Community Update

World Pulse Toolkits Available!

At World Pulse, we recognize the need for ongoing learning—for you and for your community! Our toolkits are all available here.

We are especially excited to share our signature Citizen Journalism and Digital Empowerment Curriculum. Start learning today!

story of patience

Tags:

I can understand that hardships and pains are part of our life. Everyone has to face some hurdles in their life. This is a natural phenomenon. I am wondering about the man made phenomenon that is an artificial one, in this phenomenon human beings have made categories about those who are poor, needy, or ignored by the society simply the unlucky people.

I was happy and full of life .I was a very innocent and clean hearted girl. I gave respect to everyone. Whatever my parents told me I did, and then they ordered me to marry a man whom I don’t know; I accepted their order but what happened after wards …

This is Didar bibi, 26 year old woman. She belonged to a famous village”Gupis”, which is known as fairies land due to its natural beauty and charm. When Didar bibi was 23 years old she got married with a boy name as “Asif”. Didar bibi was a symbol of patience; she was a very good girl she never did anything against her parents. Her husband was in army. Didar bibi was satisfied with her life. After two or three months of their marriage something strange started to happen to her. There was something in her mind but nobody knows whether she was depressed or anything else.

Time passed as before she now knew everybody at her home. Didar bibi was living in a joint family system with two married brother-in-laws and one unmarried brother-in-law. She gave respect to everyone in her family and felt happy when she did their work.

After five months she became more nervous and tensed than before. Suddenly, she looked so different, her behavior started to become harder to understand. Whenever someone asked her about her condition and reason behind this behavior, she told nothing to anyone…….

As Shakespeare said “life is a stage and we all are its characters we have to play our role for a certain period of time”. Didar bibi’s this role was different. She was not mad. Except God nobody knows what had happened to her. Gradually, she started to behave more strange; like she started fighting with others she started throwing stones at people. Some people thought that she had been victim of ghosts or may be somebody had done black magic on her so she hast to go to a “Pir” (magic man).

Her husband took her to the hospital once. The doctor said “It needs a large amount of money for her treatment, Didar bibi’s husband agreed but her mother-in-law’s behavior made her more depressed and mad. Didar bibi started to hate her mother-in –law, but never told this to anyone.

This situation continued for one year till she had one baby boy. Sometimes, she acted well but most of the time she was depressed and acted as a mad person. Whenever she went to her parents’ home, she became fine and when she came back to her husband’s home, madness again appeared to her.

Her situation led her to divorce her cruel mother-in-law, who never accepted her as her daughter-in-law. Before divorce, her parents requested not to divorce their daughter and they will do everything to make her well otherwise her life will be ruin .They spend lots of money but all was in vain .They visited many doctors, as a treatment doctors provided her with electric shocks, and applied all possible treatments, but instead of getting better her situation was getting worse. So as a result her husband gave her a gift named divorce.

Now she is with her parents and she is completely fine as earlier. She has two sons but they are not allowed to stay with her because their cruel mother-in-law never wants her grandsons to stay with their mad (as she thinks) mother. This all was just because of her mother-in-law’s behavior, she never gave her love and respect, her mother-in-law always ordered her as she was a servant not their daughter.

Didar bibi pretends that she is happy, but nobody knows her sorrow and pains. She hides her tears in the rain. She never wants to show her tears to anyone. Nobody knows when the bright and shinning sun of her life will appear again………?

The storm of sorrows is much harder than the real storm. She wants to smile, but how can she smile? There is no reason for her happiness. There are many girls like didar bibi who are socially ignored. Now it has been almost five year of her divorce no one is ready to marry her. Her life is nothing; she is staying at her parent’s home and doing household work.
When this all will stop………..???

Comments

pooza11's picture

sad

its really sad to hear about Didar bibi that she is ignored be the society. I admire her and appreciate her as it is so difficult to hide ones emotions. She was suffered more than one could bear. a girl getting divorce is unacceptable in my society nepal. they look the women in a negative way and abuse the women. they find fault in women even when she is innocent.
they are just helpless here.A number of women have ruined their life in this way.
Many mother in law has either thrown the women out of home or burn them with life without any reason.
Its really very very sad when we hear such stories.Thanx for raising your voice/

Pooza

Nelly2.0's picture

Same Here

In my community, several marriages have been destroyed because of outside influnce, usually coming from mother-in-laws. Female divorcees here are also regarded as women who could not keep their homes together. I think it was for the best that Didar bibi got a divorce. At least she is alive, and has a certain amount of peace. That is what is most important.

Peace

shakila's picture

hi!

dear Pooza

Thank you for appreciation. Your encouragement is very important for me to raise voices of innocent people.

Yes I know these kind of unfortunate events happen everywhere in the world. But really we can’t imagine the situation of those women who suffered from these all situations. I have seen didar bibi’s situation before and after being mad that was terrible and very sad.

Thank you once again,
Prayers,
shakila

shakila's picture

hi

dear sister ada!

Yes you are right there are many cruel people in this world, who don’t want to see others happy due to jealousy or any other reason.

It’s true that she is alive, but to be very honest she is dead from inside .she has nothing to do .she has no family of her own, no source of income, and people just show empathy ,but do nothing.
You even can’t imagine what the position of divorce women is in that area. she is has no value at all.

prayer,
shakila

Dear Shakila,

You wrote and shared one woman's life story, that is the truth in mostly every place. As in Afghanistan, there are thousands of women who's lives are destroyed due to small problems which then became serious porblems. People can never leave their habit of not interfering in others lives, but we have to solve it and make ourselves strong so that no one could have the ability to attack us in a way we don't understand. Nice way of writing and sharing this story. I like it dear.

with love,

Mursal,

Nusrat Ara's picture

thanks for sharing her story.

thanks for sharing her story. There are so many waiting to be told.

Nusrat

Riruta UW Empowerment Programme's picture

Is a symbol

Didi represents so many women outside there suffering at the hands of cruel in-laws. Many young girls are introduced to forced marriages in the name of maintaining culture. To be an individual comes first then community second. Many marriages are ruined because of family intereferences. Let Didi pick up her life again and start living. Keep on smiling. That was not the end of the road.

Anne Khadudu Baraza,
CEO- Riruta United Women Empowerment Programme
+254 729880651/ 020 2602803
!27-00502 Karen, Nairobi Kenya

Riruta UW Empowerment Programme's picture

Is a symbol

Didi represents so many women outside there suffering at the hands of cruel in-laws. Many young girls are introduced to forced marriages in the name of maintaining culture. To be an individual comes first then community second. Many marriages are ruined because of family intereferences. Let Didi pick up her life again and start living. Keep on smiling. That was not the end of the road.

Anne Khadudu Baraza,
CEO- Riruta United Women Empowerment Programme
+254 729880651/ 020 2602803
!27-00502 Karen, Nairobi Kenya

shakila's picture

Dear sister anne! Thank you

Dear sister anne!

Thank you for reading the “story of patience “.I know my writing is not that much strong but really I am trying to bring the facts. I want to raise voice for innocent people no matter which country and region they belong to. I think we all human being are equal . and I hope you all we encourage me.

No doubt Didar bibi is suffering hard but I believe” if one door closes many other doors open “

Thank you

sibusisiweyona's picture

i know what it is like

This story is so touching and i know what it is like to experience a break down because of so many pressures from outside. In my culture arranged and forced marriages have long since been forgotten but i can still relate. it is God's blessing that Didar bibi is still alive and that she is coping inspite of her suffering. This shows that women can grow from strength to strength. Thank you for the story

Magazine »

Read global coverage through women's eyes

Letters to a Better World

Letters to a Better World

Community »

Connect with women on the ground worldwide

womenspace's picture

CAMBODIA: Ordinary Women Can Make a Difference

Campaigns »

Be heard at influential forums

WWW: Women Weave the Web

WWW: Women Weave the Web

Programs »

Help us train women citizen journalists

World Pulse Voices of Our Future

World Pulse Voices of Our Future

Partners »

Join forces with our wide network of partners

Nobel Women's Initiative

Nobel Women's Initiative