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Shaking off fear

I was a chubby little girl, with a curly hair and dark skin, rebellious and wanted to do things my way. Many people in my society perceived me with sarcastic attitude because I was different from their typical perception of obedient and pretty girls. All I wanted is to be me. My greatest pleasure was reading and arts, I can say that I read my way to whom I am now.

I did not want to pretend so I would be eligible for marriage. I couldn't stand why I had to be a subservient for everyone just because I am a woman. I spent years fighting for a glimpse of freedom. A lifetime of oppressions started to get into me, my personality stared to accumulate fear and hesitation, and bit by bit, I lost my ability to say no.

Reading was my only escape from my reality, I borrowed books from the only friend I was allowed to have, and I decided to succeed in university. I remember the choice I made to spend an amount of money I received from a relative on computer lessons. It was my first decent sum of money for many years and I spent it to learn. My choice back then made me use world pulse today.

After two years my personal call became irresistible. I wanted to find myself. One day I packed my things and left. I conquered my fears.

I changed my family's thoughts about women, I learned to be patient. I found a job, and realized that economic independence empowered me. I studied hard and became the first woman with a bachelor degree in my family, and the first to go for higher studies. I continued reading. Became wiser and courageous. Finally, I made peace with the world and myself. Now I can do what I am convinced of.

I am still following my call, and through my journey I learned that mercy and compassion is what makes someone beautiful, sometimes I feel lucky because I do believe that the ability to change is a gift.

I married a lovely man I chose, I am working in a great place, I am trying my best to be a better human being and friend. I emancipated myself.

Comments

Stella Paul's picture

You already are

You already became a wonderful human being the day you learnt to say 'no'to injustice. Then you became more wonderful when you left the cave of abuse and walked out on your own. There is no bigger winner than one who has survived abuse and injustice. So you are a winner all the way!

Welcome to freedom, to light and to the sisterhood!

Stella Paul
Twitter: @stellasglobe

Okeny-Lucia's picture

Brave Woman

Hello
Nisan,this is an act of great courage.The story reflects the culture that sometimes is demeaning to women.I find it interesting when reading about how the Arab World is slowly changing to accept women,have a say in marriage and life in totality.
Keep onn fighting.

Lucia Buyanza
Reproductive Health

fem4femmes's picture

emancipation!!

Lovely Nisan,

Your words gave me chills. I can do nothing but celebrate the strength and light that you have within you! How many women are blessed because of your courage and your continued determination! Thank you for all that you do, both for women in the SAR and for women everywhere!

Great awe and joy to you today!!

marissa

"I am the flicker, flame, butterfly ablaze who wants to fly in search of mythical rainbows beyond the rain." ~ Ana Castillo

susa's picture

i want to give you a big hug!

Dear Nisan,

I will be better able to type this when the tears recede from my eyes and I can see the screen clearly! What a beautiful and inspiring post. Thank you for sharing such a personal story, for enduring so much, and for being so courageous in following your own star in what must have been a very dark sky at times.

I am glad that your determination and computer lessons led you to World Pulse. Per the assignment for week 2, I wonder how Voices of the Future fits in to your ongoing journey.

All the best to you on your path.

Warmly,
Susa

Hummingbird's picture

Raising my voice

Thank you for your sweet and supportive words.

I believe that World Pulse gives me a significant tool to deliver a picture of what many women in my country endure, what they have to put up with to secure a recognizable place in society. To answer your question on how Voices of the Future fits in my ongoing journey, I would say that I am in a constant search to empower my reaching and delivering skills. I always wanted to raise awareness in my society at least by writing about vital issues especially women, but the traditional ways like meeting sessions or newspapers or fundraising are not effective in a country like Syria were everything is watched and many charities or fundraising are monopolized by the First Lady group - which is ridiculous - and inside a "designed" frame. But now there is hope to offer an alternative voice, web 2.0 enables me communicate with women around the world, read their stories and projects in their communities which will open a vast horizon of solutions and answers for me. The voices of the future training is an opportunity so I can enhance my ways and resources when writing about main matters or carrying out a project, organizing a march and moving inside my community.

regards dear

A drop of rain can revive the earth, be the drop.

Hummingbird

susa's picture

raising your voice

Dear Nisan,
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I applaud your strong vision for the important work you want to do. Thank you for sharing with me the situation in Syria. Even small communications like this are truly 'windows on the world', I wish you all success as you go forward.
Warmly,
Susa

CourtneyWilson's picture

Conquering fears

I come from a culture that is very accepting of equal rights for all. Hearing your story is a reminder that this is not a right extended to everyone. Good work for following your own path and finding a way for your voice to be heard.
All the best,
Courtney

Meg Boatwright's picture

Inspiring

Your story is inspiring and shows the importance of literacy skills. Stay strong!

Meg

emilybrews's picture

In admiration

Nisan, it sounds like you have had an amazing journey in your life so far, and have been an incredibly brave and dynamic woman. I'm so privileged to be able to work with you now as part of the VOF programme. I can't wait to see what you will do next!

Emily

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