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Authentic gifts

Today, St. Valentine day, I did not receive nor gave gifts.

I'm in romantic relation with no one, and this have saved me from the well engineered consumeristic frenzy of the last days.

Yet, I didn't found "alone". Sure, I'm an irreducible single, and many find this strange. I remember an old, cheerful lady who, during a travel I made in Mexico, asked me "Alone?"

Roaming in Mexico with no spouse, or fiancé, looked to her unusual, maybe somewhat dangerous. I guess that saying her the entire truth (that I was there for professional reasons, as part of an international research project) would have added strangeness to her picture, and I didn't find the courage to say her.

But that's made me think. Here in Italy I'm used that people ask with a bit of surprise why am I not yet married, and find it normal. But in Mexico, facing an entirely different word, the meanings of that seemed to me even more enigmatic, if possible.

I see that being single might seem quite heretical, possibly more even than a homosexual relation. It may seem egotistic (and in part, I admit, it is - I feel quite at ease with myself).

Yet, being "single" means not being really alone. I have never been, for sure.

Even on that night. I was the only human being in that little wood. I stood there from twilight to night, just waiting, letting air flow, sensing the scent of plants and ground, and listening attentively to the many sounds. There were so many of them: from some heavy seeds falling, to the liquid singing of a bird I've not identified. Of a deer who, trembling, tried to circumvent my position trying to pass unnoticed.

In the beginning, after dusk had vanished, all seemed so dark. But the Moon suddenly rose, from behind the mountain crest, illuminating the firs from above. It seemed that light was flowing down, slowly, along the tree trunks, until vanishing in a chaos of shades.

And me there.

Can you hear the stones moving? I did! Or, had the impression of, as the small river I was in was completely without water. Well, almost completely, as a delicate swishy lapping revealed, somewhere. Yet, stone move, relentlessly, with the whole ground, creeping calmly to the valley. I felt tem doing, and the trees migrating with them.

No, you're never alone, with an entire planet always with you (that night, I felt this clearly).

Nor, with people. I have some very sincere friends. Not "too many" - and it wouldn't be friendship something less than "deep". As me, they are like nomads, wandering, exploring. Sometimes, we meet.

Sometimes, we find ourselves and "discover" we were friend since a long tie, even without knowing us.

As with the old lady, a farmer, who told me the wonderful tale of the red frogs who migrate gently from the valley to the river, unnoticed.

Sincerely, as the Mexican lady will ask me once again "Alone?", I will answer her "No..."

Wish the same to me, you, and anyone.

Wish no one is forced to be really alone.

Love

Mauri

Comments

jadefrank's picture

Valentine

Beautiful Mauri, quite beautiful. Your use of language and ability to capture and destruct social institutions is greatly admired and appreciated. Thank you.

Jade

Mauri's picture

So kind!

Jade, you're so kind, as always!

And, oh, I didn't imagine to have crashed another ;-)

Sometimes, it's like walking around in a beautiful crystal shop, looking attentively, and admiring those nifty small creations.

The only problem is you (me, in this case) are also an elephant...

(The problem isn't really me: it's the spacing between the showcases! It's too small to pass through while watching! :-) )

By the way, I feel so at home in a community where no one asks you what your marriage plans are.
I could try putting all in politics (in Italy this is a reputed national sport), saying it's typical of a back-turning place to value people only "in relation to"...

But today I'll not. And my reasons are maybe a bit very personal.

The reality is, I'm feeling "good". The "chase" is still open, and so exciting. As I look backwards, very far, until lade adolescence, I smile wondering how differently I imagined the "myself" I'm now. I was afraid to change a lot, and to see the world less and less interesting. This isn't happened - in large part I'm still that myself (only grown-up, with some hurts healed, and much more life experience). In another, I'm still surrounded by friends and new things to learn.

"Preys" abound, and thrive.

Guess you feel the same.

Maybe, my only regret is time. I'm beginning to realize it will end (this is not really a problem). But more urgently, I see a day contains not enough moments for you to do all you would want.

I imagine I need some more maturing - "preys" transforming into mentors, and me to a more attentive person...

Who knows?

In the moment, I'm single - and proud of.

Cheers

Mauri

jap21's picture

Hi precious

Reading your entry made me feel so happy that we are friends! It reminded me of the way I felt when I was not in a relationship and didn´t wish to be either.

At that time I felt releived that I didn´t have to share my bed with anybody, and it felt so good to decide what to do only by myself, not having to ask anyone for their opinion. So I understand what you are saying and I agree.

I am proud to have a friend who knows the difference between being alone and "lonely". In the first case you are almost never lonely, while in the second case you are almost always lonely. And when you are alone and in good company, you will always be fine.

Instead when you are lonely and you find nothing and noone keeps you good company, you are in a bit of trouble.I salute you for always being able to find the beauty of being alone, but in good company.

Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Mauri's picture

Lonelinesses

Jackie, dear!

I'm happy of your commenting, and thank you for sharing your feeling.

Sure we do! Isn't that "being alone without being lonely" a soul-healing experience?

You are there, no one around (hopefully!). And you look through nature, seeing in most clarity through the heart of the people you mostly appreciate. Or, maybe, imagine to.

And you perceive God, or the Goddess (same concept) seeping through the tree branches, behind all that.

Ha ha! The converse is also true!

Just yesterday I had a depressing meeting with my colleagues, the other two owners of our nano-company.

Have you had the impression of speaking nominally the same language, but communicating really nothing?
Yesterday was just like that. I took at heart a point, on how some decision would impact on the stability of our group and what to do to prevent the troubles. You know, just the very "touchy-feely" subject a True Engineer is passed through (ears included) without reaction. And that's exactly what happened (to be sincere, this with one of the colleagues; the other looked quite annoyed).

So I felt not alone, but terribly lonely (and stupid, too - I'm still in search of an infallible Italian-to-Engineerese translator, but to date...).

I made the experiment of saying exactly the same things to our office's plush reindeer, word by word (as you see, we can be very professional). As expected, it gave no sign of comprehension, nor interested. So the external outcome was as with my colleagues. But this time I didn't feel lonely: only stupid - and with very good reasons. I didn't expect an answer!

Thank goodness, friends exist! (Even engineers! As they switch from ENG to NORM mode, they're sweet people! )

So glad, and proud, of your friendship.

A big hug

Mauri

jap21's picture

Twinkles

I am sending good vibes through twinkles to you honey.

When will you post your pictures? It would be awesome to meet you even if just in pictures!

Love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Mauri's picture

A gift from my little world

Dear, I'm doing even more.

Just look to your e-mail!

Hugs
Mauri

jap21's picture

Thanks dear

I will read it all and send feedback later in the week.

Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

JaniceW's picture

Being alone

I so enjoy your gift for the narrative. Your posts are always read with delight and wonder. Being alone can indeed be a soul-healing experience and there are many times when I lose myself to music, nature or the beauty around me immersing myself in the serenity of being alone.

I am sorry that you had a disconnect with your colleagues and was amused that their response was the same as the reindeer's. Should you ever feel lonely, come to PulseWire where there are many sisters who eagerly wait to read what you have to share. We are here for you in sisterhood and friendship as you have been for us. Cheers,
Janice

Mauri's picture

Pulsewire: a safe, delightful place

Janice, dear!

You are so right. Reading the posts in Pulsewire is a joy. I often do - and feel overwhelmed: I'd like to reply "all people", but with the time I have, that is not possible. (And sure that's good! I question myself, in what sensible may I say ;-)

But, Pulsewire is a beautiful place.

As hard and terrible are the issues often discussed, it looks a lot like the World I would like to live in.

And sometimes, even the disconnects are useful. Besides all, that made me consider what my error was. I expect others to react life as I do, but that's impossible. We all are different and, in this case, I was at fault.

Fortunately, re-connecting is always possible. Just a day after the reindeer stubborn mutism, with people who are my friends. Maybe half a life in more distant cases.

By the way: Pulsewire also build confidence. As I joined, I said my most important challenge is empowering voices in my immediate surroundings (doing in a larger context may be paradoxically simpler - people may focus on the message, not the carrier). May I say? Interacting with like-minded people built the feeling that my concerns were not that isolated. And showed me ways of coping. I've learned a lot, in this little time. And results are beginning to come.

After the reconnection with my colleagues, one of them answered a complex e-mail from me with a sweet and thoughtful letter. The point was about possible futures, in the context of a merge my company is involved in - a big opportunity, and also a danger. I tried to step in his feet, and went to the point quick-and-linearly. He noticed the "way" and, in reward, replied using "my" style. More important, he delved in the kind of things he deemed difficult. A little step.

Hope the Pulsewire spirit spread.

Cheers

Mauri

malayapinas's picture

Love will find a way

Hi Mauri dear! Belated Happy Valentine's Day! Just got the time tonight reading some posts here and I'm so happy browsing all the articles . It's a nice feeling reading your post. As long as we are happy with ourselves and with the people around us , it's doesn't matter if we are single or married or having a partner. The important thing in life is we know how to love ourselves and to love others. Love will always find a way.

love,
Malaya

Mauri's picture

Life force

Malaya, dear!

Your sweet words are so true.

There is nothing more powerful than love. Maybe, we can identify it with life itself, at least for us humans.

I'm convinced love trickles wherever. No one is really immune from this virus, fortunately.

Just today I was considering how much I had received. Sometimes, without even devising it. You see the World and, even after a surface glance, you understand there are much more people worthier than I am - better, more talented, more able to love. They can be everywhere, many of them starving, or suffering oppression, in a way they don't devise...

What to do, if not loving back?

And, "extending" to others. To people we don't know, to next generations, to the environment...

It is something which can not be balanced, as a loan. It may only grow, anyone the way they can.

Thank you my friend, your thrugh was really inspiring.

Hugs

Mauri

malayapinas's picture

The world needs our love

Hi dear! I'm so happy for inspiring you! Keep loving even when others are not or even when it hurts. The world needs our love and pain is always a part of sharing ourselves to others. Though, pain makes us stronger and wiser persons. It is through pain that we can surmount the challenges of life . I'm also saying this to myself today because despite pains and disappointments - we need to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves to continue loving others.

Keep shining!

love,
Malaya

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