The passing of my Mother.
It has been a long time since I have visited here @ Pulse. My life has taken many turns since my recovery from a long term heroin addiction. I had managed to find a job, and in spite of the pay, I was able to be just as grateful at $8 as I probably would be at @ $20. I managed to connect with my inner spirit which guilds my path and also my empathy for the human condition has risen to a new level. It was not so long ago that I have visited my mom who, at that time lived in a nursing home. She had been placed there after a fall which she broke her hip. Her being a diabetic did not allow family members to offer the care she needed. My last visit to her was one of the best ones yet. It was not so long ago that resentments and anger had kept us apart for twenty-seven years. I recall during my last visit feeling so very grateful to finally have a relationship with her. And funny but for some odd reason I recall thinking that that visit would be my last. I also remember shaking my head as if to shake that out of my thoughts. On May 13, 2008, I was on brake from my class at Precision Truck School. I jumped on the computer at the office, (yes I am still needing one.) to check my e-mail. I noticed an e-mail from the oldest of my brothers and once I saw the name "Shirley" I knew instinctively that something dreadful had happened. As I read I had learned that my mom had passed the Friday before. I would like to share with Pulse the word that will be spread along with her ashes over the waters where Bodega Bay and the Russian River meet; in the little town of Jenner...
To My Mother:
In times of silence, your image appears in my thoughts.
I hear your laughter in the wind.
The stars remind me of the light you carried in your eyes.
The sunshine emits the warmth of your smile.
I am grateful for the times we shard as mother and daughter.
I cherish the times we cried in each other's arms.
I know that the path I chose to take in life wasn't the one you would have me walk, but what is important here is that ultimately we were able to agree to disagree, and with love still remain as mother and daughter, and most of all, as friends.
As I continue to walk this Earth and live my life, it remains that you may no longer exist for my eyes to see, but are envisioned in my heart forever.
Be At Peace
Love Your Daughter
Fortunately I am not dealing with unresolved resentments, or anger, I am just dealing with the loss. I love you mom and I know that she watches from wherever her spirit is.