Patriarchy, Marriage and Children
I look at the whole partiarchal society in a slightly different way now, as I just got married two months ago (anniversary on friday). Everyone expected me to take my husband's name- which to some extent I may have done- neither of us are sure as I was so late on the day and lost the paperwork. I am keeping my name for work purposes, as I have built up over 20 years worth of contacts as Ina Hume, so i don't want to lose those connections, however small it is to have a new name.
But the thing that really got me thinking, was the fact that so many of my friends are not married but have children with partners, and all of them have given the father's name to their children without thinking twice. Some are no longer with the father's and so have a different surname to their children who they live with for at least part of the time. It seems strange that even in western countries, women give all these things away in the personal realm without thinking, but are still feminists in the professional sphere. We need to question all forms of patriarchy and why things are the way they are, and challenge things if they perpetuate sexism and the disempowerment of women.
I love my husband dearly and he will support me whatever I want to do. And, not changing your name is something that men can also feel emasculated by, especialy if their friends or family's are not so progressive. Luckily my man is secure and he accepts his radical feminist, forgetful wife. (The question is did i forget or was i late on purpose....)
My husband and I also had a traditional Chakma part to our day. This invovled, both of us being bound with material as we sat on the ground, then my relatives held him down and his would have held me down (but his nephews were AWOL) and then we both tried to stand up. Chakma lore says that whoever stands up first will rule in the marriage. And I, with the help of my nephews and niece and wily ways stood first. So, there are some traditions I do like....