THE GIRL NEXT DOOR AND I
I have reached that age when every married Christian readilly offers unsolicited advice on how and where to get a spouse. Most of my married friends (notice I have chosen not to let you in on my Mom's opinion about this! If I did, this you would die from sustained laughter. Just give me a minute, will ya?) always wonder when I will divorce my first love, which is writing and get married to woman, for a change.
Unknown to my Chrsitain friends, I have a woman whom I have been admiring for quite a very long while. I am talking about the girl next door. One problem with our Christian setting is that we always think we will be better off with a person who is so far away from us. That is why we ignore the wonderful people living next door. That is what happens where I go to church. There are so many single people who all claim they are yet to meet the right person. Personally I don't think there is such a person. Oh, on second thoughts I beg to differ. I know where that pewrson can be found. For a man, she can be found on magazine covers. while a woman can find hers in a TV soap opera.
I once had a girlfriend (believe me I haven't forgotten what I was telling you about today) who liked Denzel Washington so much I had to watch JOHN Q more than a hundred times. Believe me, I counted. And everytime Denzel as JOHN Q of course, came on the screen, my girlfriend, ok let's call her Candace, would remind me of "how much Denzel is such a gentleman."
Every effort I made to remind Candace that Denzel had been paid to act the part of a gentleman (oh I know, Denzel is a gentleman. But you and I have never met him, okay. So Lets just say, perhaps he isn't such a gentleman) Candace would tell me that I am jealous. Then The Rock came onto WWF scene (wrestling) and Candace found another man she liked to ogle. Everytime he screamed... "if you smelllllllllll what the roch is coooooking!" Candace would go into a frenzy. It got so worse until one day I discovered I could hit back by referring to Marion Jones, the former US athlete (I don't care whether she is disgraced or not). The girl was so beautiful I enjoyed watching her win every race she appeared in.
We soon begun fighting over who was the most desirable person we only got to see on our TV. But Candace always emerged tops. I could never out-argue her. Then one day I discovered something. I told Candace about it. And becasue of that we broke up. And since then, I am yet to get another girlfriend.
"I know Denzel Washington behaves (in the movies) like a gentleman. But there is one thing he will never do to you."
"You can wait for a century for Denzel to give you a call and I guarantee you...."
"That it will never happen!"
"Get out of my house!"
Back to what I was saying.
I met the girl next door at the church during a youth meeting. It felt akward at first. There we were, two strangers-of-the-opposite sex who had never said a word to each other while in the neighbourhood trying as much as we could to put on a face that could somehow convey that we normally say more than 'hi' to each other. The thing is, I was attracted to the girl. And I was in no doubt that she also liked me. The only problem was that none os us wanted to make the first move. We thought it wise to leave everything in the hands of the High Source.
We started (I later got to learn that the girl next door was also doing the same at the same time) asking the High Source to help us out. he is very gracious indeed, He listens and answers prayers. The next Sunday we met and I never made a move. That evening I went home and asked for another chance. The High Source listened. He gave us another chance.
One Sunday the youth group visited a children's home where I saw her rock a baby in her arms, as she danced to an unheard music. It was so beautiful I fell in love with the girl next door. We got the chance to talk (seduce one another) when we were the only couple who offerewd to do the dishes afterwards. But all we talked about was how the pastor that Sunday had blessed us with the word! Then I went home, and to my knees again asking for another chance. The High Source listened, and He answered.
Another Sunday the youth group went to a nearby recreational park in the city where we rowed (actually we were rowed) in boats that carried only two besides the rower. We didn't talk (seduce one another) since the rower was there. That night we called one another, wanting to seduce one another, then thought it was wise talkign about the day's word! Again, I went on my knees and asked the High Source for another chance. He listened, and He answered.
The following Sunday we went to a different park where there were this rubber horses on swing. The girl next door and I climbed on one and the horse started spinning around and around. One funny thing, unlike the other times, we were all alone, with the rubber horse. But we still could not seduce one another. We left the park without making our intentions known to each other. That night a very sttange thing happened.
I got to my knees, the way I had been doing ever since I saw the girl next door. I started praying (and unknown to me, the girl next door was, at the same time also on her knees) asking the hIgh Source for .... guess what for?.... another chance. The High Source listened, and this time, he answered in a way He had never done. As I watched, a cloud of white smoke seeped through the stained ceiling board. As I looked and beheld, I saw a white ghost of a figure emerge. It ws the High Source. I was so humbled, happy and surprised to see He had decided to come and answer my prayers in Person.
"My beloved child," He said.
"Yes," I trembled.
"You have made me come down to answer prayers the way I used to do in the Old Testament! That is why I have come all the way from up there to answer you in Person."
"Okay," I stammered.
"I have come to tell you that you are wasting my time, thinking I will give you the girl next door just like that (at this point He brought his two fingers and snapped them) pap! It doesn't happen that way. I stopped giving men women when Adam, blamed me after the woman I had given him made him make a mistake!"
"But I need your help!"
"You are on your own on this one!"
That is what comes to my mind everytime I am reminded it is high time I got married. I am on my own. I am going to meet a person who is also on her own. And together we are going to chart out our own course, write and act our own soap opera.