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What it is like to be a single mother

Iam a single mother of two.I became a mother immediately after school and therefore i had no source of income,it was not easy for me.I was sent away from home and i had to stay with a relative,all this time no one bothered about my children.No one ever bought clothes for my children,i remember leaving my relatives home because everyone was talking about me and asking why the father of my children could not shoulder his burdens,i left one day and sneaked home,left my children and off i went to the city to look for a job.

God was on my side and i got a job.I took my children and i have tried to survive.Life has not been easy though because my children have faced rejection because of being raised by a single mother,you cannot make a contribution and advice a married woman even on issues not related to marriage.Men look at single mothers as easy targets for sexual harassment.Everyday provides a million reasons to be bitter and quit but there are reasons to persevere,its sad to struggle.Its a society where our children are learning politics of communal hatred and might bring destruction in years to come.

As a single mother i have tried to prove myself,to be more capable,organized but people often relates me to single wood,it makes me to miss the real me,a barrier of separation.its discrimination,its insulting,humiliating and really frustrating.But i have learn t to surrender and let my single hood be what God uses to improve me and others,tough things in life trains us,they equip us to love others,when we feel our tears,we can better feel the pain of others.

Finally,i would like to say that in the community i come from,girls who give birth to children at home go through what i went through,the number is increasing everyday and there lives is at the mercy of God,some wish they could go back to school and others wish they could find some source of income.African men rarely marry a woman with someone else's child.

Comments

olutosin's picture

POWERFUL WOMAN

hey dear friend, you are such a powerful woman, because you know what is right, even when the world say a single woman is this or that, you know who you are, this topic was discussed here sometime ago and we will continue to hammer it here that being a single woman is not a crime or a sickness, all the name calling is just to discriminate and violete women's rights. ONCE, I LEARNT THAT EVEN BEING HOMOSEXUAL IS BEING FOUGHT BY MEN BECASUE THEY WANT TO RETAIN PATRIACHY and when a woman feels attracted to and marries a woman then there is no respected patriachy in that union and on the other way round, when a man feels attracted to and marries a man then who is going to control who? The power and the control is what they are afraid of, teh manis the crown of the women, tah tis what we were made to believe, it si just a way to suppress women forever.
Be happy that is the law!

Whereever or in whatever situation you fine yourself make sure that you are happy.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

It is unfortunate that single mothers are easy targets for harassment, butt is obvious that you are a strong and determined woman! Have you been able to connect with other single mothers? I think you could share your experiences with them and teach them how to persevere even in difficult circumstances. You have an influential voice that you could undoubtedly use to empower other women and help them build self-confidence.

millly's picture

Thanks Brianna

Thanks for your comment.Yes i have connected with other single mums.We basically share experiences and sometimes you realise that others have gone through worse situations than you.I would love to do more for others but i have limitations.

AchiengNas's picture

Single mother by choice

Hello Milly and everyone!
I am too a single mother but by choice.
I was in a very abusive relationship, the father to my Daughter is a type who goes drinking and clubbing, coming home from 3,4,5,6am. Should I complain or act unhappy, he would hit me badly. On the other site my mother, brothers and sisters kept telling me to hungon there, I tried and for the years we were together, there was no change. I have alot of bad experience therein. To share later.
Now I am happily living with my Daughter. I do not encourage women to leave their husbands, some men change but I can tell you there are those who do not at all.

I believe everybody has the potential to live a better life. Given the Opportunity, Education and Motivation ANYONE can become someone admirable. Nobody is a NOBODY, everybody is SOMEBODY.

millly's picture

Thanks Achieng!

Iam sorry for what you have gone through.I know women who hang on in abusive relationships,especially here in Kenya and i think that your decision was the best.I became a mum at a young age and unlike you,i had not even known what marriage is all about.My life was crushed but thank God for His progressive care and love.Thanks for your comments,God bless.

jap21's picture

Hi Milli

I don´t know how old you are, but am guessing you are not over 30. This said, I want to cheer you: GO MILLI, GO!!!

Listen, in my country there is a saying: from the worst times comes the most brilliant understanding.

This has proven to be right in my case, and I know it will also be right in your case. Just let time do the trick. All you are going through is classical. Girls all over the world suffer from the same stuff when they have children at young ages. Scientists say that the odds are against you, so you need to work really hard to beat them. It will not be easy, but it will be ohhhh sooooo rewarding!

Always be the best person. Always love your life, your children and trust in God, in your brain, and in your gut. DREAM, girl, dream. As long as your hands are always working on something, your dreams will come true. Learn how to dream the right dreams at night, as well as how to do the right daydreaming throughout your activities.

Listen to your own thoughts, and put enormous love in this internal conversation. Look at you in the mirror and say: "Milli, I love you, you are lovable, intelligent, radiant and successful today and always"

I see your beautiful soul... let it radiate throughout the earth...

Love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

millly's picture

Thanks Jackie

I love the encouraging words.Its a tough world out there andi know that time heals all wounds,God has been my source of strength and peace.And i am happy to talk about myself now,something i couldnt do a few years back.Thank you.

millly's picture

Thank you all

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement ,Olutosin,Brianna and jap21.
Brianna you wanted to know if i have connected with other women to share experiences,the answer is yes.iam in a group of single mothers where everyone has shared how life has been for them,and one thing we have in common,is rejection especially by close relatives,eg brothers.these are people who think you and your children are a burden in the family.Most of these women have no support from family.
My biggest concern,however,is on girls who have children and their education was cut short,i was a victim and i believe my life would be better than the way it is now.

ShukThi's picture

You are surviving, and thriving...

Milly,

I am moved by the strong, clear way you tell of your experiences. It makes me sad to know that families are so caught up in what the rest of society believes and demands of them, that they forget to love their own. It is wrong that your family of birth is not supportive of you. However, so often in this world, many of us who are marginalized in some way have to create a family of choice for ourselves. It looks like you have taken steps towards that by connecting with other women who are single parenting.

As I am sure you know, love, support and encouragement are not any lesser because they come from acquaintances and strangers as opposed to our kin. it sounds like you are doing the best you can, every day, for yourself and your children. I know it must be frustrating to not have been able to pursue your education further. I wish you the best of luck in making your dreams a reality. Just the example of your surviving and thriving is your great gift to your children and your community.

Love from across the seas
ShukThi

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