Widow Woman
by larawilliams | September 27, 2010 at 2:56 PM
When I graduated from University I wanted to be a fantastic entrepreneur. I had dreams of the movie - A Woman of Substance and that was my focus. One snag there was I fell in love and the next step was to be a home maker, wife and Mom.
Somewhere along the line my husband came out to tell me I couldn't work at a full time job but I could start a school. So I started a day-care in the house which the children eventually outgrew and it became an elementary school. A few years into that my husband died and so I relocated back to the city where my parents lived.
When he died I was 5 months pregnant and angry. Why was I angry because my husband died in the middle of an argument - which we never finished and boy was I mad! I felt it was a cop out; he died so he didn't have to end the quarrel and that way he won! Crazy isn't it? I guess so but I have found women grieve in different ways and that was my way of coping.
Since then I've come to closure but closure came to me slowly in little drifts that kept me weaving back and forth not sure which way to go. I wasn't listless but I was depressed and that kept me in a near senile state until I forced myself to grasp the loins of my mind and move on with my life. I did and I became a mother of three children completely.
I now swung my focus 360 degrees to fully concentrate on my children. That became who I was. I was a mother - period! Maybe in a way I was trying to use my children to fill the gap my husband left? Maybe? But I gave them my best and my full attention. I still do a lot of things today, but my children are my best friends.
The problem with this was that as they grew older I had to find my space different from theirs because they needed their own space which I must confess did not include me as much as I would have wanted. So now I'm older, wiser, my children are adults and living their own lives and I've come to the point where I step aside and watch them use all the wisdom and talents and training I've given them as they grew up.
After 17 and half years of widowhood in a hostile African territory, I think I would like to try marriage again. I have the time to give to another person now my children are grown up. That's my story; I'm a widow - so what?
Comments
Proud of woman like you
Dear Lara
You are a widow , but eventually you are a woman who devoted her life to her mission as a mother . And when it is done , you are still a woman who needs to share her life with her man , even if the first one died . Life still goes on .
Sincerely
Sahar Nuraddin
follow me @snuraddin
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"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
- Helen Keller
Extra-ordinary Woman...YES, YOU!!!
Dear Lara ~
I was touched by your story, the honesty to share the depth of your emotions, complex yet filled with love, hope and determination. I believe you are an "extra-ordinary" woman, not defined by the stigma of widowhood but empowered by the strength and love of a mother and a supportive sister to other widows. It is your time to be kind and loving to yourself, we all deserve happiness and love and I wish you the very best!
With gratitude,
Linda Ando
With Gratitude,
Linda M. Ando
Amazing
Dear Lara,
Thank you for sharing your important story. I hope you find what you are looking for. It sounds as though you did a wonderful job with your children while you were dealing with feelings of depression. And that you were able to pull through those emotions on your own and make it through is really a tribute to your strong character.
Eleush
wow - i feel so encouraged
wow - i feel so encouraged from all the posts and comments. Thank you all so very much I'm so glad to connect with you all through this network
Lara
An inspiration
Dear Lara,
Thank you for your personal story about widowhood. And you are so right, that it is not something that should define you. It is not something that means you are weak, it is something that means that you are strong. You may have had a difficult time in coming to terms with what happened with your husband and this is so very normal with grief. I completely understand that. And also the anger at your husband when you realised he had gone and left you. That is also very normal.
And i can tell by the strength of your voice that you are a wonderful woman and one that will add richness to the lives of those you meet and inspire. So, maybe it is best to consider yourself a strong woman and a survivor who has learnt to live in the hostile territory and realises it is time to move on and it is no longer hostile anymore.
Best of luck on your excitin journey. I look forward to hearing where it takes you.
best wishes,
Ina
kind words Ina - Thank you
kind words Ina - Thank you