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Women are accused wrongly

I stand to be corrected, but I think it is gender based violence when women are accused of infertillty in marriage. In Nigeria, women take the blame when the problem of infertility occurs in marriage. They are called names and tormented by their in-laws. When a women gets married, she is expected to be pregnancy the same month or next. After two months, if nothing happened, the woman begins to worry becos of what people will say. The first thing is to visit a traditional medical personal who gives varieties of concotions, the christians begin to visit different prayer homes, some are accused of being a witch, some are driven away from their matrimonal home, beaten, and denied of her rights in family.

I watched a nollywood yoruba movie tittled "Asepamo mi" last weekend, a man paid his friends to visit his house as armed robbers to rape his wife so she could get pregnant knowing fully well that he was sterile as a result of untreated STIs. He pleaded with the woman not to mention it to anyone and took her to his doctor friend for medication. He asked them to repeat the visit when he discovered she was not pregnant from the first act. . She was raped again and she become pregnant. The same thing he told her again, do not tell anyone, I will handle it. Finally, he had a quarrel with his friends and the news break out to the wife. I wept for her. Why should a woman be raped, assult, abuse just to have a child. It's a movie but I know it happened or can happen. Nigerian men do silly things just to have a child.

Then I ask, why not adopt a child. Child adoption could be a treatment option for infertility. Instead of subjecting women to pain, torture, let her adopt a child. Adoption is never an option for so many Nigerian men who are childless, they prefer to marry our woman without informing the latter. They refuse to go for medical attention. women do not have the right to mention adoption as another option of having a child in the family. If my health condition cannot permit me to give birth, why should I not be permitted to adopt. There are so many abandoned children in orphage homes wishing to have a home.

I may be wrong and stand to be corrected, every woman may not be able to bear a child for certain reason but every woman can own a child. I may be wrong, somebody please correct me.


Heterocefala's picture

Empty Uterus

Dear Vivian,

Your post made me cry. A painful, slow and quiet crying... and the reasons are many: women still taking the blame for infertility? Coward men not having the courage not even to consider that maybe, just maybe, they are the ones who have some health/infertility problem and if they do so it does not mean there is something wrong with them, or that makes them less men; women being raped by men hired by their very own husbands, who, above all, are supposed to love and protect them from being hurt? Women still considered as nothing but a bag of flesh and bones whose only purpose, according to men, is to give them children and massage their egos by perpetuating their believes that if they have children carrying their blood till the end of the times they will be immortal.

The option to adopt a child is more than valid and should be considered by women and couples just as much as carrying their own children, but the most important thing is: you are not wrong and you don't have to be afraid of saying things out and loud. You don't have to be corrected because there is NOTHING wrong about what you wrote. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you seem to think and feel about the possibility of becoming a mother of a person you did not bring to the world yourself. And more than this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman who decides not to have children at all, in their womb or in their lives.

It is time for us, women, to embrace our inner feelings with more courage and passion and the many of us who for physical, emotional or rational reasons simply decide not to have children, the future should be as bright as for the ones who decide to do so or who can do so.

We, women, can no longer be defined by our capacity to procreate; by our capacity to give our selfish husbands as many children as we can until we explode in pain and misery; or by our capacity to have male children, as it is expected from wives in Afghanistan and China, for example.

Being a mother is only one extension, one section of what we can do. It can not be our only reason to live and our only aspiration in life.

Let's free our souls, all of us, and have as many, or no kids, as we wish. Whenever and however we wish. If we ever wish.

I wish you the best!


vivian's picture

Am happy to find someone who

Am happy to find someone who understands me. i thought i was thinking alone. Thank you to joining your voice with mine to make it heard that women should not be accused wrongly and be allowed to make a choice.

Also, in Nigeria women do not have a place in the family if she did not have a male child. We have allot of women with more than 4girls struggling to have a male child to keep her marriage.

We have to voice out so that women can be helped and be appreciated for who she is and not what she can reproduce.



''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

shakila's picture

How Cruel …..

This is no doubt a harsh reality dear sister. Many people in many areas have the same kind of problems. But for the first time I heard this kind of story where man is doing such a silly act like allowing his friend to do rape of his own wife to get a baby, oh so rude. Although it happened in the movie but movie illustrate the real face of the people and society………

I can feel what would be the situation of woman in this kind of society ……. But I have a wish and pray that, their all sorrows go away and all the women in Nigeria have the basic rights.

Let’s be one and struggle for our rights.


vivian's picture

You have said it all, let's

You have said it all, let's be one and struggle for our rights. that is just the only way struggle for our right. Thank you



''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

Karen Rozier's picture

Adoption should be an option

You are not wrong.

vivian's picture

Thank you for adding your

Thank you for adding your voice to mine to agree that adoption is an option for childlessness.


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