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I love You

I love you

To all the women who have been raped or sexually molested

Allow me to share with you how you can heal yourself. The effects are wide and varied and can last a lifetime but they can be alleviated. The primary effect this will have on you is that it totally shatters your self esteem. You may not even be aware of this, but by noticing your behaviour and becoming fully conscious of your actions, you will see where you are going wrong and can make changes for the better.

Practice affirmations - look in the mirror in the mornings when you wake up and before you go to bed at nights and tell yourself who you are, based on your ideal self. For example, I am talented, I am beautiful and so on, until you really believe it and are acting in like manner.

Feed the spirit. Join the nearest library or buy books on autobiographies of successful people who you admire, motivational books or self-help books on craft or skills that you are interested in. Find your passion. Avoid the trashy magazines and the negative news. If you have access to the internet, block all junk emails and only read those which uplift you. Subscribe to empowerment magazines such as Listen to good music. It has a powerful influence.

Write a journal about what happened and how you felt and keep writing about your progress, your goals and what you are grateful for. If someone finds it and reads it, that’s O. K. Remember you have done nothing wrong.

Carry yourself with grace. When you walk in the streets, hold your head up high like a proud woman because you have nothing to be ashamed off. Dress cleanly and modestly. Clean your shoes, body, hair and teeth. Wear bright coloured comfortable clothing that accentuates your assets and comfortable shoes too, not to attract attention but to feel good about yourself. Keep your surroundings clean and neat and wear a smile, after all, it’s the most important thing that you will wear.

Make sure you are in the right company. Only spend time with friends who are very supportive. Seek out older and wiser people who can assist you, listen to you or give you advice, who do not wish to take advantage of you. Avoid people who put you down, even if they are family members.

Take good care of your health. Exercise and eat a balanced diet. Avoid overeating/binging, drugs, alcohol, or multiple partners. These only fill you up from outside and leave you feeling empty. They are only temporary. Don’t bang the furniture or appliances, you only end up bruising yourself. Decorate your home with cheerful colours and your favourite ornaments. Buy or send yourself flowers sometimes.

Meditate, pray, practice yoga or deep breathing exercises to stay in the present and to relax. Worrying only makes you wrinkled and look older than your years. Pamper yourself. Get (do) frequent massages, facials, manicures and pedicures. Take long hot baths. Eat at the best restaurants and have your favourite home-cooked meals as often as you wish. You are worth it.

Get as much education as you can to climb up the social ladder so that you can be financially independent. You are more vulnerable when you are unemployed. Develop a positive working attitude. Start your own business or get to work on time and do your best. You can get promoted. Women are astronauts, scientists and pilots. There is nothing that we can’t do. You deserve it.

When you go shopping, buy quality products that will last for a long time. Avoid the sales and buy only what you need.

Consider having children when your five senses are alert, especially your feelings, otherwise you might abuse them. Its difficult to be selfless if you are not nurturing yourself. You can experiment with pets or plants at first. You’ll know if you are ready if they thrive. If you choose not to have any, that’s O.K too.

Forgive those who hurt you. Write him/them a letter/s, call them on the telephone or say “I forgive you, (call his name if you know it) peace be with you”, aloud every time the memory comes up, until all the anger is gone. It’s more about you than it is about him/them.

Use putty/clay and beat the hell out of him/them.

If you have lost your authentic voice, join/start an organization in your community and speak up. Set firm limits. Say “Don’t touch me”, if men touch you at the workplace or anywhere. That is sexual harassment.

Cry if you feel like it, it is a natural part of the healing process. Remember to laugh too. Don’t give up on love, it really exist. Follow your intuition and you’ll know when the right person comes along. One day your soul will open and you’ll experience unspeakable joy.

Peace and love.

P.S.I chose not to focus on women in war or conflict areas because that would exclude so many women.
According to the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) in "The Case For Advancing Women in the Global Marketplace" - Snapshot of women worldwide:facts and figures", estimate, 1 in 5 women will become a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime.


JaniceW's picture


Anette, I think we should all print this out and hang it where we will see it every day. It's a wonderful reminder to believe in ourselves and of the potential in all of us. Thank you for these inspiring words which I know many will appreciate.

jap21's picture

Thank you Anette

This is the kind of article that I thank God for in my everyday life. You just uplifted my self esteem. And we all need to do that from time to time, as human beings always have some kind of issue that will take their self esteem down.

You have a beautiful soul. Thanks for showing it up here.



Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America

Maria de Chirikof's picture


Would you be interested in having these on our pamphlet idea? We are still working on the basic idea since we hope to do both a web page and printable pamphlets that can be distributed to more remote areas. It is still in the planning stages but we will be posting it and getting comments, stories and suggestions in the VOF Fans area sometime soon. I have just picked up some pamphlets to look over for design, word count, etc. and once Olutosin and I decide on 'the look' we will be posting it there to get feedback and stories. Yours is one we would love to have for positive healing. There are a couple of woman who will be taking a part in it too so all are welcome since I can imagine the more diversity we have the better we can reach other woman!


enDhruva's picture


Hi Maria,
I'm being nosy here but what is your and Olutosin's pamphlet idea? Just curious. :-)
~Erin Dhruva

Maria de Chirikof's picture

The idea

We were talking on one thread, or a couple at the same time I think, and I had mentioned I can understand how hard it is to talk about such things and mentioned when the Alaskans were being Americanized and how hard it was for them to tell about what was wrong so the hospital made a bunch of pamphlets about things from lungs, sexually transmitted diseases, to colds and such and the person could sit in the room waiting for the doctor and grab the ones they were there for and leave them for the doctor to see. Sometimes it is hard when cultures first meet to be understood so this was what they did to help make it easier to talk about personal stuff like that. I was telling Olutosin how she was free to use any of my journals she thought would help to help these woman find some words to get started talking. It evolved to trying to write some pamphlets ourselves where we can both share stories of many woman and give them a base line, of sorts, to compare their experiences with where they can say something like 'No, not quite like that more like...' since each woman is different and experiences it differently.

All are welcome to join in since we know the best way to reach woman is to have a variety of stories to show it is very common and that it can get better and to find someone to talk to about it. I picked up some pamphlets since our idea is to have it in both a web page and a printable version where it can be shown to woman in more rural areas too.

I think I read where VOF Fans is going to be merged with Pulsewire Lounge soon so we might just do it there instead of the VOF Fans area. I think it is easier to have some idea of the layout and word count for everyone who wants to contribute to it so we haven't created a Post yet. Several woman will be taking part in it once we get it going so you have not missed anything about it yet and can still be in on the beginning of it. I think it is important to help the woman to heal to either talk to someone about it or write if talking face to face is hard for them. So our goal is to help show them other woman who have survived and how they felt so they can begin finding their own words and know that the feelings of 'whatever" do pass in time and it does get better.

If you have any more questions you can ask either me or Olutosin!


enDhruva's picture


Wow, what a wonderful idea! It seems like such a needed service and product. I would love to be a part of it. I can contribute some pieces about self-care since that is what I am trying to develop for my own business. I will be on the look out for the continuation of this project.

You guys are awesome! :-)


Anette Leslie's picture

Sure Maria, I`d be

Sure Maria,

I`d be honoured.

Thank you Janice and Jackie.


Nusrat Ara's picture

This is really wonderful

This is really wonderful


olutosin's picture


Love you darling for this, we all are survivors and we have survived.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town


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