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Nothing like my Journey!

During these almost four months, I have been thinking about how losing builds character. I’ve got plenty of character by now. This is what I’m thinking after my fifth consecutive loss.

The extra understanding, awesome midwives, mentors and editors could chuckle as I said that. No matter how bad I looked in the Voices Rising section – No work published anywhere, no special mentions, no extra points earned, end of assignment frustration month after month- I am stating that I wouldn’t be anywhere else today.

Ever since I was in high school, I wanted to be a writer, and/or a journalist. I am so proud to be here. I have played hard all these months. I never gave up until the last minute of time was up to be taken into account by our judges. I might not be a winner on the field, but in my heart, I am a winner, as I managed to jump over all the obstacles falling on my feet and standing still.

Everyone will agree with me. When you look at my scoreboard, you may think ‘what a horrible performance’. But I loved writing everything I wrote. I am not going to kid you. I may not have a lot of talent, but I have had a ton of heart. There wasn’t a moment that I gave up, and I’m proud to have been here, doing the job.

I have stepped out of my little dark square called computer into the blinding lights of the new media stream called citizen journalism. At moments, there were bags under my glassy eyes hanging like leather pouches on a white horse because I had been crying.

Sometimes I felt my audience would never be satisfied with me. One moment they looked as if they had just eaten a bad oyster and had to leave for the bathroom: they weren’t there!. Minutes later, when commenting on my piece, they were pale as if they have been told their car has a flat tire: they didn’t know what to say.

And my mind was like an old building. As I had never expected, it seemed smaller to me than ever, it smelled like a bunch of old textiles that have been kept closed; the writing took away the smell of stagnation. It left my brain anew, like a new breeze brings the smell of flowers, so did the writing fill my head with new smells of being alive and vibrant.

There has been one assignment, the Op Ed, which I most dearly engaged in. It was like a man I kissed more passionately than I had expected. And he tasted like wine, heady, full of good taste during the party, and leaving a headache next morning, but I had so much fun writing that the hangover tasted like honey, and by remembering the great ride, I was able to build up strength and walk straight again in the morning.

The results felt like headaches. They arrived on a regular basis, generally once a month, generally after getting to know that I was not selected for anything at all. They felt as if a blacksmith was pounding a railroad spike in my right ear. The medicine, once again, was writing, writing, writing.

Every time I reached the spotlight or the headlines I would feel like Mario, from the popular video game, when he reached a feather that allowed him to fly to the golden coin sky, to harvest the money in the smallest while. I could hear the music, the sound of coins falling inside my pocket, and I felt so good when my family cheered me by looking at my picture, they don’t read English, but were so happy for me that they jumped and hugged me and celebrated my deed with me. Thrilled as a kid with a new toy, I soared like an eagle and felt the warmth of family ties.

I’d like to tell you a little about my brain. It is an amazing organ, infinitely complex and mysterious, although at first glance it resembles nothing more than a large, soft, very wrinkled walnut. Yes, chuckle. It is that small. As the rest of all brains, it is more water than tissue (only one fourth of it is tissue). And the combination of being wrinkled and with little amount of tissue explains why I can describe it as looking like gray Jell-o. Imagine the poor thing: little, soft like jell-o and if you push your finger into the gray sponge it will adhere. No wonder it was hard for it to understand this new writing- for- open- audiences stuff. It was a bit hard for it to process.

So my writing may have sounded like I was playing for a heavy metal band whose music sounds like a lawn mower at full throttle falling through a plate-glass roof into a pile of aluminum pots and pans, but I can assure you: I have had the time of my life tracing my Chinese looking characters into the white dashboards of your reading brain areas.

I just described to you my journey, with ups and downs, with laughter and tears, my building of character after losing so many times and I must tell you that I am ready for winning this time. Like a tall straight tree, full of pink flowers in the middle of a luscious green forest, I stand, ready to go for it. I won’t kill my horse just because it is limping. I am still on the run.

So watch out dear comrades, here I come with my last assignment. I wish to dazzle you with my wits, my heart, my great wording. Wow. It’s coming soon. Be prepared. I have built enough character, now I shall win.

Comments

misscarly's picture

Ah Jackie, Thank you for this

Ah Jackie,

Thank you for this heartfelt piece, full of honesty about the triumphs and disappointments of the writing process. It's not easy, is it? What shines through beyond the disappointment is the passion you have to keep moving forward. Your determination and perseverance have caught my full attention from day one and I'm so happy that you have felt this has been a period of growth for you.

About the writing style in this piece: this is exactly the 'emotional' writing of yours that I believe is so powerful. Your write with a fervor and intensity, mixing in beautiful metaphors that create pictures before my eyes: your mind as an old building, stagnant until the windows were let open. The Op-Ed like kissing a man that tastes like wine. Beautiful!

Take a good dose of the medicine of writing as you prepare to begin the final assignment. We haven't had a chance to discuss your topic yet, but please send me your first thoughts! I'm cheering you on...

love,
carly

jap21's picture

Thank you dear Carly!

I have sent you my thoughts already, please check your inbox.

I am so glad you like this piece. It is an honor for me to have been your labor patient, dear midwife. I hope our friendship lasts so much longer than just this journey.

Kisses, and all my love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

jadefrank's picture

What a beautiful journey it has been

Hi Jackie,

Thank you for sharing your personal journey through VOF with us. I hope that you don't truly feel like a loser, because I think that would be the last word I would use to describe your talent, your progress, your writing and your journey. You have shared so much of your soul, your knowledge, experience and passion with us and we have learned so much from you about life, about love, and most of all, about non-violence and the political situation in Bolivia.

You are one of my favorite bloggers and I look forward to reading each of your journals here on PulseWire. We value you as a friend, as a sister and as an incredible journalist who has been soaring through the VOF program as a winner, not a loser. I hope that you continue to blog here on PulseWire with your edgy writing, where there will be increasing opportunities to be spotlighted on the homepage, published in other newswires, and supported by a great community of women who like you, want to make a positive difference in this world.

Congratulations on your journey and your success! I cannot wait to read your final assignment.

Hugs,
Jade

jap21's picture

I sure will dear Jade

I am so glad you liked my piece and followed my journey. This is it. Having people read me, is like being on top of the world.

I won't leave, girl. I came to stay. Winning or losing are just stages. Writing here means more to me than anything else.

I will be posting my final article soon. Get ready for it. I will fight it to the end! hehehe.

Love and Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Hi Jacquie,

As Carly said this is a 'heartfelt piece'.. I love it so much..admire it so much. I like this determination and elegance of style, sincerity, honesty... Oh I am speechless! You are now flying high high in the sky like a "migratory bird" starting its eternal journey towards glory.

Keep on!

Lots of love and hugs,

Halima

jap21's picture

Dearest Halima!

Soon you will be soaring like me. Just focus and write! I love the good feelings we shared, I miss your sense of humor when you are not around.

Please promise you won't leave me on my own when your stardom reaches new constellations! I am right here, with you.

Hugs and kisses for you.

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Nusrat Ara's picture

Dearest Jackie Your write up

Dearest Jackie

Your write up tugs at ones heartstrings and that means u are clicking. Just remember there is always room for improverment.

You are doing fine and your spirit and never say die attitude makes u specail and precious.

Keep up the faith and the spirit and dont forget to believe in yourself.

Lots and lots of Love.

Nusrat

jap21's picture

Thanks Nusrat

It may seem kind of strange, but my will and determination to do what I have to do in llife, has nothing to do with the credit someone else gives me. Although it would be nice to be recognized, I aim my efforts into making my thoughts be known, my voice be understood.

I know this will take time and patience. I know that many people think it is impossible for someone to live the way I live, or to act non violently, or to be so strangely honest. I have been told many times that it is impossible for someone to be the way I am, so they don't understand what I say.

You see, my legacy has nothing to do with winning or losing . I acknoweldge the importance of saying what I have to say way more than any small obstacle.

Confucius said: ‘I hear, and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand’. To me wisdom speaks to the empowerment involved with taking appropriate action steps, and the right action in this stage of my life, is to write about what is in my mind, express my spirit, leave a literature that can be read by all, heard by some, seen by others, and DONE by at least one.

That is fulfillment for me.

I love your writing dear Nusrat.

Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Sophie's picture

From the heart

Hi Jackie,
I love your writing coz it is just from the heart!!! It is so honest, and you have also been such a support to others in reading and commenting on blogs and here am talking for myself, thanks and keep up!!!

Sister!

Sophie Ngugi
Child of the Universe -www.sophiengugi.blogspot.com

jap21's picture

Thanks dear Sophie

I wish to be by your side at all times. Whenever I can I read everyone's material as much as possible, and you make me think a lot, so it is very important for me to see you, hear you, feel you, so I can understand what you are doing.

Love ya sister!

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

efe's picture

what are you talking about?

Girl, what on earth are you talking about? you are a great writer because you manage to convey what the heart conveys. i dont know how you were judged but in my opinion you write with your heart and that is what counts. waiting to read your bestseller.

jap21's picture

Thanks efe

I will sure launch my bestseller soon. My new training allows me to realize what kind of style I want to use, and what kind of language would suit best to my book.

Thanks for the good wish: may your mouth be blessed and become the teller of the truth for my life.

Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

olakitike's picture

Can't Wait!

I can't wait for both the final assignment AND the bestseller! You article is so open and touching and I admire the courage it must have taken to put yourself right there in the open. I don't see you as a loser and I really do admire you. i admire the fact that you post articles here for us to enjoy apart from the stipulated assignment. My fluctuating internet access doesn't allow me to reply some of your post but I want you to know that they are read and appreciated by ME! Remember the one you did about Joeseph and his dream? that and others have lifted my spirits when I was weighed down. So keep going Jackie, right until that bestseller and even after!

jap21's picture

yey!

I can't wait either. In the dawn of this new beginning, I shall write for you, and all the fans! I wish to fulfill your expectations and am honored to be read by you.

Cheers to the coming best seller!

Love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

vida.olive's picture

jackie!

You're one of my favorite bloggers. I find so much strength in your words. I learn so much from your blogs and i only become more aware of the world. Thank you for your voice. Never stop writing, spreading the truth, and revealing your heart.

paz y amor.
-Gabriela

jap21's picture

Thanks Gabriela

You are one of my newest friends, and am honored to have you following my pieces, that are written with a heart to heart expectation.

I have some new pieces that will be on the blog in the next days, I hope you like them.

Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

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