red flags for dating
The dating world is a land of mystery, intrigue, confusion, missed signals, and all around lack of communication. This is normal and to be expected. I mean after all, dating is really just an interview in which the likableness (I know not a word) of a person is being determined. Along the way one is bound to find people they are not suited for. There are many different personalities out there and all so most dates end up being strike outs. Nothing is inherently wrong with that. But as a feminist one needs to be aware of the tell tale signs on a date that the person has warped views on the sexes. Here are some common phrases and actions should have the red flag go up and gives you the right to totally ditch ASAP
1. The person wants you to act like you are a virgin- Now when you are starting to get to now someone and you have not had sex yet, I do not think anyone would recommend getting into the nitty gritty detail of your past sexual encounters (I do not know that I would recommend it even after sexy time happens). Obviously a well educated adult would discuss some details of their past sex life ( how many partners or at least the last time they were tested for STIs). But when someone wants you to act like you have never had sex before when you in fact have, this person has some serious issues with female sexuality. They want you to pretend that you are a virgin because they buy into the whole "womens' vaginas are a commodity that lose value the more they are used". There is also the weird concept of men "owning" a vagina and its copy rights so admitting that you have had sex before with other people amounts to "their property" being used and in the possession of someone else. Obviously I think this is stupid. My body is my own and no one owns it (Although my mom would argue that she gained 100 lbs during her pregnancy with me and suffered a C-section so she has some type of ownership) . As far as vaginas being "used" I think that is just silly. The vagina is a body organ just like everything else. Would this person complain that your eye balls are used and unworthy because they have looked at other people? What about your ears or nose? It is just dumb. If they cannot see the light and agree that body parts cannot be "used", tell them that reduce, re-use, recycle is the way to go green and perfectly good vaginas deserved to be recycled too!!!! The obsession with the vagina also can be an indicator of a more scary problem, possession. Someone who wants to posses you or control you is not someone you want to be with
2. The person wants you to act like you are a total idiot, or at the very least that you are dumber than they are- This person might or might not appreciate your individual intelligence, but the end goal is they want you to know how much smarter they are. I have had this experience repeatedly, men who think my history major is irrelevant and "tell me how it really is" you know these guys who had their thumbs up their asses and barely passed high school want to let us educated women aware of the fact that we do not know shit. This is someone who undermines your opinion and intelligence, they are assholes. You might not think it is a big deal that they disagree with your politics or opinions now, but if you date them they will turn into the guy who critiques everything you do. What outfit you are wearing, what book you are reading, how you cook exct. Guys like this need to undermine women because usually they are insecure and have serious identity issues. Do not date this guy, he will ruin your self esteem and make you second guess every little thought and action. Also, do not ever dumb yourself down for anyone!
3. The person does not like you friends or family and expresses that you should not spend anytime with them- This is actually and all too common occurrence with women. They will give up their friends and family for a guy they are dating. Now it is understandable to get distracted and pre-occupied with a new romance and let other people fall to the side. It is quite another thing for the person you are with to denounce your friends and family and seek to isolate you from them. This is a classic tool of an abuser. they do this so that when abuse starts, you have no one to turn to. They want you to be completely isolated and in their control. Now because a guy does not like some of your friends or family does not mean he is an abuser. I am talking about the guy who does not want you spending any time (whether it be face to face, text, phone call, email or facebook) with your friends and family. Something is seriously amuck when they want you to shut down all your communication lines.
4. They show no interest in you or your life, they just want to talk incisively about themselves- because what they are basically saying with this is that you do not interest them and they are far more important
5.They keep going on and on about your looks and body- maybe its just me, but I tend to like it when people acknowledge the fact that I have a brain and personality. Some guys treat you like a trophy or new toy, you know like people will stare and oggle and be jealous like they would a new corvette or something
6. When you do discuss a topic that is usually conceived as "man thing" they automatically ask you where a guy was- you know, because cars won't let you check their fluid levels if you do not have a penis
There are many red flags when it comes to dating. These are just a few and I might even do a part 2 and 3 to this post, but the best advice is be aware. Enjoy yourself and have fun dating!