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A little history

This was a first draft to week 4 assignment, later changed my mind completely but kept the text, needs some work at the end but i'm tired from the day (for a mother 1am is very late!)

In 2006 I first experienced what it was to have a vision and perspective of my own.

I was studying, my parents were living abroad, my brother was rarely home, I had means and friends. Younger I has been diagnosed with gastritis and was given a list of food to avoid and another list of pills to take, 6 in total, some for gas, some for reflux, some to digest better and another to protect the inner walls of my stomach. Up until that year I had been working in a big corporation, I worked overtime, like everybody else, but it was taking a toll in my body, my metabolism accelerated and I lost 15 pounds of an already small frame.

Soon enough, and against my father’s wishes I quit my job and focused of finishing school and taking care of my body.

I gave up the pills and started cooking everything for myself. All I ate I made from raw. Taking care on how I was cutting the vegetables, how was I mixing the ingredients, the thoughts I was having, the intentions, how I moved the wooden spoon and how was this matter being transformed by fire. I ate seated, no TV, taking everything in, focusing my attention on nurturing. I learned to make bread and felt working the dough was interacting with living things. I tried, in sum, to focus my attention on everything I had been doing in routine.

December that year I was thriving! I felt alive. That month a group of friends left for a 10 day trip to a town called ‘El Pauji’ on the verge of the Guayaness Tepuy were the rock breaks and the Amazonian forest is displayed like a carpet of broccoli under our feet. Hours before leaving for that trip I wrote:

The Sun is going down and I have the feeling this is the last time I’ll look at a sunset the way i’m seeing this now. In one way or another I’m saying goodbye to myself. Who knows how will I come back, how will I change and how will I look upon this same sunsets. My excitement has been growing and I can-t almost believe how it this trip itches in my chest, breasts and throat.

I came back a different woman. Up until this day I refer to that time as “the time I lived at ‘El Pauji’” and it was only 10 Gregorian days! Living there I felt elevated from all unnecessary and transitory until fully understanding all I needed was water, earth, wind and fire. People around me were all my family and no one judged or impose on others. It was bliss. Leaving town there Is a sign that reads “save us in your heart, keep the magic alive” There I had my first vision of the daughter I was going to have.

In my teen years I had been quite promiscuous, I always thought that I was expected to give myself to men, ever since that trip I took full awareness of my body: my temple and took and take much care in who I let in. I do not wall myself but do organize in circles, inner and outer. I protect myself, my spirit and light. I love to visualize a cocoon inside lies a candle light. I figure if I keep my light safeguarded from everything that is outside, I can turn my sight inward if outside darkness reigns. I have faith, I believe.


alia's picture

iam so impressed by that so

iam so impressed by that so much , i believe you ,some trips can change our lives , that happened to me too

thanks for shring that with us my friend

my love

antoniamichaela's picture


What you wrote here is so beautiful.....What a story. Wonderful that you became so conscious of what you were doing when you changed your eating/cooking habits, and how that consciousness and intentionality actually made you thrive and feel happier! I find that very inspiring. I really liked reading about your experience on the trip you went on. And thank you: when hearing about how you see your body as a temple now, and you take care who you let in, it reminds me to think about that for my own body too. Thank you for sharing your thoughtful and beautiful story here.

Peace, Antonia's picture

Antonia! Thanks! it is easy

Antonia! Thanks! it is easy to forget the value in sharing, thanks you for reminding me and appreciating my words

Much love

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