I feel so empowered today
This feels like a dream to me. I can't believe there are so many women who have gone through so much and yet they picked each broken pieces delicately without much support, without any networks and through their resilience and a basic need as human beings; to survive, they managed to carry on as if nothing happened. I've always wondered how they did it but reading each story over the past few days I am surprised that I find myself asking this questions. I went through each story with a zeal to draw a step, to draw her motivation to tell it like it is, to understand where her passion comes from and each story brought me to my own reality. Today as I read about the Media and Women Empowerment I cried vehemently realizing that as a mother, a sister and a young woman in South Africa I've carried long chains of silence, long chains of fear and long chains of preconceived failures by virtue of being a woman in communities where lines of womanhood are clearly drawn. I cried out loud and for ten odd minutes I said...."I WANT MY VOICE BACK, LET ME REGAIN THAT VOICE I HAD AS A CHILD".
I am expected to act a certain way, to dress a certain way, to address people a certain way and to accept that being a single mother is a curse and chances are I will never get married because no men want to love someone with two children. How will I make other children for him? It's about him not what I want for me and my community. What if I don't want to have children anymore and what if the idea of marriage is not something that utterly defines my focus and what I term a greater goal for me? I looked at each voice, each story and I realized that my soul, my mind and my body is not in sync. Like all the women who have picked each broken piece delicately without much support and without any networks, I too am that woman.
I am not going to allow my failure to stay in an abusive relationship shape the outcome of what I can be. For five long years I imagined it would be better, it will get better and i said so many "at least", i could translate it into a book. I have been told so many times that "it's my fault" and each word has broken the already broken pieces. I never imagined I could ever express myself. It's hard as I write but this is only the beginning. Today I have found the courage, I feel like a free spirited human being I once was as a child. Although I don't remember much of my childhood, I know there was a sense of happiness with less responsibility.
World Pulse has given me a part of my life back. A part I have been missing for so long and this time with responsibilities. I know now that I can redirect my focus and I can stand and be counted and I will achieve something bigger than me. I know that there are great individuals out there and yes it's hard but I can raise my children and be proud. I know there is nothing wrong with me.
I HAVE ACTUATED.
Thank you WORLD PULSE