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the pain

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Growing from a foetus into a human being,and all this takes place in my mother's womb,who would imagine that i would fully develop in a tiny womb.For nine months nurtured by her,fed by her and when i feel Chicky and move around inside there and kick she feels it and her heart leaps with joy that yes that is my baby and even when i feel uncomfortable and move around she understands and still smiles.And i came out into this unknown world and when and when i had my first cry she was there.From my first steps and first words i learn to walk and to talk my innocence still intact within me and everything is okay,i know no problem or suffering all i see is happy people around me,the joy of being a child,to your eyes the world is okay.

Then i grew up into a teenager and i begin to blossom into a young woman,body changes take place and hey i feel a little bit different,all this changes and i get scared once in a while and i start to think"is it me alone who is experiencing all this"my confidence becomes like a seesaw sometimes up sometimes down.Then i look around and oh yes it is not me alone.Emotions such as shyness,mood swings,indifference engulf me sometimes even unconsciously.I bang head with my mum we do not see eye to eye because at this stage i think i am right and i know it all.

My mother would spy on me from a distance and she would part herself on the back for raising me into a beautiful young woman,deep down she is prayerful that the lord would protect me just as she did when i was in her womb.But even as i blossom so do the roaming eyes of hungry men.A man takes advantage of my walks as i come home everyday,marks my every move and stride and one day he pounces on me and in a split second takes away my innocence,it happened so fast,and soon i acquire a new name"a rape victim"

I am in my own world ,i am in a vacuum that is suffocating me,i seat still and silent,i do not want to talk or see anyone.Tears draw maps on my face,they flow like a never ending river.This only makes me feel better for a second so i think,fear of contracting diseases engulf me i have to wait to find out the suspense kills me even more,i crush.
A part of me feels like it was my fault and i fight with my inner self like a devil and an angel.

My nights are questioned filled,i look up and ask the man upstairs"why me" why not anyone else,is it my fault to be born a woman have i no right to express my gender.Can anyone feel my pain,it hurts so bad,it chocks me this pain,i am better of dead than alive.I do not want people to know what happened,as i walk outside and my eyes meet with those of others i cannot help but think and feel that they know what happened to me but how can they they are strangers,what has this world turned into.

But i have learned in pain to get down on my knees and pray though my faith at this point is questionable.I rise,i break this walls of pain,of anger.of fear that separate me from happiness from living a normal life and being who i want to be.This situation will not bring me down,yes i have to grieve but time heals all wounds,I rise like an eagle and fly like a pure dove and the smile that had faded away slowly begins to shine like a star up above in the dark skies.I am a living hope to the rest of the world that no matter the situation,you come out of it stronger than before.I shall live a normal life i am no different from the rest of the other people,lord help me in my journey of healing and empowerment.

This piece was inspired by the sexually abused victim of the world,lets fight rape and sexual abuse

Comments

Nusrat Ara's picture

You have rightly concluded

You have rightly concluded it. It should not bring us down.

Regards

Nusrat

irene madara's picture

encouragement

Nusrat thank you we hope to fight this and encourage those who have been through this.

irene

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