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I need help: my husband is jealous ... of the internet

Surprisingly enough, he had been happy for me when I got the call to be a correspondent. He was always telling me how happy he was for me. Until he exploded: 'You don't pay any attention to me anymore! I will destroy your computer! I am the first husband to be beaten by a computer! This instrument of malicious separation from my wife! All these were more or less his words.

No, it is not just any freak, it is indeed, MY HUSBAND.

I smiled at him, I hugged him, I said sweet words, and he calmed down.

What can I say? What do I do?

What do you think?

Help me. Please.

Comments

Kizzie's picture

I think you should introduce

I think you should introduce him to the computer!
What are his interests? There are a lot of forums for women and men or men to meet and discuss any topic. You should tell him how the internet is a perfect place for self-development! If you share with us his interests, we can find something for him.

He should join World Pulse!

jap21's picture

Dear Kizzie

There is a small problem: He doesn't speak English ... at all!

But it is a good idea to find him something to do in the internet. He's not very much a hobby man, though. He likes, well let's see, math (not kidding, he loves math), soccer, chess, his job. That is it.

Thanks for the idea. Let's see what can be worked out.

Best,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

sunita.basnet's picture

Apply this formula

Jackie, I think Kizzie is right. Tell him to join world pulse. I think he will enjoy this network, isn't it Kizzie?
When he will start blogging in the World pulse, you will be jealous of him. hehheheh.

Seriously, let’s find out why he is Jealous of you because he didn't get chance to use computer or he also want to join our network. May be you need to spend some time with your family. Take care of your family too.

You have answer of yourself. Your sweet words are sufficient to him so speak sweet words. Once we have a guest speaker program in our university, she was from hotel Agrabad and said "remember in the future, if any of your husband’s tries to distract you to succeed in your life, smile in front of them. You smile will help to forget their anger."

So I suggest you to speak sweet words and smile in front of him. I think your problem will solve if not please let us know. We will find something else to solve your problem.

With Love and Regards
Sunita Basnet

jap21's picture

Thanks so much!

Just a half hour ago, I did exactly that, and it worked! He smiled back.

Thanks sister!

Best,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

sunita.basnet's picture

You Welcome

Sister,
Great, It work. I think sister, he will understand you and support your work.
Don't forget to give sometimes with your family.
Hugs

With Love and Regards
Sunita Basnet

JaniceW's picture

Balance

dear Jackie, I see this more and more in families where "work" becomes consuming and takes one person away from the family. I think a good starting point would be to place yourself in his shoes. Consider how much time you spend on the computer and whether any things have been forsaken because of the time you are dedicating to the computer. Now, imagine your husband spending that much time with friends (or at work) away from you, and some of his tasks being left undone. Does this change the picture? Would you feel the same way as he does?

He is going through a myriad of emotions as he is losing a part of you. I recommend that you sit down together and try to resolve this as a couple. He might need to rethink how he views your time on the computer and see it as unpaid professional development that will help you in future endeavours. You may need to reconsider how much time you are on the computer and decide if perhaps you are leaving him feeling neglected. In the end, I feel it will only be resolved by coming up with a solution together. You may receive some wonderful advice through this forum but I feel you need to sit down and work it out as a couple, so that both of you feel that you have contributed to the solution. Best wishes....

jap21's picture

You are right

I will start this kind of approach to the problem this week. It is going to take some time, but we will make it.

Thanks so, but sooo much for your ideas.

Love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

JaniceW's picture

Math

hey Jackie, if he likes math (which I do too) then he might like the website math.com. I'm not sure what level he is at so this may be too basic for him although they do go into some advanced formulas and tables. There are also math games which would not require a knowledge of English and can be a fun distraction. In the meantime, I love Sunita's suggestion of a smile. Big hug,
Janice

jap21's picture

Thanks

I'll check it out right now.

Best,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Martha's picture

You Did Just Right

Hi Jackie

I think your response was just right, to place him at ease and acknowledge his concern. Did you discuss what made him feel that way and how you could help each other overcome the perceptions?

Take care
Martha

Let's have women back in gender

jap21's picture

Not yet

I will do it over the week. With all the input I've had from all of you, my beautiful friends, I am sure we will work it out.

Best,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

ENIE NDOH CECILE's picture

Dialogue

Hey Jacky,
I do acknowledge Janice advice. I understand the computer can be very obsessive when we have a lot to do, sometimes we forget we have not even eaten, but as a wife you need to put your priorities first which I belief is your family, as a wife and mother you have the responsibility of satisfying your family.

Perhaps with your involvement with World Pulse you are presently more preoccupied with the computer. You should know better how both of you lived your lives before now, for I guess he wouldn't react as such if things actually have not changed, so please my advice is you should have control over your time, making sure your family’s interest stays atop.

Then dialogue with your husband so he can understand that the time you spend with your family if it was 9hrs would be reduced because you are kind of involve in this interesting forum. Fill him in with the new ideas you gather or what you intend to share. If you think language is a barrier for him to join World Pulse then you can get his own opinions and ideas and share and inform him on any reactions.

Above all don't cutoff entirely or limit too much of the time you people share together as family, for the comparison Janice gave is rational, for if he had been the one in your shoes you might have felt the same way.
Good luck and please extend our kind regards to your husband.

jap21's picture

Thank you Cecile

First of all, I want to congratulate you on the new photograph, you look really cute! Wow! and sexy too!

Then I want to let you know that I take your words into account very much. You are totally right, and will do my best to try to get there.

Love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

ENIE NDOH CECILE's picture

All the best

Jacky,
Thanks for the compliment and i wish you all the best in your present family situation and i'm confident everything will be back to normal.
Cheers

JaniceW's picture

Love the new picture

Cecile, it's so nice to see your new picture. I enjoy how everyone is updating their images. Best wishes,
Janice

ENIE NDOH CECILE's picture

Thanks...

Dear Janice,
Thanks for the compliment.
Best Wishes,
Cecile

Jackie,

First, I want to honor you for sharing this intimate detail of your home life with us. I imagine many us are facing the same "jealousy" from our spouses/partners. I love that once again we get to support and learn from each other.

My time on the computer was a sore spot between Shawn and I for a long time. It was bad enough how much I was on it, but add to the fact that I could not be on it and listen, too? Oy. And to Jonah, my white laptop is a distraction from him that can cause the most impressive of tantrums.

For over a year, my commitment to Shawn and Jonah has been to restrict my Internet time to after Jonah goes to sleep. The irony is that since then Shawn has started gaming, so it is now I who am jealous of his time on the computer. :-)

I know you two will come up with a compromise that meets both your needs. Blessings to you both.

Love,
Jennifer

p.s. Also, don't forget that your husband can post in Spanish and the community can use the Google translate feature!

Jennifer Ruwart
Chief Collaborator
JR Collaborations

sunita.basnet's picture

I agree with Jennifer

I agree with Jennifer,

Last time when I talked with Jennifer, Jonah was distracting her sometimes asking juice and sometimes he wants to talk with me. Isn't it Jennifer?

When we spend more time in computer, people often become jealous of us not only our family member but also our friends. My university has provide me laptop and internet facility till I am in Bangladesh. But our dormates and friends ask unnecesary questions. I smile at them and said if you join worldpulse and apply for next program you will also get laptop to use from the university. They are interested to join but the problem is, our exam is coming soon. Hence they decide to apply after the exams, which will finish on june 24.

I think one best way is to request jackie's husband to join our network. Jackie, I believe, you will be the first couple to join this network . Isn't it Jennifer?
Hugs all of you

With Love and Regards
Sunita Basnet

Who needs Barak and Michelle? We'll take Jackie and hubby any day!

Jennifer Ruwart
Chief Collaborator
JR Collaborations

Jennifer Ruwart's picture

PS

Jonah says hi!

Jennifer Ruwart
Chief Collaborator
JR Collaborations

jap21's picture

Say hi to Jonah for me

And hug him a lot, give him lots of kisses, TELL him they come from me! God, I like this boy! I wish I can meet him some time. Like I want to meet all of the gals around here.

Wow, Jenny I am honored that you think you could take us as the first couple anytime, but WE ARE NOT that good, dude!

hahahaha...

Love you lots, and hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

jap21's picture

I get that too

When I told my friends about this, I got that kind of reaction too. I thought it was going to pass, but it didn't. Some of them won't talk to me the same way anymore, because they feel kind of jealous I guess.

About being the first couple to join, we shall see. First I need to talk him into joining. If I succeed, all of you will know!

Thanks so much for these ideas!

Love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

jap21's picture

Thanks Jennifer

Your experience is very valuable to me. I will try to make the best of it. Thanks for sharing it with me.

I will also tell him to post in Spanish. That is a very good idea.

Love,

Jackie.

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

janet kabugua's picture

time for him

jackie i may be young and not yet married but i have a small boy who i look after and what i think you should not take his time that is the time you had for him always dont take it away from him as its obvious he will be jealous instead try to balance his time and your time . wat i know is that men are kind of jealous also if they are not given the attention they deserve they feel bad. so dear sister try to have time for him aand as much as we want not to offend them we must make them understand and see the reality. get him something to do as other sisters have said and well am sure it will work and be happy all once again.
best wishes
janet

jap21's picture

Thanks Janet

You are so right. Each member of the family deserves some exclusive time. I will do this too.

Thank you,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

malayapinas's picture

Keep loving

Hi Jackie! I understand how difficult to balance our time with so much concerns from family, work and our VOF classroom work. It seem 24 hours is enough to get our job done. The internet attraction is really very strong , its because of this strong attraction that i bump World Pulse and its getting more stronger everyday! Well , everything has both negative and positive aspects. In every window of opportunity there is a corresponding problem and in every problem there is a corresponding window of opportunity. I think, its just normal because this is a new experience for us and everyday is an exciting day opening our emails, reading posts and there's a strong drive to make responses and insights. I think, we'll get over with this stage soon and when we can find the rhythm, everything will be just fine. This is just temporary adjustment I suppose and I hope so. You are not alone feeling this way. For the moment, we can do only this much, its sad when we push ourselves too much and our relationship with our husband, our kids will be affected, giving them a feeling of emotional deprivation and insecurity. Just have makeup time for the time lost with your husband, I'm sure this will be more exciting for both of you. Share with him, your thoughts and celebrate with him your daily triumphs. Schedule your computer hours and in case you feel the momentum is going beyond limits, ask for support from him, maybe a massage on the back or maybe a short stop and give him just a few precious moments of chat over a cup of coffee or tea. Life is only temporary. we have to keep loving each other and give the best of ourselves to our partners in life , we never knew what next , we're not getting younger , our kids are fast growing up and they will have their own lives to lead. And at the end of the day, it is still you and your husband facing each other and it's very sad if you are not seeing eye to eye with each other anymore.

IKeep loving and caring!

,.

Jennifer Ruwart's picture

Quote of the day

"In every window of opportunity there is a corresponding problem and in every problem there is a corresponding window of opportunity."

Beautiful. Thank you.

Jennifer Ruwart
Chief Collaborator
JR Collaborations

malayapinas's picture

getting a good start

You're welcome my dear one! Just happy for picking this line as qoute of the day. Yehey! Having a good start and off the way we go !

Stay beautiful and thoughtful!

love,
malaya

jap21's picture

Yes, we need more celebration

You have pointed out something really important: I need to celebrate with him more and ask him for support. Thanks for making this visible.

Thanks Malaya!

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

malayapinas's picture

You're welcome my dear

You're welcome my dear Jackie! What are friends for ? Let's have a toast for this! The more reason to celebrate!

hugs to you,
malaya

jap21's picture

Nice

Yes, as Jenny says, the quote of the day is about windows of opportunity and its corresponding problem. You are so right.

It is the first time I see things with this perspective. Thanks so much.

Lots of love,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

busayo's picture

It Is Understandable

Hi Jackie,
The feelings your husband express is normal, Infact if he doesn't react, you should be worried. Imagine him so engross in football and he is not giving you attention at all, I am sure you will feel bad. I think If you have been neglecting him because of this work, you should try and balance things and give him more time. Then any time you are together, share with him what we are doing in the PulseWire, ask him for imput, let him be part of it all. This is what i have been doing, Infact my husband will be reminding me of my mail, he will be asking me if i have posted my journal. Tell him the weekly questions, ask for his opinion, even if at end of the day you are not going to use his ideas, let him just feel that you are doing it together.
Above all, use the weapon God has given us to bribe him and sower him with extra affections. God will help and strengthen you.

Hugs
Busayo

Busayo Obisakin
Women inspiration Development center
Ile-Ife, Nigeria
busobisaki@yahoo.com
womeninspirationcenter@gmail.com
http://womeninspirationce.wix.com/widcng

jap21's picture

OK!

Thanks for reminding me. Sometimes us women forget how powerful we can be in the lives of men.

Hugs,

Jackie

Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America
www.jap21.wordpress.com

Kizzie's picture

Jackie, Are there Bolivian

Jackie,

Are there Bolivian forums? You should direct him to them. Or he can take English language classes online if he wants to to learn a new language:)

I'm happy he is excited about being part of a network!

efe's picture

interesting post

i laughed when i read your post but i know it is no laughing matter for you. I am sure he is just letting you know in his own way that he loves you.He is lucky that his rival is a computer. what if it was a seven footer with the body of Arnold Swazinigger (the governor of California) and the face of Tom Cruise?

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