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A Whole New World

What a whole new world for me! A world with powerful women making waves and threading lives in colorful and dynamic ways. A world of amazing shining stars that give joy and inspiration to the ones who care for women and the whole of humanity. A world far and away yet so near and so close. A world full of wonders where everything seems magic!

I felt so magically bliss finding this world of exciting journey of self– discovery and self- actualization as a woman. In here, every woman’s energy and breathtaking courage reverberates in my entire senses making me stronger to carry on my daily battle for self empowerment being a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, a daughter, an activist and a beginner citizen’s journalist.

Looking back of how I came into this fascinating world, I can’t help but smile of disbelief. It all started finding Pulse Wire by chance last year 2009. Wow! , I said surprisingly and excitedly. I think this is it! Who knows? I quickly registered on line giving myself a go for a chance of learning journalism. A long time fleeting fantasy that keeps coming back playing in my mind. I never thought will come into reality.

It was a sort of a trial and error or hit and miss. I introduced myself not knowing my life will change into something new and exciting. From a very simple reason of having a taste of virtual journalizing and learning whatever comes along, I was hooked to a world that makes me marvelously engaged. I didn’t know that in the near future this will fascinates me into the world I never dreamt of.

I did give my best shots despite time limitations, doubts and difficulties of self expression as VOF correspondent aspirant. I spent sleepless nights head cracking tracing scattered thoughts and precious memories weaving it together for a piece of artwork. It was a mixture of heartbreaking, heartwarming and rewarding process. In the middle of my creation, I often found myself in tears remembering the life I had been through. It refreshed my memory and made the people dear to me back to life especially my beloved father and brother. It made me feel the presence and the love of my mother living by herself in our hometown in Mindanao. I could hear the bundle of laughter and the cries of my beloved fallen colleagues and friends and my first husband who offered their lives for the living. I could feel the rushing sounds of women and children in the silence of the night running to and fro to survive the painful whip of hunger, poverty and violence.

Their images continued to inspire me in my journey. But it always took me a hard time finding beautiful words and sentences to make it an open story for the women and men of PulseWire and the world. I knew I have to hurdle so many challenges along the way knowing that writing demands so much time and thoughts concentration. In the first place, I’m not a writer though journal writing is one of my passions. I have so much pressures in my activism work. I’m struggling to be a good mother for my pre-school daughter in the midst of my very hectic activism work. I have to send and pick her at school everyday. I have to help her cope with schooling in her new school. I have to bear her tantrums and demands everyday that drained my patience at the end of the day. But I remember, I said in my earlier journal that I didn’t know what the future lies what matters most for me is I will give a try and I dared.

My focus in writing assignments was most of the time put on hold due to these challenges. My activisms work and my domestic concerns took so much of my time, my emotions and my energy. In April of last year, I had my emergency surgery due to my constant bleeding. I went to the hospital with only a hundred peso bill or two dollars in my pocket. My son was hospitalized in June due to pneumonia without my presence. My husband was also hospitalized in July without my knowledge because I’m away for my community work. Only to know he was in the hospital on my way back home.

Our finance resource was not really enough and we had to borrow from relatives and friends to keep our day to day existence especially during emergency situation like hospitalization and it was so hard. In June, we did transfer our daughter to a new school because we couldn’t afford to pay for the tuition fee which I felt so sad. I really cried. It was hard but I just keep my finger cross that we can overcome all these trials.

I did continue my activism and my VOF journalizing under very insecure times. The financial difficulties and the death threats of my husband last year as well as mine did not stop us in our activism work. Instead, I doubled my time working to keep up with the fast turn of events politically and economically. I continued joining mass demonstration and public protests for the interest and welfare of women and the Filipino people.

I resolutely kept my determination and my commitment as a Pulse Wire correspondent aspirant. I kept my self on line and joined discussions and gave commentaries aside from my monthly articles until the wee hours of the morning. In times of my doubts and low self confidence, I was so inspired with the support of the Pulsewire listeners, my fellow correspondents who always kept me up in my low moments and the amazing voices of Pulsewire team of Jennifer and Janice whom I constantly in contact with.

I felt so happy, when the announcement came last June that I was one of the thirty lucky women selected for the VOF training on journalism. I felt like floating with happiness. Though, deep within me, I felt so nervous and uncertain if I could cope up with the corresponding demands and pressures. I couldn’t imagine myself diving into this deep, wide and never ending circuits of women energies shaking the powers in every corner of the world through journalism. I was so overwhelmed and most of the times mesmerized by this women power. Anyhow, I tossed myself up in the air once more with butterflies in my stomach. My relationship with Pulsewire community deepened everyday. My mentor Jeanne brightened my day every time she called me up; Jennifer was always there for me keeping me inspired and Janice’s friendships was so captivating! My VOF friends were quick to give me their sincere and wholehearted solidarity and warmness. Thank you, Jackie and Janice for making friend with my daughter.

Time just turned very quickly. In November, the most awaited part of the journey came. It was that time that I woke up at 4 am for an early morning appointment. I opened the computer to check my emails. Voila! I was chosen as one of the three awardees. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to shout and jump for joy but the neighborhood was still sleeping. I just so overjoyed and I woke up my husband and whispered, “I made it sweetheart!” It was such an exciting moment in my life. My husband told me to take care of my newfound world. My daughter was so excited that she told me she’s going with me in my tour. I called my mother and I did cry telling her I won the award. I told my friends and their so excited for me. Such a feeling I just couldn’t explain.

Two weeks after, I was put under a litmus test. I made a letter to my VOF classmates and the Pulsewire community about my wishes to take a short break with a short news story of the Ampatuan massacre of more than fifty people mostly journalist , women and lawyers friends in Mindanao. My dear Jensine surprised me and made me shivered to the bones when she told me to submit immediately a frontline news article out of my letter. “My God! This is what I’m scared of”, I said. I heard my stomach grumbled of nervousness for such a baptism by fire of being a journalist the first time. But I braced my self and successfully raised the gruesome human rights violations in the Philippines to the international community. Thanks Jensine for such a wonderful breakthrough you made for me!

Thus, my journey as a Pulsewire correspondence is an interconnection of my precious past, my fascinating and struggling here and now and a promising and exciting future. Indeed, the beautiful and sorrowful traces of my footprints totally left me with a higher and renewed spirit. I never thought I would have gone this far. This whole new world of mine no matter how difficult getting through the way is a beautiful journey with unexpected gifts along the way. My faith in myself and the women and few men behind helped me reach my destination with dancing stars.

I owed my whole new being to the people that loved me so much beyond compared. To my parents who give love unconditionally and give me all the preparations I need for life. To my husband who always made it easy for me even if it was hard for him. To my sisters and brother who are always here for me in my most trying times. To my kids, who give me strength to move on and always trying to give happiness for me. To all my gracious friends, who understand me and keep me in their hearts near or far. To my Pulsewire colleagues, who believe in me and share with me my joys and sorrows. To Jensine and whole team, for creating WorldPulse and believing in me, transforming me and bringing me to this whole new world of women’s empowerment and citizen’s journalism.

I’m sure my life ahead will not be a bed of roses but I know there will be bunch of flowers. I just received yesterday my fresh bouquet of flowers which was my press ID and my WorldPulse certificate. My gosh! I’m a journalist now! I quickly showed it to my husband and the whole family full of smile and laughter. I couldn’t take off my eyes on my ID and the certificate the whole day. It moved me to tears as I hold the remembrance of my handwork and the triumph that goes with it. Looking at it, I could see the many faces of the women and the few good men smiling, laughing, screaming and crying to make this dream come true. Indeed, these pieces of papers are mosaics of love, sacrifices, patience, friendship collectively handcrafted into one beautiful masterpiece of life’s creation.

I wanted to share this creation to the women and children of the world especially the Filipino women and children who needed it the most in the gallery of this suffering world. They are the center of my triumphs, they are the reason of my being here and I will continue to be their voice in our struggle for freedom and peace. I may have flaws along the way, but the level of empowerment and my strong and gentle WorldPulse community will definitely help me stand fast the test of times being a woman activist and a citizen’s journalist for global women liberation.

Malayapinas is a World Pulse Correspondent. She participated in Voices of Our Future, a World Pulse program which provides rigorous web 2.0 and new media training for 31 emerging women leaders.

Comments

JaniceW's picture

So poetic and inspiring

Malayapinas,
I am beyond words. Reading this journal entry so moved me and I sit here without the words to adequately express my deep respect, love and affection for you and your family. Your writing speaks to the bonds of friendship on PulseWire and I take comfort in knowing we are all connected to each other even though we are miles apart.

Having the opportunity to lift voices such as yours makes all our work worthwhile. We are not on the frontlines but we can ensure that your efforts are not in vain and do not go unnoticed. Your strength and courage are such an inspiration to me and I know that your voice will echo in my heart when I sometimes question if I am doing enough.

I am so deeply moved by your efforts to speak out for the unheard/silent Filipino people. You have touched our hearts, opened our minds, and inspired us to help make this world a better place. Thank you for all that you do and know that we all stand with you, shoulder to shoulder, in spirited sisterhood. With much love and respect,
Janice

malayapinas's picture

Dear Janice, You do touched

Dear Janice,

You do touched me as always with your very inspiring words. Thank you so much ! Your presence in WorldPulse is priceless and your commitment for World Pulse empowering women is a legacy that will live forever in our hearts.

much love,
Malaya

jadefrank's picture

Dear Malaya

Malaya,

I deeply appreciate your open and honest account of the journey that you've made throughout your life - especially in the last year as a Voices of Our Future Correspondent. Reading your journals and those of your 29 VOF sisters, as well as witnessing your journey together as community has been a momentous experience for me and everyone at World Pulse.

And by letting us into your journey in this personal way is so telling of what women activists face around the world - women like you who sacrifice for the future generations of women.

Your dedication to activism and ability to put this foremost in your life - along with raising a loved and empowered daughter and protect your husband- is so courageous and I am in awe at your strength and undying determination to seek for justice and speak out for those who cannot.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this journey with us, for leading the PulseWire community and inspiring other women to find their own voices, and for never giving up the fight within yourself and for your country. You are an incredible mother and wife, you are a leader and friend for the women of World Pulse, you are a voice for the people of the Philippines and you are a leading woman journalist for the world who reaches and moves thousands of people worldwide with your insight, strength of words and mind and inability to stop fighting for the rights of your people.

Love,
Jade

malayapinas's picture

Dear Jade, Thank you so much

Dear Jade,

Thank you so much Jade! I'm speechless with your heartwarming words for me. I'm happy that I was able to be a part of your empowerment and a part of this very powerful network of women .

More power and best wishes,
Malaya

Nusrat Ara's picture

A great post. I enjoyed

A great post. I enjoyed sharing your journey Malaya, You have a lot of do :) so brace yourself up and start a new leaf.

We are all here with you.

Lots of Love

Nusrat

malayapinas's picture

Dear Nusrat, Hi! It;s nice to

Dear Nusrat,

Hi! It;s nice to be back after a while of silence. Just so many concerns to deal with at the start of the new year. Happy to know you enjoyed reading my journey. I will have your love in my heart.

love,
Malaya

olutosin's picture

Soul sis, great job u are doing!

Welldone dear friend and soul sister!

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

malayapinas's picture

Hi my dear friend! Thank you

Hi my dear friend! Thank you so much for being a friend!

keep the spirit,
Malaya

Tina's picture

Wonderful!

Oh! Malaya,
You are so inspiring to me. So brave, so passionate, so wonderful! The trials you faced and the challenges you overcame to complete this program and to achieve your dream for the Filipino people and for your daughter blow my mind and fill my heart with joy. This is what it's all about. This is why we do what we do.
I'm sending you sooooo much love right now.
And congratulations again on your award, your frontline Journal and having your story picked up by other media outlets throughout the world. Brilliant!
Tina xx

malayapinas's picture

My friend Tina thank you so

My friend Tina thank you so much! I felt like melting today reading your words for me. Your friendship is such a joy for me keeping my spirit high. Hope you are fine and enjoying life .

love,
Malaya

... your passionate, heartwarming words will sure help forming it!

Sister, your words really move!

Love

Mauri

malayapinas's picture

Dear my friend

Dear my friend Mauri,

Together we will build this world for everyone to have peace and happiness. Hope it will be soon.

Thank you for your time for me,

love,
Malaya

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