I lost my grandfather recently. Needless to say, his passing has pushed me to rethink my own life (and death). Invariably, flashes of the past coloured by his presence throughout my 30 years come and go. I can't help wondering where he went. I'm so curious to learn more about the afterlife, the hereafter... is it ever-after?
Death is an inevitable truth. We shall come to grieve so many other deaths before our loved ones lose us. But this simple truth doesn't stop me from reflecting on this one, single, sad event that has brought my loved ones closer together, united in our grieving but divided in how we grieve. We each have our own way of dealing with it all. I for one, am still numbed by his leaving. There's a big hole in my life where my grandfather used to be. I am yet to come to terms with that. I suppose it will take some time.
The aftermath of my grandfather's death has left me re-evaluating my own life path, the decisions and in-decisions, where I'm heading, my relationships, how well (or not) I live my life to the fullest. It has left me with a feeling of undoubted knowing that as much as it takes a lot away from us, death also gives us so much. I am struck by how benevolent death can be. I think about my grandfather, the life he led, how colourful it has been. For all his 90 years, my grandad knew how to be a child. Especially in those last few moments, those last few months, weeks and days - it was as if he knew something I didn't know. I keep thinking how I wish I could have seen what he saw. But the truth is, everything he would have seen, would have known is waiting to be discovered by me. It's right there in front of me. All I have to do is open my eyes.
Death is only another beginning. This life, here and now, is mine to embrace with full force, much consciousness and with strokes of my own individual genius. There can be no two lives that are alike. This much my grandfather has taught me. And I think that's all I will ever need to know.
(My emotions are overwrought. I write this under much emotional turbulence. And with apologies to Rachel and the rest who patiently steer us all on this program. I'm sorry I haven't been able to contribute to the last two assignments. I hope my posts hereon will help someone, any one of the courageous people who are with us here today.)