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by makanaka | September 25, 2011 at 12:41 PM

makanaka

thirty first candle

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2011 VOF Week 3

I watched her as she came flying out of the house, I could not quite make out what she or he was saying but from the way she was huddled on the ground I assumed she was begging him to forgive her. I stood there in utter shock as she ran after him as he sped off in his fancy sports car and for a moment she disappeared in the dust. When she reappeared it was like she realised how much noise she must have been making and from the look on her face she was hoping the neighbours did not hear a thing. She quickly gathered up her clothes that were scattered on the driveway, looked around to make sure no one was looking and ran back in her house. I stood there baffled and short for words. A week later I was shocked to meet this lady at the mall looking all putting together in her Jimmy Choos, I saw how people around looked at her in admiration, but if I didn’t know better I would probably be gawking at her too.
This incident made me realise that there could be so many abused women in our community BUT the society itself sometimes makes it difficult for these women to come out in the open. The thought of everyone knowing what this “put together” woman is going through just terrifies them and they take the easy way out and suffer in SILENCE. Marriage is a sacred union that should be protected BUT if that same man who promised you heaven and earth is the very person who is making you feel unworthy is this then not fair to continue pushing that women back (like most of our mothers do). If it was not seen as taboo to report abuse by one’s own husband wont more women speak out?
I feel there should be outreach programmes formed that cater specifically for women abuse where women who have been through it go and speak out so that the ones in such situations will realise that they are not alone and might start coming out of those closets. These programmes should be visual as well with pictures showing the extent this abuse within one’s home can get to if no action is taken by the woman in it and the community she is in.
A platform like pulseware can help those who have access to the internet as they can air out their concerns and not have to worry about using their real names and being found out. Other women who have been and overcome similar situations can then help out and women will know they won’t have to suffer alone in SILENCE.
From what I saw from my window I now feel that only after you have walked a mile or two in someone’s pretty pink Jimmy Choos, will you understand how they might just be wishing they were you in your worn out pumps……..

Comments

Dear Makanaka

Yes, thank you for noticing her. And for being prepared to speak up for her. I wrote this poem recently to show our social responisibility for those abused neighbours of ours. Thank you for being there, in Johannesburg and in Zims, speaking up and out.

THE LITLE BOY NEXT DOOR

He's just a little boy next door
And I’m an old woman.
I see him. But he doesn’t see me.
I see him walk his dog, talk with his dog
Whispering to it secrets
So no-one can hear
I watch him everyday
I see him play to take his pain away
I can see the shame he carries
I see him walk with his head down
And I know it happened again.
I want to take his blame, iron it out
Smooth it for him
So he won’t trip over ripples of fright.
I want to call to him
I want to say Boy, come here
Let me help you
Let me put salve on your wounds, but
I DO NOTHING.

Coz he’s just a little boy next door
And I’m an old woman.
I see him. But he doesn’t see me.

That night I hear the screaming
I hear the shouting, I hear the crying
I watch him next morning
His head is down again
Down with shame, carrying the blame.
This time I stand in my door
I call Boy, come to me
But he does not hear me
As he passes
Deep in his world behind heavy glasses
And I DO NOTHING.

Coz he’s just a little boy next door
And I’m an old woman.
I see him. But he doesn’t see me.

Then I see him behind the bush
I watch him sit down
I see him drag from the rag on his face
I see him lie down
To try to sleep his pain away
Then the night comes
And I hear her shout his pain
I hear her pleading
And as the two of them run out
Out into the night
Renting the darkness apart
With the sharpness of their fright.
I stand by and watch.
I peep through my lace curtain

But still I DO NOTHING.

Now I hang my head in shame
I must carry the blame
For a little boy next door
Who wets his bed at night
Who is giving up the fight in nightmares
Sniffing stuff behind a bush
To block out the light for darkness
I must take the blame
For doing nothing
For a little boy next door

Coz I’m an old woman.
I see him
Even if he doesn’t see me.
I must take the blame
For still
I'M DOING NOTHING

With love and respect from Monica in France

Monica Clarke, Writer & Storyteller, bringing human rights alive.
I wish you 'Nangamso', that is: May you continue to do the good work which you do so well.
(A blessing from my ancestors, the Khoikhoi, the first people of South Africa).

hi monica
Thank you so much for the feedback. Your poem is great and it has made me even want to push more for the cause that is the abused people in out communities

Makanaka

Makanaka-

Your article caught me from the opening, which I think is an important component to writing such as this. You bring up a very good point, that we don't REALLY know what's going on in someone's life by just looking out our window. I'm suffering from a chronic and almost debilitating illness right now, but when I go out my door I try to look normal- you know, dress in a good outfit, put on some make-up, etc. I hear it all the time- "You don't look sick". I'm aware. I put on a good face, and few people know of my plight. But in a forum such as this I feel safe in a sense- safe from judgement, safe from pitying stares.

Anyway, the point is that I enjoyed reading your article, and that you had a solution to the issue. Keep thinking of specific goals and how to accomplish them, or at least one goal, and then what small step you could take towards that goal.

Hang in there and keep up the writing.

Peace to you-
M.

Peace and Hope-
Michelle

Hi cali
I really appreciate the feedback that you give. I am glad that though you are not well you are still taking time to halp other people and you remain grateful for so much which I sometimes don't do. As humans I feel we get so caught up in our lives that we forget to enjoy the simple things in life like smelling th roses.
Hang on in there, and thank your for remindig me to be grateful for I have so much to be thankful for.
Much love
Makanaka

Makanaka

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind reading my latest journal entry and providing some feedback. No one has done so, yet, which is odd, so I'm a little nervous about it.

Thank you so much,

Michelle

cali gal michelle

Peace and Hope-
Michelle

Hi cali
Will definately read your journal and will get back to you.

Makanaka

Thanks for sharing your story and it really touched my heart..Because I live in a society where I witness these things and sometimes even in my family.If I dare to protest,the next day I will be kicked out of the house...

But However,I am not stopping to protest although I have chosen this mas media to express my views and share my feelings.Pulsewire is the safest place to speak out where I can stand against the women abusement in our society and be the part of change..

Keep writing..and yours spirits high in the air..

Best Wishes

Thank you for the feedback, I think it must be hard for you if you witness it in your own house. All I can say is use pulseware to speak be as visual as possible when wrirring because you might not save a million BUT it will mean a whole lot for the few that you do manage to help.

Be the change you want to see in this life time my dear

Much love

Makanaka