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Marriage

I covered a ceremony on account of the International day of the Family this year and one of the high points of the event was a marriage ceremony for 17 couples present. The marriage ceremony had been organized by the Ministry of Women's Empowerment and the family, and it was aimed at reducing the number of couples living together without the cover of marriage, so it was free and the couples had to pay nothing.

So I started to think. What is marriage all about? Why wait until there is a free marriage ceremony for you to rush and put your name on it? Why all the fuss about marriage when a few years down the road you probably wouldn't want to see each other?

Now, I am single and I have never been married before. I always express my ideas freely and a lot of persons around me are kind of worried that I won't find a husband here because of the way I think about marriage.

I see marriage as a union between two people ordained by God [I'm a christian]. It is a union between two people who love each other, who have accepted each other's weakness and have chosen to build on each other's strength. I see both partners loving and respecting each other. I do not tolerate cheating. This aspect make me a likely candidate for divorce in the eyes of many and the general consensus is that men cheat so just forgive and take them back each time they do.

Comments

Maria de Chirikof's picture

Marriage

I think it would be so nice to hear the stories from the woman who are in good and supportive marriages since we mainly hear of them when things go badly. I also believe it is a sacred union between 2 people (I say people because I do believe that a man can sincerely love another man or a woman can sincerely love another woman and it is not my place to judge them) but am mixed about them ending in divorces.

If you think how many woman are/were trapped in bad marriages because she could not obtain a divorce it is a good thing that divorces are thought to be acceptable now. In that respect I think it is a very good thing. But there are always those who will take this and use it for their own purposes and turn what it meant for something good and turn it into something bad. Like the idea of getting married and divorced and again and again.

I sometimes think we should create places where those who are afraid of living alone or "being alone" can live together, sort of like a boarding house idea. Each with their own bedroom but the rest of the house shared together. I think that kind of thing would take off since many people get married simply because they do not want to be alone or can not afford it. Each style of living could create their own too since those who love Nature will want a different type of companions then the city sophisticates who would be bored by talk of trees and such.

That would be a good idea though, with a sort of "house mother" who runs it and cooks and cleans and also owns the place so she can afford a property of her own. Or even a guy running it since I don't believe in firm gender roles and see no reason a guy couldn't do it as well as a woman.

I like your posts!

Maria

Nelly2.0's picture

Interesting!

Hi Maria,
the idea of a place for people who don't want to be alone is interesting. I also don't think that marriage should be taken lightly in the sense that you marry and divorce and marry and divorce and marry and divorce. Divorce should be an escape shuttle to safety in the most irreconcilable situations. But like you said, there are those who would want to take it to the extreme.

In my country it takes extreme courage to go through with a divorce because of the stigma, especially women face. A female divorcee is regarded as a bad woman who cannot hold her home together. So, it takes a lot of strength for women in my community to divorce. Mostly, they stay in the most uncomfortable of marriages, preferring the supposed 'protection' marriage has to offer to freedom.

Thanks a lot Maria,

warm regards,
Nelly

aliĝngix's picture

Marriage

I think, plain and simply, that marriage is a formal ceremony inside many cultures to recognize the union of two souls in a bond of love that will last a lifetime.
Now a-days, it has legal attachments, and it has lost it's true meaning in many ways...When people just marry each other after a while(and like you say get tired of each other, or maybe they were just marrying them to get something from them),
when marriages fall apart when they grow into a just responsibility, and then if it comes to divorce there are property fights, who gets the kids...Or maybe they married for a better life that someone could offer.
I guess it's how you look at it, from a romantic prospective, or from a..."practical" prospective.
The other day I bought this magazine I like, about weddings, (I love looking at all different kinds of dresses! Though I would like to learn about other ceremonies from other cultures.) and they had many beautiful stories, and this magazine talked about what Marriage means to them, even joking about what celebrity you would like to marry! Marriage is really beautiful, but when I look at other places, where it is all commercial, I am sad. That's not what it is supposed to be about, to me anyway.
I guess to many people maybe perhaps like the excitement of finding love and proclaiming it to the world in celebration, but haven't found their true love or whatever, so fall apart.
This is an interesting topic, I thank you for posting it. See you around.

Nelly2.0's picture

True Love?

Hi,
Marriage has certainly lost some of its meaning. These days it's mostly business and which is why so many marriages fall apart. I wonder if true love still exists, you know, the kind you see in the movies and read about it novels. I am a romantic at heart and I would love for that to happen to me but I am also a realist and kind of practical. Are you married?

aliĝngix's picture

Ideal Marriage

No, I'm not married. Nor do I plan to be for some time. Not until I discover and try new things. To know who I am before I tie the knot. I suppose I am lucky to live in America, where things are somewhat stable, and I don't have to make choices between economy and family and for myself...at the present moment. I don't think you should ever give yourself away for money; one: people are worth more than that and two: you would be ultimately supporting the system that allows for exploitation for cash.
I guess it is hard because you know "you can't afford love", being practical. You forgo a lot of things to balance a life that makes constant demands and is set against you; where woman make less money, etc. Life shouldn't have you choosing between love and life, that should be on your own to decide. But, oh well. I'm idealist and think love for each other should be a deciding factor in a marriage...just add security like background checks, health history... I guess it would be nice to find love, but most "true loves" are often rooted in friendship, a more kind of "care for you, fight with you but can still live with you" "family" kind of love.
It's good you are being responsible about this. You sound like a woman who knows what she wants, and a strong person to consider these factors. I hope for luck and love for you in the future, whatever and whoever it may be! Be safe and free!
See you around.

Nelly,
With your clarity and honesty, don't you think you'll be very wise and marry someone you can share a life with?
I do!

Interesting to think about marriage isn't it? I have been with my partner more than 7 years now and we are not married.
We live our lives like a married couple, but have not signed marriage papers. That's something that definitely would have
been frowned on 10, 20 years ago. I'm glad I can chose to marry or not here in the States. Could you live with someone in Cameroon without being married?

Thanks for the post

Warmly,

Laura

Nelly2.0's picture

I know I will

Dearest Laura,
I know I will find someone to spend the rest of my life with. In Cameroon you could live with someone without being married but usually it puts the woman at a disadvantage. This happens because mostly women choose to rely on men for financial support and if for some reason the couple splits, the woman is usually at a disadvantage. The law courts would not back her if she tries to get assets she help acquire and on a lot of other issues. So women are usually asked to insist on marriage.

Personally, I think I want to be absolutely sure about the decision I'm taking before I marry someone. I am single and kind of searching.

thanks for your comment,
warm regards,
Nelly

LauraB's picture

Makes sense

Nelly,

It makes sense for a woman to insist on marriage to protect her financial rights. In the states too I forfeit rights by choosing to create a domestic partnership rather than a marriage. It's funny, but I don't like the sense of the state getting involved in my personal relationship.

I hope that your searching is fun and I hope that you can enjoy this time of seeing who might be a great fit. As a woman
who has been with a partner for a number of years now...it changes and settling in is lovely, centering, deepening. That since of adventure and exploring though does not come as easily and has to be attended to...so I sit here imagining you checking out the eligible guys with this very strong, cool, classy sense of being- you are beautiful!

Cheers!

Laura

Farah Samin's picture

Be different

Dear Nelly,

I really appreciate how differently you think about marriage. Don't worry about anything. People change from time to time. May be after some years, you will think totally in an opposite way from how you are thinking now. I believe you will get a better husband like others, as you are a concern and nice person.

Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts with your Worlp Pulse friends.

Hope to see you online.

Farah.

Farah

Nelly2.0's picture

Thanks

Thanks Farah, you are great too. I am thankful that you hope I get a better husband. I was wondering if you are married. If you are, I hope you are happy. If not, then take it at your pace and if you do want to marry, then i hope you find the best husband in the world

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