FIRST DRAFT OF MY OP-ED

Good work !Like the way you have linked history and current issues. I also like the way your opEd flows.I don't know if this will sound right but my little observation is that, I could have loved to hear if there are changes been made to stop the killing and what changes you could implore or want to see. Thats just my thoghts, please don't mind if my observation isn't making any sense, cause we are all learning.

Best of Luck.

Nusrat, YOU DID IT AGAIN!

This is such a good way to unfold our eyes into a dramatic situation. I know the feeling of not knowing who is the real killer or who really defends me.

This is the way we should all be writing: directly.

One of these days, someone from my country or my continent, will explode and talk about how NOT to write about the same issues that happen around us.

Thanks for this awesome work.

Love,

Jackie

What an interesting and unique way to come at this topic...by talking about how the "officials" want to use exorcism to quell their own fears and misgivings and evil (that they are creating) it also humanizes them - which is critical. This piece makes it clear that we are all human beings, that human beings are the ones who are creating the suffering and as human beings we (and they) can help solve it.

The beginning examples were a little hard to understand for those who aren't familiar with the references, but they just need a little tightening up - they are a wonderful way to express the chaos and suffering.

Great job of expressing a complicated point of view.

Dear Nusrat,

Certainly, you have drafted a compelling piece - I read your purpose, your anger, your opinion. There is a clear sense of mystery and madness, of injustice and treachery, of motive and methodology. I feel your pain and frustration - and you've expressed yourself, especially in the second part, with a poetry of words and rhythm.

For reference, I've been listening to Katie Orenstein's Q&A. I would like to match one of her bright points with your piece: Source of credibility/accountability of knowledge/what you know/how you know it: Yes, you are the witness = your life experience is your credibility = can you bring yourself into the piece? Also, I suggest that, if you quote the media, try to give the newspaper's name and/or their source's name.

When I look at your piece, I see two parts - one based on anonymous sources and bits of history, and one based on emotion. I wonder, for the purpose of the Op-Ed, if you can blend them in some fashion? - which would then empower and balance your entire piece.

Looking forward, love -

Emily

Hey Nusrat, a little editorial feedback here.

This is an excellent piece with great info. I can hear you loud and clear but it's written in such a way that your opinion is buried. Nothing a little restructuring and tweaking won't fix.

So, bottom line is, I can hear you loud and clear. But the reader can't. If I'm understanding your opnion (in basic form) it's that: Kashmir legislators are using excorsims instead of doing their jobs. Right?

Your lede needs to get that out there, and quick. You've got all the supporting info. already. You just need to say what you mean. Then keep supporting it.

Your first graph can stay pretty much the same with some tweaking:

Exorcism: A term that takes you in ancient times but surprisingly is alive in today’s time as well. ++++Instead of polititians doing their jobs, they're calling on higher powers in different realms to untagle their messes +++++

Recently the newspapers in Kashmir reported that the legislative complex in Indian administered Kashmir has been exorcised of ‘evil spirits’. ‘After Chief Minister Omar Abdullah’s resignation on July 28, and unprecedented scenes of chaos in the assembly, officials of ++the++ Kashmir assembly organized a religious ritual to ward off the ‘evil,’ reported a newspaper. +++An anonymous official said “Since the new complex was thrown open last year, unprecedented incidents have been happening in the house”.

YOUR OPINION AGAIN REINFORCED- +++But it didn't stop there. Officials kept at it with more demon-expelling worked into the legislature with the regularity of morning briefings, etc.++++
The new complex held its first session on July 7 last year and the same day the then Chief Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad was forced to resign over the Amarnath land row. The assembly was dissolved soon after. After the new elections in November-December last year the new government had its sessions in the winter capital Jammu

KEEP REMINDING THE READER OF YOUR POINT. Doesn't have to be so obvious that you drop it on their heads or anything, but just remind them of what you're reinforcing. We readers have short-term memory issues.

Lastly, don't forget to get that punch in at the end with a strong emphasis of your opinion. You lead up to it perfectly with:

My land has seen death and destruction ......

A land where one can be arrested, tortured and even killed .....

It is a land where people are killed for protesting peacefully. A land where little boys with stones in their hands are showered with bullets and smoke canisters aimed strategically at their heads. A land where civilians are picked and killed in staged gun battles, to be passed off as insurgents. Then policemen share the booty for killing an insurgent. A land of inhuman torture which have left some dead and others scared for life. A land of custodial killings. A land of divided families.

YOUR OPINION HERE. - This is why politicians need to pick up pens instead of (sceptors? whatever they use in those exorcism) and stop transfering their shortcomings onto concrete blocks and anthropomophic chairs. (Whatever, you know what your opinion is. Really cool piece though. I learned something today).

Leslie

hey Nusrat,

I love your passion in what you write... Honestly, you are a credible source and I know that when you are done, the piece will be great.

Great job!!

All the best in that....

Love