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Snapshots from the Men's Summit on Eliminating Violence Against Women...who said what

“I was told by members of my Church to bury the matter to forget about fighting for justice for my daughter. They told me that I could be killed for going public with what happened to my daughter. But I told them if I die so be it. At least then my daughter would know that I died fighting for her rather than her growing up to ask ‘Daddy what did you do when this happened to me?’. I know this incident happened to me because God knew that I will not keep quiet…and that is my resolve; to make sure parents are informed and equipped to fight sexual abuse of children”.
-Pastor Fidelis Uwagboe, whose 6 year old daughter was sexually abused by her teacher.

“My father was an ‘authority abuser’. An authority abuser is someone who abuses something that was kept in his or her care. He will beat up my mother, beat even the kids up and he eventually threw out on the street. I had to hawk bread to support my mother who managed to pay my way through medical school”.
-Dr. Ken Egbas, renown PR practitioner(who actually trained as a medical doctor)sharing his personal experience of domestic violence at the Summit.

“I had my daughter after nine years of marriage; nine years of midnight tears, endless prayers and pain of childlessness. Eventually our daughter was born. Now, you’ll tell me someone would come and violate or batter her. Im sure of just two things when that happens-one person will be in the morgue and the other in prison. And I’ll be ready to go to jail for such crime. But we must wait for such incidents to occur; we can start now to openly condemn and speak up against it.”
=Andy Nkemneme, member Police Reforms Association

“All of us seated here are guilty. It may surprise you to note that out of every four men in a lift two are abusers of women-either sexually or physically and one is a verbal abusers and the one is clean. So, if all of us in this room are divided into four you will find out that we are all guilty. So please lets repent and stop even the slightest form of abuse of women”.
=Dr Ken Egbas.

“At the age of four I saw my dad with a knife chasing my mother. I don’t know if he meant to stab her but I at that age that incident left a strong impression on me. And so, Im committed to this cause. As a broadcaster, I have vowed give priority…and to air any documentary or report that condemns violence against women and children and face the consequences if at all there is any”.
Tokunboh Ojekunle ,renown broadcaster ,newscaster, talk show host and Programme Manager, Radio Continental FM, Lagos.

“The only way evil can continue to thrive is for good men to remain quite. So, lets speak up. If we can’t stop the act of violence against women for God sake perpetrators must not be allowed to go scot free. We are tired of good guys who don’t abuse women but are too shy or shamed to speak up when a woman is being violated”.
=Kingsley Obom-Egbulem, media, PR , health communication specialist and Creative Director, Health Communication and Development Initiative(HCDI) ,Lagos.

“While I was in medical school, one of my classmates, was raped by 7 guys who are were also medical students. One of those guys is today a respected doctor in Lagos. The lady in question who Im so certain would have graduated with a 1st class degree in medicine started failing her courses and eventually dropped out of school. Those who defile women should be told that they are not just defiling a body; they are defiling hope, a future, a destiny and possibly a generation”.
=Dr .Ken Egbas

“We need to practice responsible entertainment. We need to begin to package entertainment that addresses our issues such as violence against women. Why on earth should we produce and air a musical video where the man in the video is all dressed up and the women in the video are barely dressed, naked and falling all over him? We are setting up our women for violence and abuses with such entertainment and it should be our mandate to fight it.”
=Ayodeji Deji-Irawo, broadcaster,TV producer and content marker,Chief Executive Officer,X2D(Extreme 2Divinity),Lagos
.
“I am so happy this summit is holding. Because each time we gather to deliberate or attend programmes organized by Project Alert I also ask ‘where are the people creating this problems; where are the men’ because if they are not part of the solution we may not make much progress and I’m so glad this happening. Please let’s try and reach more men and spread the word”.
=Stella Damasus, Nollywood actress, TV producer and Project Alert Goodwill Ambassador

“I couldn’t have been elsewhere today. We need to fight the scourge of violence against women. And to do that you only need to imagine if the victim where your daughter, mother, sister. Let’s go beyond just talking here. Let’s take this to this next level”.
=John Zedomi-Businessman and real estate consultant

“Any man who abuses a child or violates a woman is sick. We have to prevent them in their madness and their sickness by exposing them. And if you are a woman and in a relationship with an abusive or violent man ,please run away and do not be deceived to think that you will be able to ‘alter’ such men. We need you to be alive to settle the quarrel; so please run away from such men”.
=Ano Anyanwu, former Executive Director, Spring Bank, Lagos.

“A woman is currently standing trial for murder. She is accused of killing her husband. But we are saying she is not a murderer! Where was the law when her husband bought her to Lagos from the age 17 with a promise t marry her but instead have been violating and abusing her sexually? The man promise to send her to school but did not and today she is 27-eight years of her life wasted. Yet he kept beating her and one day in self defense she took a knife and stabbed the man. Now she’s been branded a murderer by the same state.”
=Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, Executive Director, Project Alert

“I think as part of our campaign ,I strongly recommend the need to organize free or subsidized taekwondo or karate classes for our girls. They need it for self defense, because if you know that a girl will beat you up you would think twice before doing anything funny around her.”
=Lolu Mogaji, Lawyer, Image and personal brand Consultant.

“Some fathers abuse their daughters by destroying their self esteem. Very few women today can truly say their father is their role model. Men and indeed fathers need to know that they have a role to play in preventing violence and sexual exploitation of their daughters by positively influencing the choice they make when getting into relationships. We need to model the right image of masculinity to our daughters. We must teach them to have confidence in themselves and work on their sense of self worth.We must teach them not to depend on men for validation, especially from the wrong men. We must help them not to grow up with a '"victim mentality.
=Kingsley Obom-Egbulem

Additional report "Teaching men to Behave"
http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5619321-147/teach...

Comments

aderonke adeyemo's picture

abuse of women

God bless you for this project.please let there be greater awareness next time.so many women are dieing in silence.

Amei's picture

We have to start somewhere ...

I am please to see the abusive behaviour acknowledged. Without acknowledgement and repent there is no room for reform, improvement or change. I do hope leaders pursue a proactive role and work with their teams to stop abuse of all nature. I wish all the best for everyone working towards a peaceful life. We must hope for better and act now.

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem's picture

Re:We have to start somewhere

Thanks so much Amei..Indeed,we have to start to start somewhere. We cant continue to bemoan these attrocitie without doing anything to stop it.Like they say.."you cannot change the past, but you can do something about the future".Thats exactly what we want to;to address the issues of violence againts women so as to stop it from happening in future.

Kingsley

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem

for exclusive health news from Nigeria visit:
www.nigerianhealthjournal.wordpress.com

Aurore's picture

Wow

I've never heard of such a summit here in France. So many men still say when a woman goes to trial because she was abused that she is a nymphoman or she exaggerates the true facts... I know men who do not think like that, unfortunately their voice is not really heard. I do hope we'll have a summit like this in my country one day! Congratulations for the ones who organized it in Nigeria and thanks for sharing these excerpts on Pulse Wire

irmia's picture

Wow!

Thanks for sharing this, Kingsley!

Mia

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem's picture

Re:Wow

Thanks indeed Aurore and Irmia.We are encouraged by your comments. As for the men in your country,its only a matter of time.Just let them know that "Silence is the most outrageous crime against women is not violence or other forms of abuse against their bodies or rights and but the silence of good men". So tell them that the time to speak up is now else the evil in the streets will soon come closer home.

Cheers.

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem

for exclusive health news from Nigeria visit:
www.nigerianhealthjournal.wordpress.com

irmia's picture

New Men's Alliance

Hi Kingsley,

Actually we've already had what we call New Man's Alliance.
But, as long as I know, they've never held a conference like that. That's why I suggest my friend who is the member of New Man's Alliance to conduct such a forum, and speak out about violence against woman from their perspective :)

In my country, there are several men feminists. And unfortunately, two of them (the greatest ones) have passed away.

Mia

Karen Rozier's picture

Violence against women is

Violence against women is distinct from violence against children. When we speak out against violence directed towards children, we must also acknowledge violence against little boys, not just little girls. There is overwhelming evidence that little boys who are abused grow up to become men who abuse, so if we are to stop the cycle, we must address all violence directed towards children. The more men we can get to stand up for women and children, the better the world. Thank you all.

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem's picture

Thanks so Karen.Word well

Thanks so Karen.Word well said...and right on point too!
Regards

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem

for exclusive health news from Nigeria visit:
www.nigerianhealthjournal.wordpress.com

Leelee's picture

Thank you for sharing this

Thank you for sharing this information - this is a topic that is not really talked about, much less getting perspectives from the males.

'Harlem: A Dream Deferred' - Langston Hughes
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
Like a syrupy sweet?

Ina Hume's picture

Women with support of Men

This is a really powerful post and also a timely reminder that equality and empowerment are not the responsibility of the groups that need to become empowered and that it is the responsibility of everyone to speak out against injustice wherever we see it. I also think that the consequences of rape is something that destroys the lives of women, their families and also their communities when it is used as a weapon of war against particular ethnic groups. I am very interested in how those who stand against such injustices can develop blacklists that name and shame perpetrators. It is not good enough for courts to forgive and expect people to forget on behalf of society. I was touched by the story of the female medical student who was gang raped and how she dropped out and her life was ruined, but of the men responsible, one now is a successful doctor. This story is typical and sad. And we must all fight against such double standards.

Well done guys for taking this brave step. It is always more powerful when men challenge other men over sexism and attitudes to women that lead to discrimination and abuse of women.

Aurore's picture

Thanks

thanks Kingsley for the add and the sentence you wrote in your answer. I copied it, so with your permission I'll quote you from time to time cause I really love it. It shows that it's not a matter of men and women against each other but a question of nurturing violence by not denouncing it.
Wish you the best, and congrats for all your articles. I read some of them this morning and they are great.
From France,
Aurore

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