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I woman

Picture credit Carrie's Art & Soul

I woman

Where I come from, I am not just myself
I am a bunch of identities
I am my father and mother’s daughter
Sister to my 5 siblings
Aunt to my 11 nieces and 1 nephew
Niece to my several aunts and uncles;
Maternal, paternal and the kind borne out of societal bonding
I am my friends’ friend ...I hope
I woman

Where I come from, I am the girl who finished school without falling pregnant
And not only got one degree but two
A few hate me for it
Some envy me because of it
Others admire me for doing it
I might even be considered a role model by a few because of it
I Woman

It is also where I from that I am considered an ageing spinster
27 years old and not married!
I am considered to have outstretched my era of ripeness
Who wants to pick fruit that is ripe to the point of getting rotten?
I am almost totally unmarriageable
Worse still with the label ‘lawyer’ hanging over my head
I am more than spoiled goods
Who wants an opinionated and argumentative wife?
They prefer them soft spoken, keeping their opinions to themselves
I woman

Where I come from I am a member of my congregation
I love to sing, praise and worship in my church
I love listening to my Pastor’s sermons
Delivered in Shona; my mother tongue
If translated to English, TD Jakes’ own
Would pale in comparison
I woman

It is also where I come from
That I love to hang out at ‘Jazz 105’
Listen to the soothing sounds of African jazz
Go to the Red Fox watch my reggae brothers and sisters
Delivering amazing performances
Reggae music is conscious music
But if my pastor were to see me there
He would find a reason to pray for me the next day
I woman

I want to be a mother and wife
Have the proverbial husband, two kids (make that 3 for me) and a dog
I want to raise those kids and watch them grow
But I want to be a career woman too
I want to see the world, explore it, and transform it
But I also want a home and roots
I woman

I am a woman, yes
I am educated, yes
I love my career, yes
I want to get married, yes
I am a Christian, yes
I love art and will go nether beyond to find it, yes

How do I keep these aspirations together?
How do I fight these stereotypes?
How do I make people understand that the
Multiple facets of my character make the whole me?
How? How? How?
Should I even bother?

I fight patriarchy and patriarchy fights back
I fight societal prejudices and they fight back
Subtle is their fight that when I make noise against them
I am the fool, I am paranoid, I am being defensive
This struggle must end
This struggle will end
And I can be who I want to be
I will be who I want to be
I must be who I want to be
Without having to face judgement at every turn
I woman



Stella Paul's picture

No you shouldn't

Dear friend

You asked 'should I even bother'? My answer is, no,you shouldn't. What you are, is what all can see and feel. You are playing your roles to the hilt. Kudos to you!

Stella Paul
Twitter: @stellasglobe

MaDube's picture


Thank you dearest. That indeed is true and I see so many of my colleagues who have fallen to the pressures and have made bad decisions like marrying for the wrong reasons, Others have lost their love for life in trying to please their family or the church. These pressures are real and finding the balance and remaining true to yourself is not as easy as it sounds. But I try.

Thank you.

amiesissoho's picture

subtle or vocal

Sister, be who you want to be. you can't stop society or rather patriarchy calling you names. what is important is what you name yourself.

move on, we all have multiple identities


MaDube's picture

Moving on

Thank you for your words, urging me to defy the forces around me.Yes we have the ability to define who we want to be and defy the boundaries that have been set for us but as human beings we can not avoid the deeper yearning for acceptance as who we are. That is why we fight against racism because we want to be accepted as black, fight sexual harassment in the workplace because we want to be accepted as capable qualified individuals and not just because we could offer some sexual favors and so on.

Okeny-Lucia's picture

Hi Madube

It is always a pleasure to read from your works.The intonation and flow of language is superior.Well put.
Thank you

Lucia Buyanza
Reproductive Health

MaDube's picture

You are too kind

Thank you my sister for taking the time to read my articles. I hope you also spread the word of the things we share on this forum with those who are not privileged enough to access them.


Okeny-Lucia's picture

Thanks sister

Trusting that week two is more interesting and looking forward to reading from you again.

Lucia Buyanza
Reproductive Health

MaDube's picture


Week two is definitely exciting and I will have something by end of day Friday or early on Saturday. I am a little overwhelmed with work at my internship right now so I will work on it during the weekend.
Best of luck on yours too :-)

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