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The miracle that is me

“Iam just not good enough. I am not pretty. I am not that smart. I don’t have a special talent to speak of. I do not have enough friends. I am not popular,” I lamented.
I cannot count how many times I had complained about myself. My self esteem was so low, sometimes I felt bad just being seen in a crowd.Truthfully, I cannot even trace the root cause of it, all I know is that I had always felt bad about myself ever since I could remember. I did not like my looks. I did not like myself at all.
Then one day, my mother heard me. She was not happy about it at all.
“What did you say, young lady,” could you repeat it for me. Because I don’t think I heard right,” she said. I could almost feel the pain and anger through her voice.
“Sorry mother, I was just saying.”
“Just saying what?” come here, come. Let me tell you a story.
“For the first years of my marriage, I could not have a child. Then I conceived. Of course you can only imagine how happy your father and I were. We started picking out names, visiting relatives and the anticipation was so great, you could smell it in the air. In the third month I lost the baby. I was devastated and heart broken. But I had to go to the garden and carry on as usual. Tilling the land, weeding, it was all expected of me. But I was bleeding inside.
Luckily enough I conceived again. I was half scared, half excited. I kept thinking it would break me if I lost this baby too but I also kept wondering. What if this one lived.Oh what joy would it would be. I would be happy just thinking about that. Your father was enthusiastic when he found out. He encouraged me. Told me not to get scared. All was good for seven months, then I lost the baby. It was a boy.
Then I had you.
And I lost the one after you too. It hurt as much, but this time I had a consolation. I had you. You are my miracle.”
And so from that day, my life changed.Sometimes, I feel the urge to start grumbling again but all the reasons for that pale when I compare them to the miracle that is me.

Comments

Dina's picture

Your story makes me smile

Praise,

As someone who has also struggled with self esteem, I can relate to your story very well. I love that, amidst your wanting to sometimes continue to criticize yourself, you are able to remember that you are a miracle. A beautiful miracle. I see, too, that you are from Uganda, which is a country that holds a special place in my heart. I was there last summer for an internship, returned this last winter, and will be going again this coming summer. I am amazed at the strength and beauty of the women there. And you are a shining example!

Warmest wishes,
Dina

praise's picture

thanks

Thank you Dina.I am so glad someone can identify with the story of my struggle with self esteem.Ugandan women are indeed very strong and beautiful.The things they have endured are totally beyond imagination.I hope you have an even better time when you come around again.God bless you abundantly.

curvesalish2's picture

Glad to have read your story

Nabimanya,

:) :) I really enjoy the way you tell your story. It reads so well! I think we sometimes get caught up in the hustle of life, the ego driving us to think too complexly and do crazy things. This reminds me to just take a breath and remember I am all that is.. a life, a miracle...
Thanks,
Caitlin

praise's picture

thanx Caitlin

Thank you Caitlin.Glad to know you read my story.Yeah,i agree with you,all life is a miracle and we sh'd remember to be grateful always.Thanx for that sweet reminder.Be blessed.

KariScherling's picture

thanks for the reminder

Your story was a sweet reminder that we are all worthy of belonging and connection, just for being!

thank you for sharing!

praise's picture

Thanx

You're welcome.Thank you for taking the time to read and identify with my story.God bless you.

Breese's picture

Praise - thank you for

Praise - thank you for sharing your story. It's so easy to get caught up with more trivial things like appearances, and so important to remember to be excited that we're alive and healthy and loved.

praise's picture

Thanks Breese

Breese,thanks for reading my story and for the comment.Thanx for the reminder to be excited that I am alive and healthy and loved.God bless you :-)

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