Bestowal
by patriciah | January 26, 2009 at 2:52 PM
I live in Northern California, USA, where spousal abuse is regularly reported in the local newspaper in its police blotter. I take offense at male belitling attitudes and usually retort. Males are suitably chagrined if I catch them but don't think beforehand--it just comes out; and I wonder about the cause, so deeply ingrained.
Recently, I ran across the following in The Gift by Lewis Hyde: "If...a woman does not receive the right of bestowal in herself, then she can never become an actor in her own right, and never an autonomous individual. [..."the right of bestowal in persons"...passes to the son when he comes of age, but not to the daughter. For where men alone may give and receive, and where women alone are the gifts, men will be active and women passive, men self-possessed and women dependent, men worldly and women domestic, and so on, through all the cliches of gender in a patriarchy."
This then is the root cause; it is this that can be addressed rather than all its manifestations. Why attempt cutting off all the shoots when upending the root would be much more effective? Say, mothers and fathers can begin giving their sons in marriage (instead of giving them up in war to be killed). The gift of a son! Say, God/Goddess gave me life!
Cordially,
Patriciah
