Now it is past four years from the day I left her behind me in my hometown. Although I went and left her alone, and even could not talk to her, saying her name and to remember her in the revision of my sad memories burns all my property. The day I asked Mary to accept my accompanying in her life, and said her how she was unique in my life; how my love was pure and life without her is not possible for me is very clear and I can remember it very well. After asking her accompanying, how it was great to see the light in her beautiful easy which was burning like sunlight of sun in summer season all my body. The most beautiful smile of the world in a quiet and polite manner was her reply to me, and to describe my feeling I am disabled. And I should remember also the news of my scholarship whish I had got it, and had an opportunity to continue my education of the country. So it was then I should have taken a decision what to do? My sister told me it is the issue that I myself should decide about, and she reminded me the importance of that scholarship.
It was a dilemma for me to make a decision, for I did not want to leave my dear Mary; in fact, I thought not seeing she for four years was impossible for me, on the other hand I had to go for that scholarship, and every wise knew what to do in that situation. Coming my childhood dream true, I must use that great opportunity, and should know how this four-yare-study would be important and more than necessary for me. So I thought at any cost I must go for studying and it was the decision which I had made it
So when the next say I ask Mary I want to see her, the same as usual with her fragrant red dress, I saw her waiting in the same corner of the library. I never forget how her feeling was changed when she understood about my going, and she did not talk a word for a while. Then I said I must go and she should wait for and I will be back, and explained how this studying was important, but she still was quiet and it was very painful for me to see tears in her beautiful eyes. I think it was my biggest faults not asking her even a word but just saying my decision and leaving her alone with no more explanations.
And during these years I have been always trying to have communication through letters; even though, I never had any replying from her even not one. Never receiving reply did not made me to get disappointed or never caused to forget her because I knew she was thinking about me. I was sure my feeling can never tell me lie about her love; furthermore, this is her memory which courage me in each second of my life, how to breach, how to study, how to be hopeful, and how to be alive.
Then with her memories I past four years while I was studying and it was the time to be prepared saying good bye to my four-year-city and collage. It gave me a good feeling to thinks how she was restless for my coming although there always some thing in my heart which was bothering me all the time and even in my dreams and it was her silence. During the flight the only thing that was occupying my mind was seeing my lover, counting the seconds for seeing her I felt was really difficult. Sometimes I was astonished how I past four years not seeing her or not hearing her voice even for once.
I was so passionate about seeing her after four years; in fact, I did not know how it will be delightful for me and how I will be able to explain al my happiness and to share my sadness about the years I past with our her, the days that her memory was reliving me
Finally there was an end to all the bitter waiting, now I was there to say my love I was back to her for always, a more educated man, more important person, all for her. I was there to say how I did all these for her and happiness. I loved the fragrant of my country, the buildings, the people, and the roads because they all remind me her and her existence.
Not knowing there was the first shock, I could not see her any where of the airport when I was in there after four years although I had put every single details of my returning in a inpatient way in letter although there won’t be any reply for that. Then the thought of that she may want to surprise me otherwise she should be there because I knew she restless to see me, restless as I was restless to see her.
My sister never talk a word about Mary during we were in care to her room, and my feeling said me there must be something wrong; for, by sister knew all about me and my restlessness because I would always explained to her about Mary. It was then that some terrible thoughts come to my mind, I thought if see dose not like me any more, or if she was married some one else and thousand other strange thought was rushing toward me. I could wait any more and I interrupted my sister's asking questions and said if Mary is alright? But still she was somehow suspicious not telling a word or not seeming quite normal.
But again I resisted to her please say something if something is wrong and said many other words. So my sister as she was very quiet asked me: to be calm in order I wanted to know anything about Mary? She in a low and frightening tone started and explained how after I left she was sick and how immediately she was died. She said we did try to save her life at any rate with all the power we had, but it was all useless. It was not correct, it was not believable, then in a second I reviewed all my memories the reasons, the causes then I got the answer of why she was not sending my replies. Then I could not could not talk or move because I could not accept that she was not alive.
The whole world was black for me, and felt I it was impossible for me to breathe; in fact there was no reason for me to live now, and it was my entire fault. I remembered how easily I left her, how during these years I was studying even not knowing she was alive or no. I did not want to be alive any more there was not thing here to be attached to, my world was destroyed.
During we were in the car my sister did not talk more than the dead news of Mary, only tears were on her checks, and how sorry she was for her brother . I even did not want to ask why they did not say me during the past years because I could not want to hear any more. Then I noticed us where in a cemetery in a far away place. My sister cried and said she how deep she was sorry not saying bout Mary's dead to me "because I wanted you to be able to continue your studding" my sister said, it is all the reason. She added how she loved her only brother and how it is important to accept the reality of life as noon as possible. And now she in her car, and is watching me on the gravestone of my Mary.