Fear of How Men Look At my Women (as Sluts)
It's sad to see so many cases of women sexual abuse is happening in India. Being a man, I can honestly say, the change has to come in the way the men think about women, especially the one in the family or loved ones or should I say, how they think others men would look at their women. I am not a saint when it comes to other women, so I guess I know little bit of what I am saying here. This is my point of view. Do excuse my English grammer mistakes! :)
[Power2Women.in] [Post] For most father, it's a normal family time when he sits on the couch with his family and watches any latest Hindi movie. In nearly in all Bollywood 'U' rated movie, he can enjoy it's item dance songs in which half naked girls gyrate to the beats. His wife, his children even help singing, humming or even dance mimicking the same steps as the actress. No wonder, I, myself had no answer to my 6 year old daughter question "Why is that lady dancing in her underwear?".
Should I say "She has no money?" or "They put these things to sell the movie" or "I am just watching the story"!!!
On the table, he keeps a normal weekly magazine or local daily newspaper which has articles, advertising and sections show beautiful women in bikinis or underwear or has articles about sex, foreplay or sexual positions with explicit photos on the same topic. Damn! Where are the good old days when we had to smuggle PlayBoy via my merchant navy friend who visited USA.
When he switches on the TV, he has no issue with advertisements content where women skin is used to sell products everything from soap to cement.
Let's check out how many men got offended by all of these and reported them as Indecent Representation of Women (Prohibition) Act.
895 reports in a country with population of 1,181,377,682. Why should I even point fingers at someone when I did smsed few times to the number that flashed on the scree and then gave up after nothing happened.
So, it seems more than 1 billion people are actually fine with lot of women showing skin in our lives. Including me!
But there is a big shout in the recent news about how women are inviting rape by wearing 'provocative clothes' like jeans, salwar kameez (as per our Dinesh Reddy, DGP, Andhra Pradesh) etc.? Please someone show them what kind of dress code is actually provocative!!!
Are men scared on how other men would look at their women? As they say in Hindi "Chor key dhadi mey tinka" [Rough Translation : A robbery always leaves have some clue]
I am a man, and I am scared. I am scared to some extent on how my wife or my daughter is looked up in the street. But, I try to hide that fear sometimes and sometimes I try to educate them as much as I can. AM I WRONG? Should I tell my daughter, not to wear short skirts or should I tell inform her about good touch and bad tough and trust her to make a right decision. What if while growing up she makes more mistakes? Should I shout at her or ban her from going out or restrict her dress code when she is a teenager or a young girl?
I found my answer one day...
One of SlutWalk co-organisers wrote a article after that event was cancelled in Bangalore after threats were received that women will not be allowed to wear 'provocative' dress-code in SlutWalk Bangalore. The organised claimed they wrote "Wear whatever is comfortable". Everyone assumed they all were wearing skimpy dress-code, short skirts etc. She answered back saying, she was planning to wear a sari.
After I read that line, I smiled too. Even I did not think, some or many women would wear a sari or jeans or dress to SlutWalk. I also assumed they would wear lingerie. Where did I get that idea from? When I googled "Slutwalk" I was shocked to see half naked women on road with signs 'Proud to be Sluts' etc on their chest. And I also assumed with a frown, thinking we will have that in Bangalore. What is the world coming too especially now when I have daughter growing up. Even after reading many articles of SlutWalk organizers I was still assuming they are asking to wear such dresses. Every word they said, just strengthened that thought in my mind especially those images of women in foreign SlutWalk merging with Indian faces.
Here also, I was scared everyone would look at my women in the same way, I, sometime look at other women.
Am I so wrong with this fear? Am I stupid to watch out for the safety of my family members? As a father, don't I have the right to say what my daughter does or wears or act? Maybe, yes.
But I cannot always assume they cannot handle themselves or they cannot judge what is right from wrong? If she wears jeans, she should have the confidence to be able to carry herself. If she wears a dress to party, I would teach them how to fight back verbally or physically if someone crosses the line.
I know, I will make mistakes as a father or a husband, but I, sincerely hope at the end of the time, they will look upon me as a man of the house that trusted them for the decisions they make and stand beside them unconditionally - well....almost unconditionally! :)
By the way Vidya Balan really acted very well in the movie 'The Dirty Picture', excellent script, cinematography, editing..., I wonder why that funny name!!!
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Tu hai meri fantasy...