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Not matter how much you love your man; never think of cutting his hands

Not matter how much you love your man; never think of cutting his hands

“Women should choose what their men wear, polish their shoes and make sure all is in order before they leave the house’ commented Natasha .A guest in a fashion talk show sebuleni. She added, when the man in your life accompany you looking scruffy, the question is not about him but about you. And the question is always ``why are you dating a wrong guy?’’

Natasha is not the only woman to proclaim publicity that women should wash their men’s stuff. As well as their inner wear. That a woman should pack for him when he is traveling from the onset of their marriage. That a acquiescent wife mind not to pack some `jwara’ incase her jamaas get thirty and tempted to eat forbidden goodies. How amusing? It is the role of a woman to take over all house work and grooming, and dress her man when she marries the man, right? Wrong!

They know no better

The reason woman goes along with this script is that many of us do not know any better. We grew up watching our fathers .The men never moved their hand as far as their stuff was concerned. They comfortably cleaned their noses and leave the dirty cloth, for the woman to clean. And the women did so passively and contently. All men did for themselves was bath, which they properly found tasking and skipped days.

Our fathers never set foot in the kitchen, not ever for a glass of water .The man would be seated on his throne, the particular daddy’s couch in the sitting room, that no one dared sit on and would call his wife from the bedroom, to come pour him a cup of tea from a flask that was right under his nose, or switch on the television. Spiteful, isn’t it? No! That was the norm. And that’s then!

The woman obliged dutifully. Our mothers would tell us to cook for our brothers and warm it up when they needed a second helping .We observed the irrefutable division of the roles and internalized it .So when we start dating, we are only too eager to prove to our boyfriends that we are wife material. When you visit him in his bachelor abode, you make a fuss of tidying it up. ‘This table is caked with dust and oh! Darling, how do you sleep in this nasty bed, let me air your blankets the song continues….darling you should have told me you have dirty dishes, I would have come running”

He soon realize there’s no need for paying for the exertion, for you will sweat blood to see that you clean his clothes, cook his food and scrub his floor .Soon he get the idea that a woman, girlfriend or wife is only as good as her housekeeping skills, marriage becomes an extension even an upgrade of the dating, so that the more you do, the better wife you are.

The more nails you break cleaning his clothes and other house chores, the more useful you get .And as a noble helper, you even polish his shoes. Before long the guy learn to leave his hands in the office or at the pub where they are loyally needed.

The question is not how much a man does at home but how much he does for himself. It is less a question of household chores and roles more an issue of self –reliance. Liberated men are self dependant and are not so fastidious about traditional roles. They see their wives as human beings .Part of them. Not a working machine, which just need a couple of minutes servicing when she retires to bed bones all aching. It is unhealthy to have another person as your crutch. Close -minded men should learn to do things, at least something, for your own good. Can today’s life work if we follow yesterday’s rules? No

check for example in developed countries a man will fix a meal without feeling emasculated and the woman will bring home the bacon without mourning the days when men were the sole providers. Shopping around supermarkets in Nairobi, one fail not to note liberation of some nairobians, as men push trolleys full of shopping, others arrogantly load their frontage with a good baby carrier.

Most of the women drive straight home, or pass a joint for coffee with friends, after work, while their men pass through the super to do some shopping. Isn’t this change we can believe in?

My friend Martin, intimated to me that men fear marrying learned, highly ranking women, not because men are intimidated by them, but because these women have neither the time nor the desire or aptitude to spoil them.

I attended a function recently, one guy said he can not and repeated cannot raise up to pick a drink. Obviously he was aggressively opposed and attacked by all the ladies who were present. But when he tabled his reasons, we all calmed down and submissively served him whatever he asked for. He belongs to the era of a woman must do all for me! Regrettably he has refused to change with age and annoyingly think, like his wife all women should run to his service.

It is the high time men stopped looking at house chores as the women’s tuft, it is somewhat demeaning for a man. Like Nairobians, men should start thinking of their own independence. By all means, a couple should do things for each other but also each should do things for him or herself. And each should carry own weight.


aliĝngix's picture

I agree with this! After all,

I agree with this! After all, carrying your own weight makes it less tiring for just the one or female persons in the home, so their is more time to spend on activities you like, or to spend time as a family!
Learning this is important, because if you are too used to on way, you become dependent, addicted.
Thanks for sharing your views on this.
This should be a proverb--sounds like one!
"Don't cut off a man's hands!"

giftypearl.abenaab's picture


This is a beautiful article. i like the way you beefed the article with examples.
There are few men who because of their orientation have come to undertsnad that managing the home, cleaning, cooking, washing etc is a joint respnosbility.

I think upbringing of children should be done in such a way that both girls and boys learn to do household chores and take care of themselves. I believe that if parents are able to raise children this way we can change the traditional "norm".

i must confess that i am glad you have raise this on this community.


Gifty Pearl Abenaab
Greight Foundation

Nusrat Ara's picture

You are right. And it is the

You are right. And it is the women who can make a good beginning by making no distinction between their sons and daughters and the roles they play right from early childhood.


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