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Loving “MY” way

Tirana, 19 July 2011

I am a wondering personality, I can never stop asking how I can improve myself, the reality I live in, my family, my little’s brother life and so on. Most of the times I wonder if the wondering I engage myself in has to do with the fact that I am a woman existing in the Albanian society or just is part of my personality. The funny thing is that day after day I understand that being a woman has everything to do with this mission of accomplishment.

I was raised to think that I can accomplish everything. Somehow, in my journey I became a woman, that has to learn to cook because she has to take care of her family, has to learn to compromise, and all these “has to” hovering over my head. Out of a sudden a man by my side became a requirement and a plan for the future.

Can you plan love? How about if I am not to love a man? Regardless, I am almost perfectly heterosexual, but I never had a steady relationship with a man. And I am regarded strangely aggressive towards male company- as my mother points out.

Why can no one understand that all my greatness shatters if I fit in the gender roles? My accomplishments become colored and I am a woman who responds to a certain role in the society, who is loved because SHE is!

That is how I am a wonderer. I do not agree nor acknowledge gender roles, because they asphyxiate me and so many more people. People I worry about because they were not raised to feel free! People and societies evolve, as history goes by, different patterns of existing are created. The fact that I have a uterus and I like wearing high heels and petite dresses, or that I put make up every day so I am nice to look at, does not make me a wanted wife. The fact that I write, that I have the guts to make my point, that I work for a human rights organization, that I respect’s others opinions and ways of being is what makes me a worthy companion. Why kill the diversity and make the world in this absolute dichotomy that never fully existed. We are human beings above all, man or women, friend and co-worker later.



ola.mahadi's picture

wonderful and well said

greeting form African thanks for sharing the story here and loved how clear the idea and you using simple yet touching words glad to read your story

It is never too late to try make your way to your dream and left up your expectation.
Sudanes Women Building Peace

Bogi's picture

Thank you


Many thanks for reading my post, I am always shy for my writings. It is nice to know that other understand you, makes you feel more sane.
keep in touch


Fatima Waziri's picture

Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your story, well spoken. It is so sad that society all over have stereotypes roles and men and women and not to talk about the double standard issue. We are all humans regardless.....


Bogi's picture

gender roles...well

Hello Fatima,

I know, even when life is easy the "story" in which your reality tries to push you in makes one's life difficult. That is kind of the story of my life- stand out because i stand up

wish u all the best


Nipo's picture

women or men all are human!!!

Yes! Isn’t it funny that woman has to say that she is a human being too?
Thank you for your strong words.


Bogi's picture


A moment of epiphany from your words. Is super funny that we have to contest that we are just equally human, and we have to do this in every second and remind ourselves to be strong and not to excuse ourselves that we are a woman/girl.
thank you


Sarvina's picture

Thanks for sharing your

Thanks for sharing your lovely story to us! Gender is still a big issue in my country where girl and boy have the different right to talk. Well-done! I do love reading your article. Keep up your good work.




Sarvina from Cambodia
VOF 2011 Correspondent

MaDube's picture


Really interesting story. Indeed I also face the same predicament coming from an African setting. I cant make up my mind whether being castigated for being an independent woman is much worse than my fate where people do not pressure me to conform anymore but have dismissed me as a non conformist and therefore act like I don't exist. But whatever the case might be the important thing is that we do not allow ourselves to be swayed to live our lives the way other people want us to.

Well done.

Rumbie Dube
(Ma Dube)

cbenkov's picture

Gender roles! So confusing

Gender roles! So confusing especially when love gets in the mix. Thanks for sharing your very insightful thoughts!


Nezed's picture

Lovely... I read your story

Lovely... I read your story and i hear what you say... Plse let diversity thrive! Good one...

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