I reclaim my personal rights
One night, the first of many, he stops his car in the middle of nowhere. He comes to my side of the car. He opens the door, I ask him why, he does not respond. We are after all on our way home, a place I live with my mother. Instead he pushes my seat down, with me in it. He starts fumbling with my tracksuit. Right there he was on me. I tried to push him way, duck from the oncoming traffic, it is pointless. It only enables him more. I cry my silent tears, I curse the day I met him, the time I decided to trust him. This does not stop him, he continues, keeps going-groaning. He starts moving faster as if to some unheard rhythm, and faster until he stops. And then Silence. Silence through the houses, the lights – no sights, till the last turn to the right. He kisses me goodnight. I walk away- he drives off. I cry all night, wake with swollen eyes. It is but my sorrow, for no one can find out.
I relinquished my personal rights, in the presence of man. One I call lover, one who is my friend. Yet I imagined for a long time for that stranger to force me. He never came. I smile at him, underneath crawling with hate. Resentment fills my heart, bitterness now a part of me. Yet I let him take me home anyway. The pain and hurt in my life, no one knows I suffer inside. I give so much of my power to him who I love, just so he can love me. He possessed me in a way that terrified me. What right do I have to be loved? What am I worth? I relinquished my rights for what I thought was love
Nowhere to turn to, a story never told, yet now it can be heard, by a million women, by the head. From a confident young woman, to a lost soul. I suffered emotional abuse at the hands of a man I loved , betrayal confusion and frustration were the order of the day. I tried to commit suicide several times, for I could speak to no one, my friends never believed he abused me, he was well respected in society. My family could not know about him. I finally found solace in writing, strength in a colleague She encouraged me to join Voices of our future for support. I have arrived, now I am here. I can finally work towards getting my writings published. The story of a lost soul, a lost dream, finally found. I can live life again, I can love again, I have a hope for a future, for I have picked myself up in the face and knowledge of the lives of other women who have suffered more than I have. I reclaim my personal rights.