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GENDER BASED VIOLENCE AND STEREOTYPE

I was discussing with a man in my place of work sometimes ago on how some women could be so hardworking and intelligent in every area. He agrees with me totally and to buttress his point to actually make me feel that he respect women a lot, he mentioned the case of a couple who was in the same department as staff. The wife was so hardworking and was publishing several papers which when it became obvious that the husband was not writing any paper she had to be including his name in her papers as co- author. When it dawn on the management that the wife might become a professor before the husband, they had to step her down for the husband to become a professor first. I was so furious with this story and I asked the man if they were fair to the woman but he answered me immediately that they knew it was not fair but they were actually helping the woman by their action because they wouldn’t want her to loose her home in the course of being a professor. Can you imagine that kind of rubbish? This is the kind of society we are that people are being deprived of what they have worked very hard for simply because of their gender.
Women should not be part of village meeting when they are taking decisions but they should remain at home to cooking for their husbands and children. A girl should not buy a car even when she needed it so badly and could afford it so that she would be able to get a suitor because no man will want to marry a girl who is mobile when he is not.
In a debate about a couple who met in their place of work, fell in love and got married but later discover that one of them had to leave the company because the company would not to employ a couple. Who should leave the company and be jobless the man or the woman? Majority even including some women felt that it is the wife that should quit just for the single reason that, the husband is the head of the home and so must be the one to retain his job and so if the woman wants to keep her home, she has to be the one to quit her job.
Despite the resolution that women should be given 35% of the share of leadership of their country and the vibrant involvement of women in the politics of Nigeria, We have never produce a woman governor out of the 36 states in the country talk less of moving near becoming the president of the country. Out of the 109 seat we have in the senate of Nigeria, women occupy only 9 seats.
The problem of stereotype in African countries needed to be addressed seriously if we want to get anywhere in solving Gender based Violence.

Comments

lenka1st's picture

Maybe it will be so hitherto

Maybe it will be so hitherto women will understand they must be, they want to be leaders de facto and de jure. 9 persons in parlament against 100 men - it is near 8%. have you really so many active women& Take 100 adult people in your place (your friends? your neighbours?), 50 men and 50 women. Are there 8 really active women wich want to be leaders every time in their life and to have a full responsibility of their desidions? Take another 100 people, which isn"t close to you personally. Are there 8 women-leaders? Or they want to be behind the man all time and only a few moments to be leaders - when they want to be?
To have 35% in parlament women must be very active. Maybe, one of every two women must want very much to be a leader in her own life - in this case, maybe, women will make a politic of country.
In Belarus we have 35% women in parlament. But we have noone of them - real leaders. They are sitting at their places pushing buttons following President Lukashenko instructions. I know a few women-leaders in opposition. If everyone of them will be in parlament in the same time - it will be much less then 35%.
Can we change women's mind? I do not know. Men are active and avanturous by their nature much more than women. Women didn't like radically to change life.

Я твайго не вазьму, я свайго не аддам! - I shall not take your, i shall not give my.

Eliana's picture

Well, I do not fully agree

Well, I do not fully agree with what you are saying. It is true that men from the beginning of times when people still lived in caves or in plain nature where responsible for providing food. So they had to take adventures and find it to bring something to eat. But women did their contribution too. They were not only in charge of raising children and cooking. They were collecting plants, berries and mushrooms or other vegetables.
But we now we should have stepped out of this dark epoques and evolved ourselves. Until there still are people that think that men are adventurous and women don't like taking risks and prefer to lead a monotonous life, all efforts women around the globe do to get equality in job, in business, sports and every other area, prevalently dominated by male, will neither be honoured nor even considered. And the inequality will persist! And you know what it's worse: it is implemented and justified by the way of thinking of women. who should be supportive between each other but mostly aren't.
This makes it so difficult to step out of the role of submitted women that was given us due to our anchestor's history.
And if you read and look at history you see that there are also women who took big steps in bringinning us where we are now but there is still a lot of work to do by ourselves. You don't even have to read history books that for the majority state only male personalities, but look around the world and open your eyes. Take a look at all the women present on this site expressing themselves and acting out for more equality and end of gender based violence.

Eliana

lenka1st's picture

History is only history

Many women in the world do something better than men and i proud of them/ But! a very little part of them want to be politic, a very little part of them understand, that politic is the key to all. AND women in politic do the same as men , risk to be in prison like a men, and use dirty technologies as men, and sometimes send people to die as men - you are ready to be in prison or to send people to die? i am not, so i am not so good for real big politic, and most of women the same. Local politic - yes, i like this idea.
Many women at this site?
let us count a percent, we can see how little we are, and how many women say "you are so good" but never even thought about doing the same - they will be active in sport, poetry and many other branches like Great women you describe - but not in politic. And that is not so bad - politic is a way for professionals, at first.
Women are strong as a public opinion, they can make wonderful plans and assess laws - but only few of them can compete with men in the real dirty struggle, in war.
Are there 35% of generals - women? No. Mayby, 3 %? No. Maybe, 0,3 %? No. Maybe, 0,03%? Maybe. Even in countries were women has as many rights as possible.
Parlament, govenment never needs men or women - it needs politics.

Your country needs women in parlament? No. My country needs? No. Our countries needs 1. GOOD (honest, true, kind, strong, clever, ect.) POLITICS, 2. Abilities to EVERYBODY WHO WANTS and PREPARE ENOUGH to became politic or to do something he (she) like to do for the world, country, people.

Я твайго не вазьму, я свайго не аддам! - I shall not take your, i shall not give my.

Eliana's picture

I agree with what you are

I agree with what you are exposing. This situations, as you described them, they happen all around the globe and are not only limited to Africa but they are radicated in every continent, some parts more evident in some less.
To start addressing the problem of gender based violence and working on it in a productive and solving manner, we should start by eradicating the stereotypes that we and sometimes our anchestors grew up with and work on promoting equality and as women speak out and let our voices be heard even if in some places we don't have the right to do so. We have to find means of communicating directly or indirectly to raise the awareness about this unfair treatment deserved to us, only because we are women and therefor should stay at home, cook and raise children, even if we have good job positions and invested all our energies in our jobs. One good step you took is to speak out on the problem and on the situation in your country and could be a start to work on it and find ways to react.

In Italy, especially in the southern part, the description you made, fits to many families especially in little villages but even in bigger towns. Maybe there it seems apparently that the situation has changed but it isn't like that. Women are still put into the role of housewives by their fathers or husbands. Generally, and this is what annoys me most, women either in publicity or on tv or newspapers are treated like objects: perfect body to show around (the more you show the more famous you get) and possibly little to say. I think this machism and male dominated attitude should be brought to attention and should be worked on to end this gender based discriminating attitude. It diminuishes the value of a woman or girl and deprives her from her dignity. It is a very superficial society and gives women no chances to be considered of what they really do and who they are. Even in politics it's the same: women who are marionettes of male politicians.

What steps would you concretely suggest to make things change in Nigeria and around the globe? Would be interesting to hear your opinion on the subject.

Much peace
Eliana

Eliana

Kurui's picture

Making our own actions

We can sing till dark about opportunities taken away from us or denied in favor of men but for how long?
I feel that our problem as women is looking at what others (men) have and asking to be shared to us. We never seem to be innovative enough to create opportunities ourselves and work on them to prosper. If for example, am in a research institution or university and publishing more papers than my male colleagues, if the management refuses to publish in order to give a man the first chance, what do I do? Do I sit there mourning while my papers rot somewhere or do I look around for other possible opportunities that I could exploit? I think even if it means losing a job in pursuit of a better chance, this is a great way to break off the chains and set pace if not enact change.
We are still singing about affirmative action in our political spaces and what are we really talking about; men sharing what they already have to us. When someone shares to you what they own, you can never expect more than what they'll keep.
I have seen women in my country starting from sketch in a bid to serve in parliament and eventually making it. Its really all about creating our own opportunities and fighting to place them on an equal space with others as opposed to begging for opportunities that are taken.

Helen hassani's picture

ending violence against women

Hi busayo
Thank you for sharing your story and the situation that women have in Nigeria. I am orginally from Iran and I also witnissed and heard many stories about violence against women in Iran. Unfortunetly,under the Islamic law women have lost many of their social rights and privilages. Even women in Iran face brutality and injustice everyday, thery are trying very hard to overcome these obstacle by participating in different areas especially universities. In fact the majority of universities' students are women. There are also activists who are working to get internationl awarness about stoning and lashing against women. I hope someday we find a way to end violence against women in the world. Please keep in touch and share your stories with me. I really appreciate your time. I also am a university student in the U.S and I will share your stories in my classes with everyone.
Thank you
Helen

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