Caution: Transformation Zone!
As much as I would like to say that my memory is like a 256 GB flash drive, it’s really nothing more than a 256 kb floppy disc. Not only does my memory lack capacity, it is very selective, and, over the years, I’ve developed the ability to filter memories in support of my inflexible values and beliefs. At too early of an age, I vowed to never rely on anyone for help or support – EVER. My uncompromising declaration came about after a series of events that produced tremendous pain, loss and suffering; I was so naive that I truly believed that I, alone, could only know this level of anguish. I developed an unwavering resolve to help others, but to never, ever let anyone in to my world. I actually became quite good at it; too bad it’s a skill not worth noting on a resume.
A few years ago, my world changed forever; I lost my husband to cancer, and my future to despair. This easily could have been the event that would permanently seal my heart from the world, except that a broken heart necessarily means that there is an opening somewhere. A few dear friends were able to sneak in and the skies suddenly went from a dull grey to a brilliant blue. Something else slipped through the crack: My sister sent me the VoOF announcement and I actually opened the link and began to read … I read about women across the globe who are making a difference; about issues that impact our health, economy, welfare and humanity; and about people that I otherwise wouldn’t know about. After taking it all in, it occurred to me: When I’ve faced obstacles or challenges in life, or experienced tragedy, loss, or pain, I go away; away to a nice secluded spot in my head, or preferably, a magnificently serene place in the solitude of the Wyoming mountains. But World Pulse (through the VoOF program) is a place to connect, not DIS-connect! I realized that I had, over the years, disconnected and over time, became disempowered, disinterested, and generally discombobulated. In that moment, I craved, for the first time, connection!
My vision for my life’s journey now is about possibility and transformation; rather than spend the rest of my life regurgitating old stories and reinforcing stereotypes in support of my fixed ideas about life, I believe I can transcend the “generally accepted” and be a part of “global change”. Through their stories, VoOF women have inspired me to step out in faith (and a significant dose of courage!), and re-connect to the world, to women, to the earth, to humanity! I am taking a journey this next year, beginning January 1, 2011, and I intend to discover my country, its people, and with some creativity, discover myself in 3-D!