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The Modern "Schooled" Woman

Standing Up

The Modern “Schooled” Woman

Jacqueline Tarisai Mbayiwa

Getting married was never an appealing idea to me but growing up changes things all together.
I even completed High school without ever having had a boyfriend and I was very comfortable with it.
This was not the end; I even went up to college without a boyfriend and in our African tradition I was seen like one woman who had evil spirits haunting her. At the end of the day, I began to find it difficult going to my rural home for the holidays because everyone my age was married and the elders were asking questions.
Anyway, life takes many turns one can never imagine, it finally dawned on me when “Mr. Right” came my way that I had to settle down, not that I succumbed to the pressure of the society; (because I am one person who is not usually moved by people’s opinions on me)
The man who is now my husband was cultured the African way, he accepted no formal employment for women, but he was in for a surprise. Since I was head over heels in love I ignored this side of him and thought he was not serious about it.
Things became tenser when he paid lobola, the bride price and he thought he could controll me and my mind. One day he introduced a controversial subject; this was before we started living together as we waited to be joined in “Holy Matrimony” through a Christian wedding since we are both devout Christians. He pointed out that I would stop going to work when we started living together and he meant it, period! When he insisted and tried to put his foot down on this I stood up for myself and for my rights.
I told him that would never happen with me, recalling how my parents suffered as I was sometimes sent away from school for not paying school fees. How my parents during my childhood days could not afford to buy a bed as they struggled to pay fees for my brothers and I. This is the thought that really pained me and I would never allow anyone to trample on me. Would my parents have suffered that much had they known that I would not be allowed to work, that their sweat would be wasted?
“Maybe I have married the wrong woman after all,” he said
Well, I told him it was not too late for him to move on and get a different woman from me.
This conversation and heated argument helped because from that day he accepts me as I am, he does not take advantage of my womanhood and respects me so much.



Myrthe's picture

Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your story! Well done for not hiding from your husband who you are and what is important for you.

pheebsabroad's picture

Standing up!

Standing up to those you love can be more difficult than to all those who are unknown to you. I applaud your efforts to stand up for yourself with your husband and it warms my heart to hear that he loves and respects you for who you are. I hope you are able to continue to make valuable and appreciated contributions to your family and to your community for as long as you desire!


Frances Faulkner's picture


Jacqueline Mbawiya,

You did a wonderful job of communicating your needs to your husband, and I am glad he listened. You have great potential to contribute to this world through such respect for yourself, your relationship, and wanting to do the right thing.


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