When the heart is not so smart
Life …..yes life…its full of surprises, shortcomings, letdowns, happiness the list is just endless but however how it comes to you I hope that you always learn something out of it…at least I have…mine is a story of how life will never ever be what you would want it to be..O.k. at times it presents itself as almost but never the actual thing. Think about it.
I have always fantasized of a really nice guy coming my way and that we would hit it off…my qualities were a single guy who takes life seriously, living alone, financially stable …my point not that I was looking for a marriage partner but someone that we would grow to love each other. In other words I am there for him and he is there for me…in my life I have never ever thought about going out with a married guy at all until I met Sam. Sam is the kind of a guy that most women would not resist he is smooth in his ways on treating women its like he has it all figured out somehow probably coz of his age or something I really can’t tell but I figure a man of 40 has been there done that! What amazes me with Sam is the facts that unlike many men who will hit on you and give you a thousand and one reasons why they want to cheat on their wives he will tell you bluntly that he is so in love with his wife and probably has never been this much in love with her. You guessed right my question too so the question comes so why do you want to have whatever you want to have with me? And he goes like because I love you! Confusing right? Yeah my reaction too….
Sam is the kind of a guy who will call you in the morning just to find out if u slept well, he will call you after an hour just to find out if you reached to the office safe, he will call you at ten o’clock just to say that he loves you and that he is thinking about you, he will call you at one just to tell you that he is off for lunch, he will ask you to log in to the net in the afternoon so that you can chat some more..he will call you in the evening just to know how your day was (at times I want to tell him that he already knows) how the meeting went , he will detect that you are not very happy, he will know when you are straining etc… now you tell me who would resist such a lad?
I had been complaining for a while how tired I was feeling about work and that I really needed to rest and Sam one day surprised me with sending me air tickets so that he would take me on a vacation to the beautiful city of Zibambwe now you see what I mean? The guy is just perfect! My problem his marriage….well I am the kind of a person that really respect the office of marriage and believe that it should be sacred and respected no matter what..Looking at his lovely family portrait of five, four biological and one adapted daughter and his beautiful wife Sarah will just give you a smile without you knowing it. At first I wasn’t so sure of my going to Zibambwe with him endless questions going through my mind and of course the guilty conscious that comes with it…but after a while I threw care to the wind and flew there we had quite a good time with his treating me like a queen. Oh I felt loved, cared for all those good things that a woman would want to get..
As I am writing this I am on my way back home from a four day vacation that clearly I will never ever regret going to with a married guy my question though is do I want this to continue? The answer to that is a big NO! To Sam since I know that you will read this I say thank you for the wonderful time that you gave me at Zibabawe I don’t regret it one bit…but in spite of all those good things and promises that you have made the woman inside me still insists that this is not right. You have a wonderful family and an amazing wife. I would be devastated to be the one to bring heartache to her. May be you will get someone else and get on with your life as you always have but my advice to you is that Sarah deserves the very best o.k. I know that she gets the really best what I mean is cut some slacks for her respect your marriage and the love that you still have for her she deserves it..My prayer is that you be faithful to her she simply does not deserve what you do behind her back. I know that you are an African man yeah! Yeah! But you are also an informed person I like your thoughtfulness and I am pretty confidence that if you think about it from my point of view you will understand what I mean. She is the mother to your children treat her respect!
As for me I guess that its time I get back to the drawing board.