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I WOMYN... An Autobiographical Poem

I womyn child
Conceived from a forbidden love
A mistress, concubine, prostitute
A womyn bearing another womyn into this world
At what cost
For money?
Or as a gift to another womyn who could not have her own children
Sisters taking care of sisters
That’s how I remember my childhood, two womyn sharing a man
A love, a family
Building community so the other can eat and survive

I womyn child
Found in a room, still in existence today
On the floor in a corner, bundled and naked
Starving and neglected
Like when you go to pick a kitten in a litter
Who’s , mother was forced to leave because some one else wanted you

I womyn child
Fed with a cutip
Because my little body did not know how to take care of itself
I womyn child a survivor

I womyn child with strength bigger than myself
No memories or pictures to look back on
I womyn child, never born
That’s what it feels like at least—a life created from nothing

I womyn child loved by many powerful womyn
Including my mother, the goddess blessed you in so many ways
You are a vessel that bares children for other womyn happiness
Ten, fifteen I stop counting my brothers and sisters
That I will never see

A story---I too will create from nothing because the truth is unknown
To me , How I became, I womyn child

I womyn child in Washington Heights
Playing underneath my covers, in the closet
With my neighbor’s granddaughter, eating pussy, finger popping, tongue kissing
While my mother was working, I was at the baby sitter playing with myself
Sitting by the window playing with the man across the street, who showed me his big dick, rubbing and twirling, so I can could do the same
I would take off my clothes and show my breast, take my underwear’s off and open my legs

How did I know how to do this? Why was it okay?

I womyn girl
Was I raped? Sexually abused?
That’s what I thought at least because my pussy itched
Every time I got the opportunity to be around a man
A human

I womyn girl in New Rochelle
White dick in my face, pretending
I was sleeping but enjoying it as my heart cried fear

I womyn girl on Dykman
190th st on the roof top
Sucking dick I think, &/or kissing and rubbing, maybe jerking off too

I womyn girl in DR
Neighbors, sucking my pussy, showing me how to eat ripe fruit
Sitting on men’s lap, so they can feel and play between my legs
Tears streaming down my eyes because I knew better
What was happening was wrong
Tongue kissing my uncle, if only for a minute and on breast
I cried for my mother, my protector
I knew I would be saved

I womyn girl
Blamed for my mothers choices
You will be just like her----a prostitute
Amount to nothing and have twenty kids
You are a waste of time
Because your destiny has already been chosen, by me your father

I womyn teen
Another womyn child giving birth to another womyn child
Daughter and son
A balance to a crazy life
I womyn teen
Living in her shoes
But instead of giving birth to so many
I vowed to never do the same & killed them instead
I womyn teen
Already judged without having an identity
I womyn teen
Trying to be free, form this crazy destiny
Something deep inside of me is telling me
That this story doesn’t belong to me
I womyn teen
Who am I?
I don’t know who I am
Am I mother, my grandmother perhaps?
I don’t belong here

I womyn teen
Pregnant @ fifteen

I womyn teen
Where do broken hearts go

I womyn womyn
Look just like her
More and more everyday
The freckles on my face that connect the dots to a story deep inside of me
I womyn womyn
Look just like her
But I have to keep it to myself
Because I am afraid that I will devastate my mom
If I speak her name
That if I resemble or remember her, I will be forced
To find out the truth

I womyn womyn
Look just like her
And I have so many questions to ask
What drove you to use your body to survive
Why didn’t you keep me
Where are my sisters and brothers
What did you need?
I have tried so hard to not be like you
And I don’t even know you
I have paid the price for your decision
I have lived a story that does not belong to me

I womyn womyn
Have two beautiful children
A son and a daughter
My children asks where my freckles come from and I say the sun
Buts that’s not true
They come from my mother
I look just like you

I womyn womyn
Letting go of the super womyn syndrome passed down by osmosis
I womyn womyn
Letting go of violence & unhealthy relationships passed down by blood
I womyn womyn
Reclaiming my birth and rebirthing myself
A painful process on its own
But harder with half a story

I womyn womyn
Coming full circle in my daughters eyes
The legacy of strong womyn
I cannot continue to pass down
Breaking the cycle of loosing our souls
Breaking the cycle of being concubines, prostitutes, or mistresses
Not only for others but of myself

I womyn womyn
Battling her inner child every time it comes out
Trying to find the answers in all the wrong places
I womyn womyn
Re-creating my mothers stories, both of them
Today, I have created the same community of sisters supporting sisters \
That they created for eachother
No judgment but just because I am a womyn too
I love you

I womyn womyn
Reflecting the stories of all the womyn in my life
Supporting other womyn in their process of rebirthing
Supporting other womyn in giving birth to other womyn, daughters, nieces, granddaughters, aunts
I womyn womyn

I womyn womyn
Watching the powerful womyn in my life die
Say goodbye—ceasing to exist as they are
Dying of Aids, tumors, cancers, & domestic violence
Dis-eases, traits of unhappiness, suffering, violence running through my veins
I womn womyn
Healing, Healing, Healing
I womyn womyn
Watching the womyn in me die
Say good by –ceasing to exist as I was

Comments

aimeeknight's picture

This is an amazing poem, in

This is an amazing poem, in truth it became difficult to read because the descriptions are shocking. It was direct and honest and you did not shrink from that. Then you shared your inner struggles, your questions and contemplations. Then beautifully you began to find yourself, I am so proud of you!

Aimee Knight

"One shoe can change a life" ~ Cinderella

ArtByMia's picture

Thank you

This is a POWERFUL piece... full of energy, truth, dignity, anger and voice!!! Thank you for sharing this with us. You are a brave Warrior Woman ... keep in the light and continue in the path!!!!

Mia

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