far as I remember the gift that you had purchased for me on this birthday, must be lying somewhere, may be at your office, home in some locked cupboard or may be that always locked drawer in your office table.
I don’t have courage to enquire about my gift. But I have still countless reasons to rejoice my day by thinking about things that would have been there, had you been alive? The feeling to think and predict things soothes me deep inside.
Today there are so many things that I would like to say, I am thankful to so many things that you’ve done. For being special all those times that you were there when you helped me deep inside. I cannot forget how much you always cared!
I am so happy that on this day the journalistic fraternity arranged a cricket match tournament which luckily happens on the same day today in your remembrance, as you were a cricket lover. The match in the loving memory of yours was a real treat. What a gift. I am privileged.
Brother, on this day, I am accepting your winks, with your specs on….Smiles…
Happy Birthday to me