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The Things you need

We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to create impressions that won’t last on people we don’t care about. ~Anonymous

Did you buy the house you currently have because you felt pressure to live in a certain neighborhood?

Did you ever buy clothes or a vacation that you knew was too exspensive but you did it because you did not want people to think less of you?

Did you buy the wrong car because you felt pressure to make an impression on your brother-in-law of your old college roommate?

Have you ever spent money on items because you did not want people to think less of you?

I have.

And I felt weak and ashamed that I could not stand up for myself and admit that I just did not have the money or even worst, I did really did not want what I purchased.

A few weeks back I wrote a blog post asking when is enough really enough….how much “stuff” do we as humans really need? The other side of that coin is how much stuff do we purchase and KNOW we can do without? Know that we did not need it, but buy it nevertheless. How many things do we have in our homes that as we were purchasing them they made our stomachs flop and our mouths dry up? It’s an interesting place to be in when you are with friends or family and you first notice that you have VERY different ideas on the definition of expensive . Even more importantly that you have very different definitions of what really adds value to your lives.

It’s hard to wake up and realize that you are different. That you have very different priorities from your loved ones. Very different wants and needs.

No one wants anyone they love to think less of them. And sadly many of of us in this country equate worth with income and things. The more stuff you have the more popular you are and well liked you may be. Some where along the line money and self-esteem made some kind of unholy pact that the majority of modern society took to be true. So how did I find myself in these horrible situations?

I was not honest. I was not honest with my friends, family or myself. I did not want others to find me lacking or be disappointed in me. And honestly I was not ready to own my voice.

Trying to impress somebody is a lie. It’s inauthentic , it’s dumb and it makes me feel yucky. Why should I try so hard to get other people to like a person that isn’t really me? It makes no sense.

When you surround your self with cars, houses or clothes that do not fit with who you are, that do not reflect your authentic self then guess what happens? Your life gets filled up with things you do not need and people you do not care about.

In 6 months I will be 45. Next summer I send my youngest child off the college. I will live alone for he first time in 20 plus years.I am super excited! I am focusing on what the next 20 years of my life will look like. How will I live it, where will I live and what do I really need to be happy. The first 44 years of my life I have focused on wants and I would like to spend the next 44 focusing on needs and creating a lifestyle for myself that supports them. Personal consumerism impacts the world and impacts who I am.

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olutosin's picture

Positive outlook

After reading the post, I smiled and what really came straight to my mind will be too funny too to write sister, I just thought that I will be happy to read this post again in 45 years to come, to really see if I have utilized the lesson learnt. If the world can just try to live their instinct out and not being convinced and connived to do against their wishes, if only we can forget people pleasing approach, if only everyone can be themselves for humanity sake may be we will not have all these leaders as 'stealers' and we all will not learn to be thieves, stealing from anywhere to live our fake lives.
Thanks for this provocative//thought provoking/challenging write up. It challenges all......

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

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