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I feel so empowered today

This feels like a dream to me. I can't believe there are so many women who have gone through so much and yet they picked each broken pieces delicately without much support, without any networks and through their resilience and a basic need as human beings; to survive, they managed to carry on as if nothing happened. I've always wondered how they did it but reading each story over the past few days I am surprised that I find myself asking this questions. I went through each story with a zeal to draw a step, to draw her motivation to tell it like it is, to understand where her passion comes from and each story brought me to my own reality. Today as I read about the Media and Women Empowerment I cried vehemently realizing that as a mother, a sister and a young woman in South Africa I've carried long chains of silence, long chains of fear and long chains of preconceived failures by virtue of being a woman in communities where lines of womanhood are clearly drawn. I cried out loud and for ten odd minutes I said...."I WANT MY VOICE BACK, LET ME REGAIN THAT VOICE I HAD AS A CHILD".

I am expected to act a certain way, to dress a certain way, to address people a certain way and to accept that being a single mother is a curse and chances are I will never get married because no men want to love someone with two children. How will I make other children for him? It's about him not what I want for me and my community. What if I don't want to have children anymore and what if the idea of marriage is not something that utterly defines my focus and what I term a greater goal for me? I looked at each voice, each story and I realized that my soul, my mind and my body is not in sync. Like all the women who have picked each broken piece delicately without much support and without any networks, I too am that woman.

I am not going to allow my failure to stay in an abusive relationship shape the outcome of what I can be. For five long years I imagined it would be better, it will get better and i said so many "at least", i could translate it into a book. I have been told so many times that "it's my fault" and each word has broken the already broken pieces. I never imagined I could ever express myself. It's hard as I write but this is only the beginning. Today I have found the courage, I feel like a free spirited human being I once was as a child. Although I don't remember much of my childhood, I know there was a sense of happiness with less responsibility.

World Pulse has given me a part of my life back. A part I have been missing for so long and this time with responsibilities. I know now that I can redirect my focus and I can stand and be counted and I will achieve something bigger than me. I know that there are great individuals out there and yes it's hard but I can raise my children and be proud. I know there is nothing wrong with me.

I HAVE ACTUATED.

Thank you WORLD PULSE

Comments

jadefrank's picture

You have actuated!

Dear Rudzanimbilu,

What a joy it was to wake up today and read your journal - empowering words to carry me through this day. No my sister, there is nothing wrong with you, you are a proud, courageous, intelligent, strong woman. You have landed... you have arrived in your global community of women who recognize your value as a mother and an agent for change, and together we will tell the world and fight for our equality!

I cannot wait to read more from you - your voice is clear, strong and beautiful!

In friendship,
Jade

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you Jade

I owe my empowerment to voices of women who put my pride to shame when I woke up this morning. Reading the stories about Female Genital Mutilation and the torture in Egypt today made me so teary I wanted to say something, I felt strong just a bit to say my story even though I am aware it might not be newsworthy enough but if they plugged the courage to tell their stories, I believed I could.

I felt those broken pieces slowly emerging, my body although broken from years of both physical and emotional abuse, i could envision what it would feel like sharing and finally putting those pieces together. Thank you so much Jade, you've already taught me something about tagging and that is a great investment you've done for me and other women all over the world. The overabundance of support, works of great, wonderful and brilliant women like yourself really overwhelmed my spirit. And just when I thought it was enough, I soon discovered there are wonderful opportunities too.

I've always had this fear to say what I feel because for a very long time, I had been conditioned to say what I want everybody to hear and what I've been taught they should hear. It has never been about what I could bring to the table, what I could achieve as a woman and what I stand for. I've allowed my community, my family and my country to dictate what is right for me like I have no choices.

That time is OVER, I'm glad I have found space where I can exist without pressure, without guilt and where I can learn on a global level too, how women all over the world are changing people's lives and empowering themselves in the process. Before this morning, I would never have written this much, I would have said very little like I did when I first wrote my journal. It feels good to smell change. It feels good to know I can get support for wanting to be me. I will never thank WORLD PULSE enough and I'm filled with so much gratitude because I am indeed empowered to steer change, to be that change. Gandhi said be the change you want to see in the world and this morning it suddenly dawned on me and I realized that to be that change, you need strong support, you need great individuals who have gone through something bigger in order for one to draw strength and I'm positive that now that I've read and seen it through their stories I am really inspired.

Thank you so much.

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

Rose Candy's picture

YOU'VE ARRIVED, ON PULSWIRE

Dear Rudzanimbilu,

You are a beautiful person, with two lovely kids. You are blessed, and you will remain blessed.
Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Just hold on to your dreams and to your kids, and always be there for them. Mother, mold, and nurture them, and enhance the world with their presence.That's what counts. It does not matter whether you are a single parent or married. You are making a big difference already. Thanks for sharing your story.
Welcome aboard World Pulse, and keep up the good fight.
We are all in this together, and will remain connected. Stay blessed.

Rose Candy @ GrandmaRose Foundation

Mothering, Molding and Nurturing children

Titi's picture

reasoning along with the rural woman.

whenever i look at my reflection in the mirror, i mourn the fact of my being tragically bereft of my youth and life.At 18, i w as already sucked dry of any valuable juice by the conspiracy, manipulations and betrayal of everybody in my society.Being a girl makes me vulnerable to all sorts of evil manoeuvring.Growing up i was denied the vital nutrients my body needed for the task of motherhood.
This is the story and experience of a typical rural girl in africa setting.From birth to death, the life of the rural girl is laced with various painful sequences that make her wonder at the usefulness of her gender.

Rudzanimbilu's picture

It doesn't have to be that way!

I thought so too but I have realized it doesn't have to be that way. We need to empower others to find their voice. I've found mine and I hope that one day that reflection in the mirror reflects the person you can be, the person you want to be. I can feel every word and I can picture and feel the pain in your voice and I want you to know, it doesn't have to be that way!

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

vivian's picture

Dearest RudAm proud of

Dearest Rud

Am proud of you.thanks to pulsewire it is bringing out the best in us, it free women from bondage. Your braveness and voice is out, it will never seized again.

Don't look back my dear, you have a place in the society, your family, community and the world. More so, you are not alone in this, so why live in silence. Speak up my friend, look good, and be happy. Your kids should be your joy. Let them see that joy in you.

Vivian

''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you Viv

Thank you for your warmest words!

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

vivian's picture

Dearest Rud Am proud of

Dearest Rud

Am proud of you.thanks to pulsewire it is bringing out the best in every us, it free women from bondage. Your braveness and voice is out, it will never seized again.

Don't look back my dear, you have a place in the society, your family, community and the world. Most so, you are not alone in this, so why live in silence. Speak up my friend, look good, and be happy. Your kids should be your joy. Let them see that joy in you.

Vivian

''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you Viv

Your words make me feel so strong and I feel like I am taking that step to something positive. It's a great feeling so I thank you.

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

Lilith784's picture

You!

Dear Rudzanimbilu,
Thank you so much for joining the PulseWire community and adding your beautiful voice to our conversations. I am excited to read about your vision, your strength, and your growth into the woman you truly want to be. If there is any way we can support you on your path, please always let us know.
I wish you all the best for your next steps!
Andrea

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you, Andrea

Thank you so much for your support.

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

Jennifer Brier's picture

I HEAR YOUR VOICE

Dearest Rudzanimbilu,

We must hear each other into speech and ignite the fire of strength within each other as sisters! I too am a single parent of a lovely child. I stand beside you and affirm our worth as strong and powerful women not defined through the constraints of patriarchal definitions but through the recognition of our beautifully contagious spirits!

Dream BIG my friend,

Jennifer

Jennifer

"I am a woman, that's my weapon!" ~Catherine Robbins

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you

Thank you Jennifer for hearing my voice. As a single parent, I know what you are going through and I support you.

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

Amei's picture

I am listening and you are wonderful

Dear Rudzanimbilu,

Yes, I can see through your writing that you are a lovely person. Don't ever let anyone make you believe otherwise. I do understand how hard it could be to overcome constrains. Yet as you, I too believe we do have the power if we dare choose. It was never easy making descions and facing the consequences. I feel safer knowing I am not alone and you are not alone either. You inspire me :-) I am so glad that I joined Worldpulse.

You have told the story, clearly and beautifuly :-) and positive.

Thank you for sharing and looking forward to hear from you.

Cheers
Amei

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you Amei

I feel wonderful and so inspired this Sunday evening. Your words have added more strength and I thank you

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

Rudzanimbilu

What a voice! How clear and inspirational! One of my personal mantras is that we are not defined by where or who we have been. That is in the past. We have all been somewhere. What is important is that we did not stay there. We picked ourselves up and we moved on. Some were born into poverty. They picked themselves up and were not defined by the circumstances of their birth. Others were abused as children and as women. And like you, they picked themselves up, shook off the dust and moved on and up. Yet others were born into ignorance and hate. They have educated themselves and opened themselves up to love.

I believe it will only get better for you my sister. One day soon you are going to be POWER STEPPING your way over these challenges that at the moment may seem so insurmountable!! Best wishes.

Rudzanimbilu's picture

Thank you Catherine

Thank you so much for reminding me, for tapping into my mind like you knew today I needed to hear those words and to "POWER STEP" and overlook everything going around me. I really appreciate each word you wrote because I know deep inside it is all meaningful. Once again, thank you!

Rudzanimbilu Muthambi

warona's picture

A platform to emebark on

Dear Ru!

Am so touched gal, yeah regain your strength my dear. The devil is a liar. As God restore your long time stolen potentials may you receive this empowerment as a lifetime thing Rudzani. I can hear breakthrough as you talk. Yes sometimes backgrounds counts, but we can never allow our intelligence proked, we are on guard.God has given us minds to think and persue our dreams.I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN ALL YOUR ENDEVOURS.

You are so amazing woman, take care, be fearless in this world because its full of toils and snares.Thank God today we can talk anyhow, we initiate ideas and things.Be strong and be of a good courage because you will never be disspointed my love. Though men are so dissapointing dont even look back on the past, you dwell on thinking about that, time waisted.Get focused even as i speak today.

All strenghth and power and dominion unto you.

Wish you all the best of all.

Warona

"success will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time " And when confronted conquer with love

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