The double standards of sex
What is the average lifetime sexual partners that African men and women have?
That is a question I would really like an answer to but when I tried to Google the search term, I only came up with some American stats.
I suppose I shouldn’t really be surprised since we Africans are so squeamish about talking about sex. But I am going to guess anyway and say that it’s about 5 for men from most parts of Africa, and about 1.5 - 2 for women . In the US, the average for men is 7 partners, while for women it’s 4.
I am fascinated by the topic because last week, a male friend confided to me that he has slept with over 40 women in his life. And he’s only 28 years old!
I really tried to not let my jaw drop to the floor as he recounted tales of sleeping with girls from Congo, Egypt, Bostwana, Cameroon and all the far-reaching ends of our continent.
But I couldn’t help but feel that 40 women were far too many, even if he does claim to have used a condom with each partner every time. Of all those women, he claims that 28 were his steady girlfriends while the rest were either one-night stands or casual encounters.
Right now, you either envy this man or simply find him despicable!
So what’s an acceptable number of sexual partners then? What’s the number that won’t make you cringe too much if your potential life partner tells you he/she has slept with X number of people before you?
Where is the fine line drawn between being adventurous and being too adventurous?!
Personally, I think that anything that goes beyond what can be counted on one hand is a bit alarming. Actually, if a guy told me had had slept with anything above five women before me, I would feel uneasy about him because I would have to take my position on his second hand.
And anything into double digits would really have me flummoxed!
Am I being naive?!
But I suppose it also depends on a person’s history, how old they are and how much in love with them you really are.
I mean, my dear friend with the 40 notches on his bed post is now very much looking to settle down and get married. He says he’s put his Casanova days behind him and now just wants to slow down. And I am sure some girl out there will love and accept him regardless of his chequered sexual history.
But I don’t expect that that is an easy feat at all. I mean, knowing that you are number 40-something with a guy – and knowing full well that he’s sampled a bit of everything in the process – must be really daunting for a lady! What if you don’t have the same magic that he’s had with most of his other conquests? What if he falls back into his old ways the same way people cave on their diets?
Personally, I think that when a person’s conquests cannot be counted on both one’s hands and toes (unless sex is your profession) then the red neon alarm bell should definitely be going off in your head!
But what if the roles are reversed and it’s in fact the woman in the relationship who’s had 40-plus men in her life?
I asked my friend the question and he said he would NEVER so much as consider settling down with such a woman because such a number is far too large for a woman and she would have likely lost her ‘tightness’ down under after letting so much traffic through.
Talk about the kettle calling the pot black!
I mean I even set out a hypothesis for this man. What if a woman has had 40 lovers and has had sex with each of them only five times (for a total of 200 times), whereas another woman has had one lover but has had sex with him 500 times.
The first woman has had less sex and so should be ‘tighter’ right? And besides, women give birth to babies with big heads through their vaginas anyway!!!
But my friend refused to accept my hypothesis and maintained that 40 sexual partners on a woman made her a tart whether or not she was still as tight as a rubber band.
Well, these are the double standards we all know about anyway, as infuriating as they are.
But I would still love to know what you think!