Final Draft
Dear All,
So much grateful for your comment but I need more assistance kindly help again.
I rewrite, rewrite and rewrite, kindly help again.
Thanks.
Expert say there may be no Nigeria after 2015. Unified Quest 2008, a war games test conducted by United States military in May 2008 was to ascertain how USA military will respond to war in parts of Africa including Nigeria. www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=14783
In an article written by Mr. Daniel Volman, Director of the African Research Project in Washington DC, the Nigerian situation was of the predicate for possible war in 2013.
Therefore, plan to create a new military command for Africa; Unites States Africa Command, 2013 war date according to the article was a test of how AFRICOM could respond to crisis in Nigeria in even of rival or rebels fight in Niger Delta.
In retrospect, the US predicted the imminent break up of Nigeria in 2005, was vehemently criticized by our leaders.
The incessant and sporadic outburst of rebels under different guises in Nigeria under calls for sober reflection and transparency because lack of respect for constituted authority, distrust and violence is a signal of total collapse of any nation.
The latest display by an Islamic fundamentalist led by a 39 year old Jihadist, Mohammed Yusuf in Northern part of Nigeria. Boko Haram means ‘No to Western Education’ and total Sharia in Nigeria with 48% Christians!
It is pertinent to note that every utterance, act and move of Nigerian leaders indicate that in the last twenty years, Nigerian leaders are unequivocally saying no to western education and its outgrowth; such as potable water, constant source of electricity, infrastructural, educational sector and medical facilities advancement.
Yusuf Mohammed was a sorcerer patronized by power hungry politicians, he had more than 540,000 followers, rumored he could float, suspend mid air while meditating. He cruised about in latest car not manufactured by his faith, had a computer set and manufactures ammunition in a mosque.
Boko Haram had been in existence since 1995, alleged that 80 kilometers of land was allotted to them in Borno State used to train rebels. There were twenty one security reports issued by the security agencies. A three page letter, with reference number26/PERS/13/2009 dated July 15, written to the governor titled; threatening situation to peace and security of the state posed by Mohammed Yusuf and his disciples, but was ignored.
Militants from Niger Delta become millionaires from monies generated through ransom from kidnapping job. Militants demand Bayelsa sovereign nation. Presently playing hides and seeks with Amnesty.
Oodua People’s Congress from the West is clamoring for Yoruba state; the Eastern brethren want Biafra nation and factional leaders ready to segregate but forget to generate leaders for the pieces.
Leaders undermine and continuously work to eliminate sources of western education and civilization a painful indication that they are inadvertently declaring no to western education. Important infrastructures like good roads, education, the best Nigerian University is not among the World top 6,000 universities, potable water, and power supply are outgrowth of western education.
Power supply is the worst hit with 148million Nigerians managing 1000mega watts; we eagerly await the presidential miracle of December 2009 promise fulfilled of generation of 6000mega watts.
Companies like Unilever, Dunlop, OK foods, Schlumberger moved the administrative heads to Ghana, warehouse in Nigeria. Manufacturing Association of Nigeria deduces that 820 manufacturing firms were forced out of business in the past eight years-the cost of diesel for generators is prohibitive.
Nigerians do not expect our leaders to keep goatie beards and wear three quarter trousers like Jihadists before we understand their ideals, attitudes of our leaders speak volume.
Nigeria leaders are hypocritical by nature, hate criticism from respectable world citizens; it is high time nations all over the world joined hands with outspoken Nigerians to expose corrupt practices, we demand accountability from public office holders, it is of public concern we want no war!
Utterances of Mrs. Clinton caused unsettled ripples on August 12, 2009 but our leaders took the right step afterwards, sacred cows in banks were sacked, slumbering Economic Financial Crime woke up.
Well meaning world citizens should assist Nigerian activists to set up camera and spy on our leaders, video evidenced of August 7, 2009 showed Mohammed Yusuf in chains while minutes later he was killed in gun duel! Foul play.









Comments
War
War is over us, among us and inside of us. The real problem is that to take it out, we need to do a very fine work. Will it happen someday? Will we be able to take violence out of mouths and actions? We surely need to begin somewhere. We need to render war UNACCEPTABLE.
You are brave to have pronounced yourself about it now. Go on. One by one, the change will become real. But the real change, of HEART AND SPIRIT, not just about words.
Love,
Jackie
Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
Cel. 591-77176780
Brave?
My dear friend, do not talk about bravery, I am thinking of removing my picture NOW. World Pulse has not made any provision for life insurance in case of accidental discharge from unknown soldier or a drunk trailer running over me! LOL.
We say no to war in whatever form in Africa and the world because it affects women and children MOST.
Thanks
Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale (Prevent Child Sexual Assault)
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria
https://www.facebook.com/olutosin?ref=tn_tnmn#!/olutosin
Editorial Feedback
Olutosin,
Sorry it's taken me a bit to respond with some editorial feedback. Here's what I think:
What is "your" opinion? This piece needs more of your voice. I see a lot of facts, especially at the top, that are better sprinkled throughout. Mostly, your Op-Ed is begging for you voice. These are the places where I hear your voice. So you need to start and keep this point throughout the entire Op-Ed, peppering it with the factual information.
Your voice is clear here. Capitalize on that:
---The incessant and sporadic outburst of rebels under different guises in Nigeria under calls for sober reflection and transparency because lack of respect for constituted authority, distrust and violence is a signal of total collapse of any nation.
---Well meaning world citizens should assist Nigerian activists to set up camera and spy on our leaders,
--- it is high time nations all over the world joined hands with outspoken Nigerians to expose corrupt practices, we demand accountability from public office holders, it is of public concern we want no war!
So if I understand the piece correclty, you are trying to push the point that the rest of the world needs to get involved and Nigeria needs because there might be no Nigeria by 2015. Is that correct? Or a variation of that - Nigeria is about to collapse.
If you are trying to say either of these then say it simple and clear - Nigeria may collapse by 2015, and nobody's doing anyting about it. Then support this opinion. Still with your experience and opinion though - Nobody's helping them. Country X isn't stepping in, they did this and that. Country y isn't here, they are doing this and that. People need to spy on them with cameras. This is why, And so on and so forth. State your opinion. Then back it up. Opinion - backup - opinion - backup..... to the end. Keep those stats light throughout. I want to hear your voice ringing through loud and clear.
Hope that helps. Also, the grammer is a little rough. If you want me or could have someone proofread it to get the grammatical structure more legible, that would really make a difference in helping me understand where you're going here.
As always, these are just my opinions.
THANKS SO MUCH
Dear Leslie
I feel so relieved to read your comments and I really appreciate your effort at helping me and I BEG YOU NOT TO DESIST, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN IN YOUR CAPACITY TO ASSIST ME. I have made some improvements , can you be chanced to assist once again, do not hesitate to proofread.
THANKS SO MUCH.
BEYOND 2015
Expert say there may be no Nigeria after 2015. Unified Quest 2008, a war games test conducted by United States military in May 2008 was to ascertain how USA military will respond to war in parts of Africa including Nigeria. www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=14783
Nigeria may collapse by 2015 yet nobody is doing anything about it, a failed nation where desperation of the poor will eventually deprive the rich of their comfort especially through the new thriving kidnapping enterprise.
In an article written by Mr. Daniel Volman, Director of the African Research Project in Washington DC, the Nigerian situation was of the predicate for possible war in 2013.
Therefore, plan to create a new military command for Africa; Unites States Africa Command, 2013 war date according to the article was a test of how AFRICOM could respond to crisis in Nigeria in even of rival or rebels fight in Niger Delta.
The US predicted the imminent break up of Nigeria in 2005 but was vehemently criticized by our leaders.
The incessant and sporadic outburst of rebels under different guises in Nigeria under calls for sober reflection and transparency because lack of respect for constituted authority, distrust and violence is a signal of total collapse of any nation.
The latest display by an Islamic fundamentalist led by a 39 year old Jihadist, Mohammed Yusuf in Northern part of Nigeria. Boko Haram means ‘No to Western Education’ and total Sharia in Nigeria with 48% Christians!
Yusuf Mohammed was a sorcerer patronized by power hungry politicians, he had more than 540,000 followers. He cruised about in latest car not manufactured by his faith, had a computer set and manufactures ammunition in a mosque.
Boko Haram had been in existence since 1995, alleged that 80 kilometers of land was allotted to them in Borno State used to train rebels. There were twenty one security reports issued by the security agencies. A three page letter, with reference number26/PERS/13/2009 dated July 15, written to the governor titled; threatening situation to peace and security of the state posed by Mohammed Yusuf and his disciples, but was ignored.
Every utterance, act and move of Nigerian leaders indicate that in the last twenty years, Nigerian leaders are unequivocally saying no to western education and its outgrowth; such as potable water, constant power supply etc.
Fractional war from East, North, South and West, militants from Niger Delta become emergency millionaires demanding Bayelsa sovereign nation. Presently playing hides and seeks with Amnesty.
Oodua People’s Congress from the West is clamoring for Yoruba state; the Eastern brethren want Biafra nation and factional leaders ready to segregate but forget to generate leaders for the pieces.
Leaders undermine and continuously work to eliminate sources of western education and civilization a painful indication that they are inadvertently declaring no to western education.
Nigerians do not expect our leaders to keep goatie beards and wear three quarter trousers like Jihadists, attitudes of our leaders speak volume. The best Nigerian University is not among the World top 6,000 universities, yet lecturers strike enters the third month.
Power supply is the worst hit with 148million Nigerians managing 1000mega watts; we eagerly await the presidential miracle of December 2009 promise fulfilled of generation of 6000mega watts.
Companies like Unilever, Dunlop, OK foods, Schlumberger moved the administrative heads to Ghana, warehouse in Nigeria. Manufacturing Association of Nigeria deduces that 820 manufacturing firms were forced out of business in the past eight years-expenses on generators are prohibitive.
Nigeria leaders are hypocritical by nature, it is high time world citizens joined hands with outspoken Nigerians to expose corrupt leaders, we demand accountability from public office holders, information transparency not war!
Utterances of Mrs. Clinton caused unsettled ripples on August 12, 2009 but our leaders took the right step afterward, sacred cows in banks were sacked, slumbering Economic Financial Crime woke up.
Nigerian Human Rights crusaders have drawn their swords never to them sheathe again; spy and expose corrupt leaders, we declare war on opaque governance, provision of video evidences will change the situation. Imagine Yusuf Mohammed shown captured alive and chained, minutes later killed in gun duel, video recording saved the day; he was killed to cover tracks of his sponsors.
Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale (Prevent Child Sexual Assault)
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria
https://www.facebook.com/olutosin?ref=tn_tnmn#!/olutosin
Follow up to our Skypae chat
Olutosin,
It was great Skyping with you this morning! As we discussed, Leslie gave you spot on feedback. Building on that, here are my recommendations:
(opening statement)
Nigeria may collapse by 2015, and nobody's doing anything about it. Violence runs rampant across the country. Militants in the delta have more ammunition than the military. Tribes compete for corrupt power. Senators make 45 million Nairas, the equivalent of $300K USD, while 75% of the country lives in abject poverty. The education system is in disarray, leaving youth with no support system or road map to create a better future. Everywhere I turn, I see a nation in rapid decline. How do we even begin to pick up the pieces?
First, Olutosin’s opinion plus evidence.
Second, Olutosin’s opinion plus evidence.
Third, Olutosin’s opinion plus evidence.
Fourth, Olutosin’s opinion plus evidence.
Conclusion: how the rest of the world can help and the outcomes. What does Nigeria look like?
Here are your opinions that you shared with me:
Rebuild the infrastructure
Invest in education
Create checks and balances
Provide a climate ripe for foreign investment. For example, why did Unilever and the multinationals leave? Too much violence and corruption? What was impact when they moved their offices to Ghana? Loss of jobs?
What I find powerful about this format is that you are focusing on common sense solutions rather than simply pointing the finger, which as we discussed potentially places you in danger. It shows a way forward. Bravo!
Jennifer Ruwart
Founder and CEO
Moyo Jasiri
comments from Leslie and Jennifer
Dear Olutosin:
The op ed you are working on is getting more and more clear and focused. Leslie has given you the central theme of the whole piece, (*below) and Jennifer fleshed it out in the opening statement and given you a structure to try and follow. I think there is excellent advice here from both women, so just take your time and as you write, check back with these suggestions to be sure you are following the format they are suggesting --- opinion plus evidence. Also, realize that you may not be able to get all the facts and information that you have into your piece. Stick to what is most important to you.
*So if I understand the piece correclty, you are trying to push the point that the rest of the world needs to get involved and Nigeria needs because there might be no Nigeria by 2015. Is that correct? Or a variation of that - Nigeria is about to collapse."
Good luck, you are doing fine and I am so proud of you for reaching out for help.
As always,
MaNatalie
NatalieS
Changes
Olutosin,
Glad to hear the feedback helped. Your revised draft looks very similar to your first one, with very few structural changes. Let me know if you think going over the piece via Skype would be more helpful. We can walk through the piece, graph by graph and talk about what information is needed where, why and how to get it there.
Or, I can make some changes to you piece and attach it in the Track Changes program so you can see what was changed. But I think it would be more beneficial to you to make those changes yourself and for us to go over this on the phone.
Let me know.
Leslie
READY
Thanks Leslie,
I am ready whenever you are on skype and luckily for me, I will be on skype today so we can work together.
THANKS SO MUCH.
Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale (Prevent Child Sexual Assault)
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria
https://www.facebook.com/olutosin?ref=tn_tnmn#!/olutosin