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When Mothers Kill Their Daughters.

The latest post on gender bytes based on a recent incident in Mumbai where a mother who had twins, a boy and a girl, killed the girl by throwing her out of the hospital window.

The question is how criminally responsible are these mothers?

http://genderbytes.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/when-mothers-kill-their-daug...

Comments

bhagya's picture

My response

Dear Rita,

I appreciate your views on women liberation. However, I wasn’t necessarily building up an argument on your article, even though I read it.I was posing my comments on my views, which was entirely based on the part clothing and Kushboo'. To me it was a brilliant article that I have ever read. That motivated me to share a comment. However, I am not perfect In English who can easily get my meaning across to others abruptly. That is where I think I have made the mistake in. I did not address it whole or highlight my underlying message. It is very inspiring to me to look at the points your making and please do not take me wrong by suggesting that I fall into the category anti women feminists. Instead I was making a point which was more of similar to yours. The difference is the culture and religion along with gender queality I am refering to. I was talking about the reverse of roles you have mentioned in the writing. I was pointing out how media exploits the rights of women sometimes and doe not do the same for men. Men encourage women to play certain roles that sometimes women don’t tend to realize. Making of movies- salary increments depended on exposure. Emn view women as sexual objects. I wasn’t necessarily focusing on overall India, instead only on the film industry. I agree that such incidents had happened in my country where women often prefer raising male children over female, granting more independence to male children. These things I totally agree which I did not make a note of. I agree that women should have unlimited freedom over their lives in terms of decision making, careers, choices, clothing, family planning. However, what I am confused is the safety of women by going to choose unlimited freedom especially when a society does not approve. I am not saying that women should adapt to society’s interests, instead I too encourage a change in gender roles. I am basically focusing more on the types of clothing female wear. It is not relevant to the whole article. It is just a view that I am making. I am not comfortable in a culture that allows me to expose myself than what I am used to. I agree that women should have unlimited freedom to make choices. But is the society going to accept it the way she prefers it to be? Or are they going to provide them safety? What we have to do is to change the society’s perceptions before we make this huge leap. In Sri Lanka a family suggested their new daughter in law and son to not go to the beach in the night, in Sri Lanka. Especially to not to wear skirts. She was brought up in states. However she declined to pay heed to her family and went away with her husband. Hours passed they both never returned. Then they had gone in search of them. It was very pathetic to see that she was raped after her husband was killed. She too died on the way to the hospital. That was the underlying message of my content. If a woman wears what she wants, some can say it is up to her to make the choices and has to wear it at her own risk. Can we expect men also to not react to it? This is something I wish to look into there is only one way out of this. Men should realize women’s roles and respect them, or women should get rid of creating roles for men to undermine them. This not all because she was wearing a skirt, it is the way the society has adapted from a long time. Women can’t go in the night, she can easily get raped, she can’t wear what she wants, she will generate unnecessary attention. My views are blended with religious and cultural values, and it is unsurprising if someone who prefers more liberties to condemn it. I want women to be free, but the choices they make should come blended with traditions and religion. She could have listened to the advice of her parents before she decided to go to beach at night. Society is corrupt, sometimes it is very difficult to understand if we have to abide by the society customs or expectations or if we going to take up the challenge. She had challenged her parent’s before she left the house. This is only an example that does not reflect the whole picture once again. As women we need to see how we can change the society to listen to our aspirations and desires.

Kushboo’s idea I presented- Christianity (Anglican) does not approve of adultery, or premarital sex. However, many teenagers seem to engage in it. I am referring to Kush boo’s view here. Her ulterior motive would have been a good one, however, the women opposing to it must have viewed it as threatening to their values. I am not focusing if women should be a virgin or not, it is up to her to decide. However, a woman or a man been given unlimited freedom to make choices in terms of their sex lives can pave way to lose a society’s stability, marriage lives. People sometimes don’t seem to know where they need to put limitations to what they are working on. That is where religion comes in assistance. I totally agree that women are in rigid religious and political trappings, created only to undermine a woman’s ability and role. Men are defined by their job roles, military, kinship or rank, while women are defined solely by their gender roles as Wives, servants. It looks like to some that religion granted the man more liberty in terms of family, religious and social lives, whereas the women were deprived of the basic rights or freedom that the man was accessible to; devotion, education, decision making, remarriage, sexuality, attire or reproduction. Perhaps, the man was granted the power to be dominant by nature at his birth (creation by god) to have authority over women or for his physical strengths. It can be interpreted in any way. A man is assigned to powerful, dominant roles as Kings, but not women. She has to go along with the majority and spiritual say whether she like it or not. The women roles create more sympathy in them as we see the struggles they have to face in terms of their marriage, children and family. However, please note that certain religions does not point out that men has more freedom when it comes to sex, it is men who has falsified the biblical information and interpreted it to their terms and self serving purposes. I prefer gender equality. If a woman does not want her roles to be undermined I encourage women to not take up that role. It is a difficult choice to make, especially when it comes to poverty. Eg: entering into prostitution. To me I prefer to be independent, while I represent traditional and religious values in me. However, a woman should not allow men to decide their roles. That was the point I was trying to make. I could not elaborate much on it because I thought It was evident. Women at all cost should not allow men to make choices about their lives. My appreciation is a liberation that comes along with culture and religious value equal to man and women both. If a woman is making her move with unlimited liberties regardless of the fact if men are going to support her or not, she also is responsible for the move she makes. Or she has to change the society’s perceptions and exercise gender equality and ensure that religious and political inscriptions entitle men and women both under a certain belief.

Peace and love,
Bhagya

Bhagya jojo

bhagya's picture

It's brutal

I read your article and I found it to be very Informative and I felt that there is something that has been thought provoking to me since I started watching movies.. Growing up in a Asian context I have encountered several incidents where women are discriminated. Women often do fall in trouble in my society by going to adapt to a culture other than their own and misusing their liberties and wearing revealing clothes. Their attires generate unnecessary attention and leads to rapes, sexual harassment. Even when we look into media I have always questioned myself why women have to wear those, when the man is fully covered? This is very evident to me in bollywood films. Actresses payments are solely depended on how much they reveal concept. The more one is enticed to reveal the more she earns. Basically women are seen as sex objects and women too play a part in undermining their own role. When the pay is good women do hesitate to leave the role or object to what she is being told to do. It shows her slavery towards making money. This can be counted as one instance. Relating to Kushboo's view, it is unsurprising for her to make a comment of that sort. What hurts me the most is we are losing our identity and culture we belong to. She being an Indian she has forgotten the values an Indian woman relates to and I am impressed at the response the public make. I feel proud to be a woman, but when I see where women themselves make attempts implicitly or explicitly to dis grade their own characters, I feel depressed and discouraged. Women should think for a second the next time they go to make choices for themselves in terms of clothing, marriage or could be anything.

Bhagya jojo

Rita Banerji's picture

Khushboo

Bhagya,

I think you are referring to the post on 'Pink panties and the Indian women's sexual liberation movement.'

Partly I am disappointed in that it appears to me from your comment that you did not read the whole post before making your argument.

The point the article makes is that a woman's freedom begins with the freedom of self. It is not for society to decide how a woman makes individual choices about herself.

Secondly, what Indian culture are you talking about? The victorian one India borrowed from the british 200 years ago? If you go back 2000 years, and all through the first millenium A.D. women walked around bare breasted in India, just as they still do in many parts of rural India. I visited some villages in Bengal this year where they were totally unselfconsciously bare breasted. No shame there! Further more I think it is sad how little Indians know about their own ancient culture. IN terms of sexual freedom, and expression women in India in the first millenium A..D. -- were far more forward than they are today. Of course I speak now not just as an Indian, but an INdian writer and scholar who has written a book on this subject! This is para in the article you did not read I think :-)

"the first millennium C.E. provided a radically different vision of women's sexuality and sexual freedom [in India]. Not only do the texts from this period declare that women had the same rights and freedom to enjoy sex as men did, but that they too could indulge in it for pure pleasure and not simply for reproduction. Moreover, the kamasutras speak of the issues of female orgasm, how different it is for women than for men in that it is foreplay and not coition that leads to orgasm in women, and how it is men who need to know and understand how to pleasure their female partners. Data from this period indicates a tremendous degree of freedom and choice for women in selecting their sexual partners, even if they were married, and in expressing their sexual needs and wants.[12] "

Rita Banerji
www.ritabanerji.com

Rita Banerji's picture

It is about the freedom of Choice!

Bhagya,

I think you are referring to the post on 'Pink panties and the Indian women's sexual liberation movement.'

Partly I am disappointed in that it appears to me from your comment that you did not read the whole post before making your argument.

The point the article makes is that a woman's freedom begins with the freedom of self. It is not for society to decide how a woman makes individual choices about herself.

Secondly, what Indian culture are you talking about? The victorian one India borrowed from the british 200 years ago? If you go back 2000 years, and all through the first millenium A.D. women walked around bare breasted in India, just as they still do in many parts of rural India. I visited some villages in Bengal this year where they were totally unselfconsciously bare breasted. No shame there! Further more I think it is sad how little Indians know about their own ancient culture. IN terms of sexual freedom, and expression women in India in the first millenium A..D. -- were far more forward than they are today. Of course I speak now not just as an Indian, but an INdian writer and scholar who has written a book on this subject! This is para in the article you did not read I think :-)

"the first millennium C.E. provided a radically different vision of women's sexuality and sexual freedom [in India]. Not only do the texts from this period declare that women had the same rights and freedom to enjoy sex as men did, but that they too could indulge in it for pure pleasure and not simply for reproduction. Moreover, the kamasutras speak of the issues of female orgasm, how different it is for women than for men in that it is foreplay and not coition that leads to orgasm in women, and how it is men who need to know and understand how to pleasure their female partners. Data from this period indicates a tremendous degree of freedom and choice for women in selecting their sexual partners, even if they were married, and in expressing their sexual needs and wants.[12] "

Rita Banerji
www.ritabanerji.com

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