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The Peak of my life ----My Share of Domestic Violence

Our Living room

This is the latest of my life. I am not writing so as to win the competition, I have been looking for an opportunity where and when I could pour out my journey of life and share my life experiences aimed at changing lives. Thanks to World Pulse!
It turned out that the man I chose out of the many, to be my husband and the father of my children became a danger to my life. A girl in my village gets married at a minimum age of 10 and maximum 15. I was the OLDEST girl in my village to get close –to – married by the age of 25 after completing my Bachelors degree in 2007 and working as sales representative in a bank.
I admired nothing other than the past life of Samuel 31, he grew up in lots of hardships and struggled his way to a Diploma in Education. His mother and father died when he was still a young boy, 9 years old. Having struggled and made his own future I thought he would be the best man to me. I knew everything about him before I accepted to live with him, despite that the other young men where more educated, from well to do families and feared God, I thought that Samuel was capable of making the best family.

My first disappointment came in early 2008, March, two and a half months of stay together. He deceived me that he had gone to his village for funeral, for four days he was with another woman in another District. Having gone on Thursday, he was having a chat on Phone with our neighbor who happened to be his friend (the friend thought I had gone to church as usual, I was just in the house), Herbert put his phone on loud, so I could clearly hear everything since our houses where separated by a thin wall. They where spitting everything, how he was having fun with Betty in Moyo. And Betty also talked to Herbert, she also concluded that they were having fun. When he came back on Monday I told him but he denied totally. I felt heart broken and decided to quit the relationship, I went back to live with my sister.

He came with his cousin brother after a week and cried and pleaded with my mother, sister and me, with his whole shirt wet begging me to go back and promising to change. I was convinced he would change, I accepted to go back. After two months, he went back to the same girl (I had tricked and befriended her in the process), the day he went the girl called me and told me he was there, describing how he was dressed, when he came back the next day, he denied completely. I wanted to leave, he cried more than ever and begged me to stay, I stayed again.

I was six months pregnant when I realized he was married with a child. I decided to quit the relationship in April 2009 because I never wanted the woman and her child to suffer because of me. He came before my mother and sister and denied completely that he was not married, he only had a child with her and that the woman was just gluing herself on him. He cried tears like water that he needed to live with me. On the other side my elder brother and an only brother especially was advising my mother to make sure I lived with Samuel so that they could get bride wealth. “Mother is too old, she has to enjoy bride wealth from you before she dies” were his confessions.

I was forced once more to go back, my mother would say that we must learn from her, enduring whatever a man does as she did but I would remind her that we are in the H.I.V/AIDS era that is not comparable with the olden days. I had no where to go other than my sister’s house here in Kampala, I could not go to the village and give birth there. I stayed at my sister’s until I gave birth (she, Josephine took care of me in my pregnancy until giving birth, Josephine is unforgettable in my life), she did something few people can do here.

Time came, I had to return to Samuel’s house.Little did I know that I was jumping into fire. This was not the Samuel I knew, this time he would drink and club, leave home in the morning and come back home from 2, 3, 4, 5 am every weekend, his girl friends would call him anytime of the night and say anything. If I commented he would hit me badly, he would tell me that I am useless, it is his money, that I should make my own money and use it as I like too, he would call my family trash …… I know what it means to sleep next to a drunk person especially if you do not drink, I know the humiliations of past midnight phone calls from other women to the man you call your own. I got the experience because this behavior continued from June 2009 to November 2009 non stop. (Within this period I had a lot of stress and surely felt useless and hopeless once again and thought I would not get anywhere in life) Remember no job, the pregnancy affected me, I was so sickly and after giving birth, I could not find another job easily.

I decided to quit and was determined to suffer all the consequences of living independent without a job, my sponsors (who educated me) supported me so much after realizing my mistake of the messy relationship, they sent me some money to pay house rent, cloths for my baby and upkeep every month, God bless The Howard Family!

Samuel thought I could not make it in life without him or his support. One day, in July 13, 2010 while I had already started working and having my small shoe business, in my absence he came to my house and packed EVERYTHING, by the time I reached home I found when he had removed everything outside and was heading to bring a car to take them to his house, I did not say anything. All that were left where my cloths, my daughter’s and for the other two young girls I live with plus my college mattress and a few plates and cups. He claimed it was his money used to buy the things I had. My house became empty but I became more determined to start life from zero than live a tortured life all the way. Thank God for the Howard Family, they bought me a television in less than a week! I know how it feels to sleep hungry without food or without a coin in the house, I know what it takes to struggle for survival. I know how it feels to use a mattress as a sofa in the living room during day and as a bed in the night.

After his plans failing (of taking everything thinking I would get stranded), Samuel has not given up, he goes to my mother and asked her to convince me to go back to him. He sends me messages to forgive him as he had always said. Whatever he says, he has said them over and over and I know he is the same Samuel.

There are many Women suffering just like I did, I am so determined to live independently with my daughter even if it means no more man in my life. Many women have innocently contracted HIV/AIDS because of the say that once married, always married, enduring all the behaviors of a man, good or bad (a myth of an African woman----enduring the mistreatment s of the husbands until death).

I am happily living stress free with my daughter and the other two girls I live with, my niece and a house keeper. I believe there is a reason as to why God allowed me to pass through all I have passed through.
I am not trying to pull anyone from their relationships especially the shaky ones, hung on there if you must. This is my choice after weighting all I went through.
I am appealing to those who are still searching to consider the character of the man or woman before they go far consider not his/her past or present life experience for your choice.

A sofa during day and a bed at night
my daughter Rebecca Blessed (Baby Becky)
Becky and my niece Jas

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Comments

Adelma A.Linatoc's picture

Mother nature

AchiengNas,

Every woman really dream of having a life that is so simple and I symphatized you because we have almost the same dream before of having a simle life and family.Yes I understand what you have decided how many times before but it seems that the person we choose to be our partner in life was not trustworthy of our ones' in a life decision. At least our lucky enough of having your family who are very supportive and thanks a lot also to the Howard family who always stand at yourside.You are still very lucky having them.
Like Mother nature, we got angry and lost our temper if we feel that we are abused just like what's happening now in our world. We've been victims of the floods,earthquake and different kinds of disaster that happening in every part of the world. I understand where you came from and you decide to just live contented with your child. She is your guide and inspiration.

Let's keep our hands together and we will be more strong.

AchiengNas's picture

Thanks

Adelma,
Most times I do not blame anyone for whatever happens in my life. I always think God has a reason why I have gone through all I have. On the other hand I do not have self pity, rather I look forward for the better.
I know all will be well and at the right time.
Thank you

I believe everybody has the potential to live a better life. Given the Opportunity, Education and Motivation ANYONE can become someone admirable. Nobody is a NOBODY, everybody is SOMEBODY.

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