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Black & White

I painted my nails black and white yesterday. Was it fashion - no... I love doing manicure, but this time it was rather a revelation of my inner thoughts, feelings, dialogue. I can't cry anymore, because people say I am showing my weakness, I can't complain, because each of us has some kind of troubles, I can't speak out that it hurts loosing one job after another. 10 years I lied to myself, reading quotes and positive books about challenges that come on our way as a something better in the future. It has been 10 years since I moved from my mother's house into nowhere. I thought I was strong, prospective and doors open easily. But every morning I wake up... And I am alone with my thoughts. My friends I used to grow up are married, have children, or a family of their own. I am still looking to save the world. My friends tell me to go abroad, Canada, USA, France, Germany, Spain. But who is waiting me there? Society that replies back that we are there due to their taxes. I don't want to be looked as a migrant. But it is hard to proof it to the locals. I don't want to run away, but I don't see any meaning of staying here. I feel I become addicted to the bad habits more and more. When something good happens, I cheer it with a little of wine or campaign. When something bad is happening, and I cannot speak my mind, I find refuge in smoking. When I come home, there is more alcohol served by my mates on occasions or without reason.
It is morning, I can't sleep, my lungs hurt, headache from alcohol, and a sigh... My nails are still black and white...

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Comments

Nusrat Ara's picture

Dear Voctoria, I don't know

Dear Voctoria,

I don't know what to say but I know one thing you are a strong woman. And a strong one shouldn't take refuge in alochol and those killing sticks.

If you really things there are better opportunities abroad give it a try. You are much valuable than u think. So take good care of yourself. And plz dont stop beileving in urself. You deserve much more and much better.

Lots of Love

Nusrat

Victoria Vorosciuc's picture

Love is a great healler!!!

Dear Nusrat,

Thank you for the balm you prescribed....
It worked for today...

I am starting looking for the new opportunities...

No more killing sticks...

Yours,
Victoria

Victoria Vorosciuc
Project Coordinator
"Empowering women to participate
in community life"
WorldPulse Media Corresspondent

Khushbu's picture

Keep the faith alive

Dear Victoria

Its natural to feel low at times. Even i go through such feelings..the feelings of uselessness, but you should not let such negativity rule you, because they could destroy you. You have been such an inspiration, and now, you need to keep it alive. Going to another country is a very difficult choice, and i have chosen not to, for my own reasons. Like Nusrat says, if thats what is going to make you happy, just go for it, and dont let any XYZ's opinion matter to you. They are just people who will forget you one day. What matters is you, and your happiness. Think about what you want, and you will find the answers.

Sending you love, and hugs

Khushbu

Khushbu Agrawal

Victoria Vorosciuc's picture

Dear Khushubu

It was first time for me that I dared to speak about my own feelings that were hidden somewhere deep inside and agonizing me.
With your support I am back... I will listen to my inner voice and will try not to get any big decisions with moving out. But at the same time, maybe I will focus on starting something new here. It is great again having you here!!!

Thank you!

Deep appreciation,
Victoria

Victoria Vorosciuc
Project Coordinator
"Empowering women to participate
in community life"
WorldPulse Media Corresspondent

Emily Garcia's picture

It's OK to cry

Dear Victoria,

I hope that you will trust yourself to feel these emotions of sadness and frustration and to express them through tears or complaints without worrying about what others will think. The strength inside you will not let these emotions consume you completely and these emotions are important. They are there to tell you something--possibly to guide you back toward happiness and fulfillment. You are a strong woman. You will find a way.

All the best and a great big hug,

Emily

Emily Garcia
World Pulse Online Community Lead

Victoria Vorosciuc's picture

Emotions

A friend of mine told me once that all emotions come as result of unspoken words, feelings, opinion... And it can have negative impact on our health. Funny that there are many books with great information about all the types of emotions with their causes and effects. Still, it is more difficult to transform all the info into a daily habit. On the other hand, who we are without any emotion? Maybe robots? Indeed, positiveness can annihilate or kill all the harmful and negative emotions... Probably I must listen the inner and let the intuition do the work.

Thank you for the great words!!
I will keep this post in order to come back any time I need some real empowering source...

With gratitude and same big hug, Victoria

Victoria Vorosciuc
Project Coordinator
"Empowering women to participate
in community life"
WorldPulse Media Corresspondent

olutosin's picture

Vicky my friend

My dear Vee,

I know you can do it! You know what is good and do not forget to follow your heart, wherever you head to, the power in you will go before, the inner self is greater than the outer one, go girl, leave the deadly sticks and the alchohol, the best it can give is to knock you off for a while and the problems still awaits you when you are awake.

Go on girl you can do it, have a turn around and the next turn is your way to happiness, TAKE THAT BOLD STEP, IT IS HARD TO START AND WHEN YOU START NOTHING CAN STOP YOU AGAIN, START SOMETHING POSITIVE NOW!
Wishing you all the best.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Victoria Vorosciuc's picture

Hi Outlosin!!!

I am trying to avoid the deadly sticks... And with you and our Worldpulse community I am rebuilding myself...
You know - you have just thrown me a safety belt... before I drowned completely...
Really great friends in here... And your support is something that I really need.

Thank you, Thank you, Thak you!!!

Your,
Victoria

Victoria Vorosciuc
Project Coordinator
"Empowering women to participate
in community life"
WorldPulse Media Corresspondent

Dear Nusrat, Khusbu, Emily and Outlosin

I have just returned from my mom and being back home with my family and seeing the place I was born and the hometown I regained my forces and hope for the better future. I was even happier reading your support and lovely words.
What else can I ask for but this!!! I mean I am really thankful to you all and I believe that one day I will be able to thank you all in person!!!

With respect,
and big thanks for understanding and listening
your truly friend,
Victoria

PS. You are my world!
Great Team !!
Great inspiration!!!

Victoria Vorosciuc
Project Coordinator
"Empowering women to participate
in community life"
WorldPulse Media Corresspondent

JaniceW's picture

You are stronger than you think

Victoria,
I felt so helpless reading your post but then I read all the comments and felt hope. All their advice not only confirms my belief in you as a strong woman but also affirms my faith in the power of the friendships of your VOF sisters. I wont repeat what they have advised but as Khushbu said, we all go through periods of doubt, low self-esteem and questioning our decisions. What I have seen from you in the last year though is your inner strength and fortitude. I have no doubt that given time, you will be able to turn to that inner voice that reminds you of how amazing you are and gives you the strength again to move ahead. Do not get too caught up in the fact you were feeling low as it is because of the lows, we know what happiness is.

Take the time you need to recenter yourself and know that we are all cheering you on and lending a shoulder for you to lean on. After all, that's what sisters are for and we are all here when you need us. Sending you a big hug and looking forward to reading more about your better future. With love,
Janice

Tina's picture

I have only just seen this

Dear Victoria,
Oh! you have taken me back. I have been there!!!

The decision to leave home or country is not an easy one, but sometimes staying is harder. As many have already said there are different opportunities abroad and if you are feeling stuck, perhaps some time overseas might be just exactly what you need. Spending some time away from your homeland doesn't have to be a permanent decision to migrate. You could travel, write, experience life lived elsewhere for a change and then bring back all you have learned to rebuild Moldova and your life the way you wish it was.

However, I'm not sure that this is the path you really want to take anyway? Perhaps a simple change is needed. I find it helps when I am feeling like this, to try to envision the life I'd really like to live. What are the main components? A family nearby, a circle of friends, university study, more prosperity, a house in the country, land for your own, a different job? Which of the things you dream for yourself are most important? By making these lists and beginning to picture how you wish your life could look, it will become much easier to work out a way to make that vision come true.

Here's wishing you all the best
Tina x

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