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good woman, bad women

Patriarchy and its multifaceted nature remain the most ancient practices in contemporary era. Women and daughters being the most tormented.

My community is a perfect ground where patriarchy excels. I live in a very traditional society. Though, the elites disliked when referred to as traditional. In this context, the term traditional is strongly based on principal affiliations and historic beliefs the society has towards women.

Firstly, the boys and men in my community are said to be literate and socially ‘responsible’; relatively to the women. In essence, a socially responsible man is assumed to be financially affordable, career driven or job satisfied. In addition, he is elegant, may be married (single), and may have some local fame. The above personalities doesn’t necessary reflect his sensitivity to how he relates with women. For instance, it is very common to hear that the so called socially responsible men abused (killed) their wives/girlfriends. Most notable among these categories of men are University tutors, medical doctors, military, celebrities, clergies, business tycoons etc. Other categories of these persons include the heirs of wealthy enterprises, and most often are not necessary fonctionnaires. It is unbelievable that regardless of these characters, the perpetrators remain very influential in the community.

My disappointment is as a result to the fact that woman must live by the established norms; irrespective to whether it’s against her desires. Apparently, a good woman is she who is continually in charge of the family wellbeing and is likely to concentrate more on the domestic works. These include; laundry, cooking, mopping etc. Besides, the good woman must no stayed late nights, the good woman should always rush home after work for the kids (or husband), and she cannot go drinking with male colleagues without her husband. In order words, the good woman qualities should always prevail in all that the woman does.
In situations where the woman performs otherwise, the good woman qualities disappear and eventually she becomes a bad woman and a bad influence in the society. The bad woman is seen as the rule breaker, the disobedient, immoral etc.

My biggest worry above all is the fact that young people nowadays have integrated the notion of good and bad woman. I detest seeing my peers succumbing to this assumption. Each day, I struggle to avoid these archaic mentalities away from my side. Before I know it, I am accommodating some of the acts.

I have reflected on ways to speak out and could only find solace by vomiting my venom here. I do wish by expressing myself virtually will enable me realize this dream, where young people would stand up against the good woman, bad woman propaganda.

My Bog: http://zofem.blogspot.com/

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Comments

Kim Crane's picture

Let's hear it for the bad women!

...Which we all are to some extent. I've never met anyone who has met every single qualification for the "good woman" you describe. And let's hear it for the bad men, who don't accept the status quo either. As far as I'm concerned, a little venom is a good thing if it helps to break the silence. I agree with you that creating categories for the ideal man and the ideal woman is one of the most destructive forces in our society: It hides privately abusive men behind a facade of public virtue. And it derails many women before they get a chance to realize their own power and potential in the world. The first brave step towards change is for us "bad women" to start speaking out. Kudos for your righteous venom! I hope your words will sting some people awake!

zoneziwoh's picture

Absolutely

Kim, you have rightly said it all. The bad men…You know, in situations like these the bad men kept silence, because they can influence the others. In order for patriarchy to buttress its reasons for keeping the bad men silence; it refers to them as weaklings.
I love your analysis. Just as you believe, I believe with time, this notion of ideal woman/men analysed in as a character that enhances development, and not as a good/bad (wo) man.

May thanks for taking time up to read my story.

Stay Blessed

Zoneziwoh

Blog: http://zofem.blogspot.com/

Facebook:Zoneziwoh Mbondgulo Wondieh

Twitter | Instagram: @ZoFem

Nusrat Ara's picture

It's good to give a voice to

It's good to give a voice to your thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

Love

Nusrat

zoneziwoh's picture

Thank you Nusrat

You are right. It is absolutely important.

May thanks for taking time up to read my story.

Stay Blessed

Zoneziwoh

Blog: http://zofem.blogspot.com/

Facebook:Zoneziwoh Mbondgulo Wondieh

Twitter | Instagram: @ZoFem

Bonnie Samuel's picture

bad women, good women

What you describe I think is true in some form worldwide, including here in the USA! Changing this thinking and way of thinking and acting takes time unfortunately. Some time ago I was involved in the women's movement here and what I found was that women asked for change, then waited for legislators or those in control to give it to them. Change more often came about when movements and/or groups of women came together to speak with a unified voice not asking, but putting forth the change by which they would live and forcing those in charge to listen--women vote! While this works, it takes time for sure and we still have a long way to go on many issues.

Women must organize and band together to make change happen. It can be dangerous for sure. Sadly, it is women who abide by the men's rules who often perpetuate the very system they abhor.

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